by Joal Ryan
What killed Michael Jackson? Perhaps the question should be: What didn't kill Michael Jackson?
With a situation as fluid as a Motown 25 moonwalk, and pending toxicological results from a pair of autopsies, there is no shortage of theories as to what, or who, killed the King of Pop.
We were going to say we assembled the top ones below in order of most plausible to, well, less plausible, but with this story we're not sure there's a distinction. We settled for alphabetical order.
With a situation as fluid as a Motown 25 moonwalk, and pending toxicological results from a pair of autopsies, there is no shortage of theories as to what, or who, killed the King of Pop.
We were going to say we assembled the top ones below in order of most plausible to, well, less plausible, but with this story we're not sure there's a distinction. We settled for alphabetical order.
• Accidental Overdose, aka Performer's Remorse
According to the Daily Beast, Jackson didn't want to do his London concerts, couldn't afford to cancel them, and thus came up with, as one source put it to the site, "a note from the doctor." Namely, the entertainer downed a lot of prescription drugs with the intention of OD'ing, forcing a hospital visit—and, back to the top, getting out of the shows.
According to the Daily Beast, Jackson didn't want to do his London concerts, couldn't afford to cancel them, and thus came up with, as one source put it to the site, "a note from the doctor." Namely, the entertainer downed a lot of prescription drugs with the intention of OD'ing, forcing a hospital visit—and, back to the top, getting out of the shows.
• Empty Stomach, or aka Not-Empty-Enough Stomach
In a denounced report in London's Sun, the newspaper, which said it had the goods on the autopsy findings, said at the time of his death Jackson was "skin and bone" and "had been eating nothing but pills."
In a denounced report in London's Sun, the newspaper, which said it had the goods on the autopsy findings, said at the time of his death Jackson was "skin and bone" and "had been eating nothing but pills."
• "Enablers," aka "Leeches," aka Anna Nicole Smith Redux
Within hours of Jackson's death, Brian Oxman, an attorney who has worked with the Jackson family, was arguing that the entertainer was the all-new Anna Nicole Smith: an overmedicated mess beset with "enablers." In London's Sun, Matt Fiddes, ID'd as Jackson's former head of security, did not seem to disagree with Oxman, talking of "leeches" who plied the singer with "sedatives to relax him—or 'uppers' to lift his mood." E! Online's Ted Casablanca has his own source on Jackson being "way, way overtreated."
Within hours of Jackson's death, Brian Oxman, an attorney who has worked with the Jackson family, was arguing that the entertainer was the all-new Anna Nicole Smith: an overmedicated mess beset with "enablers." In London's Sun, Matt Fiddes, ID'd as Jackson's former head of security, did not seem to disagree with Oxman, talking of "leeches" who plied the singer with "sedatives to relax him—or 'uppers' to lift his mood." E! Online's Ted Casablanca has his own source on Jackson being "way, way overtreated."
• "Greed," aka Comeback Concerts Still Sounding Like Very Bad Idea
In London's Daily Mail, Jackson author Ian Halperin argues the 50-year-old singer signed his death warrant when he signed on for the London concerts, that he was too broken by the 2003-05 molestation case to command the stage, and that he was pushed into the shows by his handlers and mounting financial obligations.
In London's Daily Mail, Jackson author Ian Halperin argues the 50-year-old singer signed his death warrant when he signed on for the London concerts, that he was too broken by the 2003-05 molestation case to command the stage, and that he was pushed into the shows by his handlers and mounting financial obligations.
• "People," aka the Beatles Songbook Coveters
The new Life & Style asks whether Jackson was "drugged in a bid to steal [the] millions" that nobody much else seems to think he had. (See: the London comeback shows and why he supposedly agreed to do them.) Oxman supplies the magazine with its money quote: "He feared somebody wanted to kill him. He was even concerned people would kill him to somehow try to take control of the Beatles back catalog."
The new Life & Style asks whether Jackson was "drugged in a bid to steal [the] millions" that nobody much else seems to think he had. (See: the London comeback shows and why he supposedly agreed to do them.) Oxman supplies the magazine with its money quote: "He feared somebody wanted to kill him. He was even concerned people would kill him to somehow try to take control of the Beatles back catalog."
• Stage Fright, aka Yup, the Comeback Concerts Again
Per the London Sun, Jackson's apprehension about the U.K. shows was as paranoiac as it was disabling: "I owe money everywhere," the paper quotes the singer as allegedly fretting. "They will kill me if I don't sing in London."
Per the London Sun, Jackson's apprehension about the U.K. shows was as paranoiac as it was disabling: "I owe money everywhere," the paper quotes the singer as allegedly fretting. "They will kill me if I don't sing in London."
• Too Much Demerol…
• Too Much Morphine…
• Too Much Preoccupation with Diprivan
For the record, Jackson nutritionist Cherilyn Lee didn't say her boss died from anesthesia use. But she did say he wanted the drug to help him sleep and that she warned him it might put him in a sleep from which he wouldn't wake.
• Too Much Morphine…
• Too Much Preoccupation with Diprivan
For the record, Jackson nutritionist Cherilyn Lee didn't say her boss died from anesthesia use. But she did say he wanted the drug to help him sleep and that she warned him it might put him in a sleep from which he wouldn't wake.
• You Knew This One Was Coming, aka the Faked-Death Theory
According to Michael Jackson Sightings, a man who "spoke like [Jackson] and in fact doubled for him many times," but was not Jackson, died June 25. The real Jackson, meanwhile, "is alive and well and happier than ever," no doubt because his reputed 10-years-in-the-making "plot" is working like gangbusters: Everybody seems to think Jackson is dead. Gunther von Hagens, in fact, thinks Jackson is so dead that the German doctor told London's Daily Mail "an agreement is in place" to preserve Jackson's corpse with polyurethane.
Of course, per the article, von Hagens thinks Bubbles the chimp is dead, too…
According to Michael Jackson Sightings, a man who "spoke like [Jackson] and in fact doubled for him many times," but was not Jackson, died June 25. The real Jackson, meanwhile, "is alive and well and happier than ever," no doubt because his reputed 10-years-in-the-making "plot" is working like gangbusters: Everybody seems to think Jackson is dead. Gunther von Hagens, in fact, thinks Jackson is so dead that the German doctor told London's Daily Mail "an agreement is in place" to preserve Jackson's corpse with polyurethane.
Of course, per the article, von Hagens thinks Bubbles the chimp is dead, too…
My theory? HE was nervous about his tour(the big comeback)He couldn't sleep.He accidentally OD'd
ReplyDeleteWell,maybe Jacko is hanging out with Elvis and they are enjoying Joe make a fool of himself,anything is possible in "Weirdwood"...HA!!!
ReplyDeleteNo one was keeping tabs on how much stuff he was taking.Can you believe a doctor was with him when he died?The guy was a pill doctor who obviously didn't give a damn or was incompetent, or both.
ReplyDeleteHey...PIC...glad to see you.How is everyone?
ReplyDeleteThey are both living in Encino and laughing at all of us.
ReplyDeleteI think they are together somewhere.Same lifestyle,same habits,same kind of demise.So,they are in the same hell.
He was both,he might have been high also,just like Nicole Smith.Most don't give a damn about the person,just the money.
ReplyDeleteWe're good. I need a snack but I'm trying to stop eating at night.I am presently chewing on the keyboard.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'll have a cup of tea(with a bag of chips in it.)
ReplyDeleteHow did you spend your day?In bed having glorious sex?In the closet?
ReplyDeleteHave you caught Dad and Sis yet?Hi Sis(you little devil)
ReplyDeleteYour kids are too damn nosy.
You are so right ,in a living hell here and a dead hell there,both had so much to offer.
ReplyDeleteThey say Elvis perform at the Louisian Hay-ride when he was starting out,that's in Keithville,La. about 30 miles from Shreveport,some of the older siblings seen him.
No,they are slick,Sis agrees with you,She told us her choochie still gets the tingles,and she know what to do about it and when we reach 50 it will reall be cool sailing.
ReplyDeleteNee I'm going to email my phone number to you.Someday you might want to hear my voice.It would be too expensive to call each other to talk all the time,at the rate we gossip.But it might be fun for one time.
ReplyDeleteGilly and I played in the sand box,Gil came out and hose both of us down and run in the house.
ReplyDeleteOh yes ,when you reach 50,it tingles a lot.I should know.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know how to have fun.It's not such a serious matter.
O.k. sounds good.
ReplyDeleteI did an update on my profile.
You will know me,Gil says I talk just like I write,he says I have a funny way with words. I will have my own phone when I move.
ReplyDeleteWe found a little blow up boaty thing,that we put Maxy on when he has to pee and we're out on the lake.He sits on it and we swim him to shore.He doesn't have to get his feet wet.He likes it.
ReplyDeleteWhat a whoosie dog.He hates to swim.
I think I'd know your voice.I don't think you know what I would sound like .You probably think all Canadians say "EH" all the time.
ReplyDeleteI think southerners say "Y'all" all the time.
We don't talk about hockey and polar bears all the time either.
ReplyDeleteI bet you sound like the Queen.I love to listen to the English,when I was working,I met a lot of British and English,they are really nice,at least the ones I met.A lot of them asked for me when they are here.
ReplyDeleteYou realize,that you have to get Gil back,don't you?
ReplyDeleteThat was an act of war.
Ice-cubes down the back of the pants is a good one that I have used myself.
Canadians don't have British accents,but if I did I would definitely sound like the Queen.
ReplyDeleteNana sounds like the queen.Brian sounds more like her chauffeur.
We have a pro hockey team here,named the "Mugbugs" and you turned me on to my Polar Bears,so I will be right at home.
ReplyDeleteMaxy sure have you guys trained,I just love him.Maxy is scared with all the hair he will sink and drown.
ReplyDeleteJust read your profile.Very nice ,more personal.You'll get more hits on it now.
ReplyDeleteI still haven't figured out that to add to mine.
We both forgot to add that we like sex a lot.
Maxy has had his summer haircut so he can't use the long hair excuse.We get him shaaved pretty close.You are right he has us well trained. He sent us to obedience school.
ReplyDeleteWell I have heard some chauffeurs get all the cake and icing too.I know Brian got his share with some steak and potatoes.[giggles]
ReplyDeleteAnother good one is to wait for him to go to sleep and put makeup and lipstick on his face.He'll get a real shock when he looks in the mirror.I found that this joke messes the pillow, though.
ReplyDeleteThanks ,I will add My favorite past-time is "SES" hahaha
ReplyDeleteBrian is from Peterborough England.They have a distinct accent.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea, it will be worth it,I am going to broow a pair of Sara's panties she has a big ass..that's Jon's wife..I will fix him real good.
ReplyDeleteI am going to put on my glasses,I don't make sense to myself.[giggles] Gil calls this my meds.
ReplyDeleteYou could put his hair up in rollers while he is sleeping.And maybe a hairnet.Or,and this is my favorite,Put a sideways happy face on the dangle.Just make sure the magic markers are not indelible or it takes weeks to come off and the other guys at the urinal will laugh at him.
ReplyDeleteI've got a million of them.
I lived in L.A. 5 years and I never lost my accent,I was country then and still country now.I like me just the way I am.A horhy little country gal. hahaha
ReplyDeletePut a pair of your panties on his head.But not while you have guests for dinner.
ReplyDeleteYou put the ice cubes down the back of his pants while he's brushing his teeth or doing something that prevents him from seeing you sneak up on him.
They actually get a bigger shock if you can get the ice-cubes down the front of their pants, but they can see you coming and they stop you.
Boy ,he just don't know what a war he started.
ReplyDeleteHe told Chris,he never in his wildest dreams would believe how much fun it is just to yourself,and to wear old clothes and get your hands dirty.
We have water balloon fights and the kids have those big water squirting guns.They seem to have lost interest in those things this year.They are growing up too fast.
ReplyDeleteI think I can get it down the front,I run my hand down there when he is shaving.hahaha
ReplyDeleteThey do grow up fast,you turn your head for a moment and look back they are almost grown.
ReplyDeleteThat's the spirit old girl.Make out like you're feeling frisky and slip the ice in.I'd like to be there, but I'm with you in spirit.
ReplyDeleteThey can't win a joke war.
Women are trickier.
Jello in the shoes is a fun joke. You have to push it up toward the toe so they can/t see it.Or cold spaghetti,anything like that.
ReplyDeleteYou can't have 12 grandchildren and not learn a few things.
I bet you know a lot of them,Thats why the boys say they have a cool gunny.
ReplyDeleteI bet all your grandkids think you are the coolest,you have a wonderful sense of humor..Now that is a gift from God.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to fill some balloons with water and take them with me to Jaye's house on tuesday.You have awakened the devil in me that has been hibernating all winter.I haven't done this for a while.
ReplyDeleteEveryone thinks they are safe from me now,that I don't pull pranks anymore,that I have calmed down and become more mature...FOOLS!
That will never happen.
If people spent this much energy on the climate,and give Michael a rest.They can't help Michael,but we could and should try to help to get our world back in shape.
ReplyDeleteYou go girl,show them you still got it,I bet they will be running like the devil is on their tails.
ReplyDeleteMichael's sister Latoya has gone all'murder conspiracy'.She even says that she knows who did it.
ReplyDeleteLatoya is a little off her nut.You would be too if your dad had raped you repeatedly and no one believed you when you ratted on him .And your mother condoned it.
I really think they are right about me,I will always be a devilish child at heart.Dad says my babies look like their daddy,but acts like me.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of sicko's in that family,I don't know how Katherine sleeps.I would be afraid to have the kids around Joe,I think he raped Michael too,something happen to him..
ReplyDeleteMichael pulled out on his own,I have always wondered why,maybe to get away from Joe.
Look at Joe's eyes,he can't look right at you ,he looks away a lot,as if he is hiding something ,he really looks sneaky,I don't trust people who can't or won't look at me when we are talking are keep looking around.
ReplyDeleteWe used to have a club in a town not far from here called LULU's.It had the longest bar in the world.
ReplyDeleteThe bar wrapped around the whole club,which was huge.It was a fun place, good guest bands and the house band was excellent.
We took Brian's mom there when she was about 78 or 79.
If you were a virgin you could wear a white balloon.We bought her a couple of white balloons to tie to our table but she tied them to herself and wore them all evening and drank us all under the table.
She said when you get to be her age you have to have a sense of humor.It's absolutely essential or you may as well lay down in your coffin and just wait.
Joe has the shiftiest eyes I've seen in a long time.That man is evil.All his kids hate him.
ReplyDeleteLatoya looks sick,she had work done on her face,she looks like Michael. I like me,I would never dis-figured myself. I will grow old graceful.
ReplyDeleteShe should have stopped afer one nose job like Janet,but she kept altering that poor nose until there was nothing left of it.she has real problems like her brother.
ReplyDeleteBrian's mom has the right idea,a great sense of humor ,and hopefully a good man to make love too,because everything else is shoot to hell.
ReplyDeleteA good partner is essential to happiness.If you have a partner.
ReplyDeleteSome people don't need them.
If you have a miserable reltionship,nothing else goes right for you.
Do you think they were trying to alter their features because they didn't want to look like Joe? There is a story there,I would but the book and try to get a book signing here.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right about the partner,I asked Sis why she never re-married,she said she would never find another like Richard,it only comes round once in a lifetime.you have to be watchful or you might miss it.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll call it a night honey.It's really hot here tonight.We are not having consistent weather at all. It's been cool all week.How about there?Is it still raining?Still hot?
ReplyDeleteI need to turn on the AC.Or go jump in the stream.
Tomorrow is the last day of our holiday.We get another week in August.We like to break the holiday up.I'm trying to think of something special to do.
I can't do a lot of things,but I know people that know people. The business I was in you get to know folks.
ReplyDeleteWould you like to look like Joe,even if he was your dad?
ReplyDeleteWell you enjoyed this one, you will think of something. It's hot ,looking for rain.
ReplyDeleteSigning off for now...Goodnite..PIC
Luv... NEE
Hell no,he is one ugly "BASTARD" and low down to boot. Nite...sweetie.
ReplyDeleteGoodnight PIC.I enjoyed your company as usual.You're a sweetheart,even if you are a little wild.I like you just the way you are.Sweet dreams..nighty night...J
ReplyDelete