Bill Clinton,Al Gore,and Bill Gates died in a plane crash and went meet their maker.The supreme deity turned to Al and asked,"What is most important to you?"Al responded that he felt protecting the earth's ecological system was most important.
God said,"I like the way you think.Come and sit at my right hand."
God then asked Bill Clinton what he revered most.Bill responded that respecting people, their opinions and their beliefs was most important.
God replied,"I like your thinking.Come and sit at my left hand."
God then turned to Bill Gates who was frowning at him indignantly.God asked,"What is your problem Bill Gates?"
Bill replied,"I believe you're sitting in my chair."
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God told Bill Gates to go see St Peter.
St Peter said,"Now Bill,you have done some good things and you have done some bad things.I am going to let you decide where you want to spend eternity."
First,St Peter showed him an image of Hell with beautiful women in bikinis playing on sunny beaches.
Then St peter showed Bill an image of heaven,with white robed angels sitting on clouds,playing harps.
Bill chose Hell.
About a week later,St peter decided to check in on Bill.He found Bill being whipped by several demons.
Bill says to St Peter,"What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?"
St Peter replied,"That was just the screen saver."
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One day Mike complained to his friend,"My elbow really hurts,I guess I should see my doctor."
His friend said,"There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose your problems quicker and cheaper than a doctor."
"Simply place a urine sample in the compartment provided and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it,for only ten bucks."
Mike figured he had nothing to lose,so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store.He found the computer and placed the sample inside as instructed.He deposited ten dollars and waited.
The computer whirred and hummed and printed out a sheet that said :You have tennis elbow.Soak your arm in hot water.Avoid heavy lifting and it will be better in two weeks.
Later,while pondering the amazing technology,Mike began to wonder if he could fool the computer.He decided to give it a try.He mixed some water with a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter.To top it off he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the store,placed the sample inside the computer and deposited ten dollars.The computer hummed away and printed out the following message.
Your tap water is hard.Get a water softener.Your dog has worms.Get some worm pills.
Your daughter is using cocaine.Put her in rehab.Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.They aren't yours.Get a lawyer.And,if you don't stop jerking off,your tennis elbow will never get better.
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Oh I like it a lot. Since my lappy is working without troubles again I am a happy camper again.
ReplyDeleteMost of the things you learn by doing/trying.
And the world of WIRELESS is even more entertaining than the world of a PC.
You can move it wherever you want to and you can use other peoples Internet accounts (not nice I know, but EVERYONE does it) without them knowing....Oops...
I am missing you all..I like the joke qn the computer geek..Jeannie your posts alwayas out do the last one....why in the world would anyone want to use someone else account...up to no good I suppose..but you have given you know who something to write about ..Good/bad,she is generating a lot of interest in us..the things she say bad about us,more people will come to check us out,we must be doing something right,keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteCUPCAKE...if you have a laptop with WIFI your lappy will take on any signal in your near vicinity. And when people don't secure their Internet accounts with a password it is their very own fault.
ReplyDeleteBut rest assured, almost everybody who owns a laptop does it.
Anyway, she takes interest because she has no one else to talk about.
i am glad you mention it because it has been a slow day for her,I shall visit tomorrow to see how she fix it.(giggles)
ReplyDeletewell I like keeping her entertained,the more she huff and puff,careful,she might pop a blood vessel.
ReplyDeleteOps, I think popping a vessel would be a blessing for her. Last year she had spells when she cut herself.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but that is just too icky to talk about. If somebody starts to hurt HERSELF this person needs a straightjacket - stat.
That silly fool was put here for our enjoyment..when old Dxve is not up to his crap,she is always here for a good laugh..she says I can't write,spell...so please someone please tell me what/why she is here every day.
ReplyDeleteBecause, she can't stay away from the GOOD STUFF. Simple. She just needs to know...LOL. Poor sick mite.
ReplyDeleteIf she is stalking us,please someone tell tge old fool we don't do women.We don't let them lick it ..so tell me old lady,just what is your pleasure.
ReplyDeleteLOL CUPCAKE....I just love your dirty little mouth...LOL
ReplyDeleteI will be back shortly,going to write a quote so we can gossip when Jeannie come..
ReplyDeleteI am back...I hope she likes my post,I always said any PR good/bad is good for business.Vix I will not like her lick it unless I could take a picture and post it here..(giggles)
ReplyDeleteCUPCAKE, CUPCAKE...you are one hell of a bad girl...but I like it..hehehe
ReplyDeleteCupcake,you are naughty.Maybe that's why I like you.
ReplyDeleteVix is right,she comes to read the good stuff.
Did she really cut herself?
At least she wrote about it on one of her older blogs. It is very blurry , scetchy and downright weird.
ReplyDelete