Hey guys, think you know everything there is to know about having sex with women? That erotic encyclopedia you carry around in your head may contain a lot of basic errors and omissions about women's sexuality -- errors that can lead to sex mistakes.
That's because -- after learning the facts of life -- most of us are left to figure out sex for ourselves. Guys tend to take a lot of cues from adult movies, and we all know how true-to-life those are. Experience may help, but many women can be shy when talking about what they like.
To help us with some sex tips, we asked two acclaimed sex educators, Tristan Taormino and Lou Paget, to tell us what they think are the most common sex mistakes men make with women.
Taormino is a prolific author, lecturer, and video producer.
Sex Mistake No.1: You Know What She Wants
Men often make assumptions about what a woman wants based upon what they've done with other women. But women aren't all the same.
"You develop a repertoire as you mature sexually, but you should never assume that what worked for the last person is going to work for this person," Taormino says.
That applies not only to sexual predilections, but also to relationships, she says. "There are women who can have no-strings-attached sex, and women who can get attached very easily, and then everyone in between."
Sex Mistake No. 2: You Have All She Needs
Some women can't have an orgasm with less than 3,000 rpm. No human tongue or fingers can generate that kind of vibration. But men typically think something is wrong if a woman needs a vibrator.
"If the only way that a woman can achieve orgasm is with a vibrator, she's not broken," Taormino says.
Think of a vibrator as your assistant, not your substitute. Many couples use vibrators together. "While you're doing one thing, or two things, the vibrator can be doing something else," Taormino says.
Sex Mistake No. 3: Sex Feels the Same for Men and Women
Paget says there tends to be a "huge disconnect" between men and women in the ways that sex feels good.
"When a man has intercourse with a woman, and his penis goes into her body, that sensation is so off the charts for most men, they cannot imagine that it isn't feeling the same way for her," Paget says. "It couldn't be further from the truth."
The inside of the vagina is probably less sensitive than the outer parts for most women. Also, deep thrusting may not feel so nice on the receiving end. If the penis is too long, "it feels like you're getting punched in the stomach," Paget says. "It makes you feel nauseous
Sex Mistake No. 4: You Know Your Way Around a Woman's Anatomy
Most guys know generally what a clitoris is and where to find it. That's not to say that they really understand it.
More than 30 years ago, at the start of the "sexual revolution," a best-selling book called the Joy of Sex got Americans hip to the orgasmic importance of the clitoris. But the belief that women must be able to orgasm from vaginal penetration stubbornly persists.
"I still get letters from people who say things like, my wife can't [orgasm] from intercourse unless she has clitoral stimulation -- please help," Taormino says. "I want to write back and say, 'OK, what's the problem?'"
"For the majority of women, it's not going to happen that way," Paget says.
Men also lack information about how to touch it and how sensitive it is, Taormino says.
A touch that's bliss for one woman may feel like nothing special, or may even be painful for someone else. Some prefer indirect stimulation.
How can you find out how she likes to be touched? Try asking her.
Sex Mistake No. 5: Wet = Turned On
Guys sometimes get hung up if a woman doesn't get slippery enough for easy penetration. Don't worry about it.
"I think there's a myth that if you're turned on, you're wet," Taormino says. Not necessarily.
Some women tend to get wetter than others, and how much natural lubrication a woman has can change from day to day. It varies by the phase of her menstrual cycle, and it's subject to influences like stress and medications.
Sex Mistake No. 6: Silence Is Golden
A lot of guys think they should be silent during sex, but unless you speak up, your partner has to guess what's doing it for you and what isn't.
If you're respectful about it, a woman who wants to please you will probably appreciate some directions.
"I'm not saying push her head in your lap," Taormino says. "I think that, 'this is how I like it,' is a very useful conversation to have."
Guys ,don't think for a minute that these are the only mistakes you make.They are fairly common mistakes made by many men. Every woman is an individual, with her own likes and dislikes. You have to learn from her, not your friends in the locker room. A condensed article, like this, on the internet can't tell you all you need to know either.' Good luck','good loving'.
Well said,a lot of men don't know a lot about us.
ReplyDeleteI am going to wake my man up and let him read this....good going.
Oh yes I will show my man this when he wakes up,I will asked him how many of these mistakes he make,I will tell him my Canadian Sister is trying to tell these men to get their shit together.He is going to laugh his ass off.
ReplyDeleteI think I will show it to Dad also,I know Sis will see it,she reads the blog every morning,like it is a newpaper,she says it's more interesting than the news,at least you will get a laugh or learn something new.
How are you and everyone?
ReplyDeleteDoin fine Nee,and you???Kids having a happy day?
ReplyDeleteI just took Nana shopping.She behaved herself.I didn't lose her once.
I'm taking a short break for a cool drink before I put all the groceries away.I think I'll just make some omlettes for dinner and some salad.Come on over.
See Nana can be good when she wants to.Nana says it's just to damn hot to run away..HA! We are having salad and sandwiches,hot dogs for the kids.We are planning a big barbecue for tomorrow,it's hot as hell here,shit I hope it rain,Sis rented an enclosed tent as she do every year,so we will stay dry..I tried out NEE in profile to see how it look..I will forever keep my Cupcake as my icon.Found a lot of stuff about Jack,nothing bad.Did you know he was married once? Boy you are going to have a lot to edit.
ReplyDeleteDo you like NEE?I am working on my profile also,about things I done and places I been.
I called the housekeeping service today,I will start enterviewing on the 13th. I will be glad when we can get our gym equipment out and I can start back to working out,I am getting quite sluggish.hahaha
Get up off your big fat arse and run a half mile up the road and back.
ReplyDeleteI intend to do just that, right after my nap.
I just ate about five pounds of food.I can feel it settling on my arse and in a couple of arteries.
The trouble with buying treats on shopping day is that I can't space them out.I eat them all at once and have nothing till the next shopping day.
Brian has made most of the six mistakes.He quickly learned to ask me what I liked.
ReplyDeleteI never had to ask him what he liked.He enjoyed telling me in detail.
Have fun interviewing.Will she be there just to clean or to generally run the house?Will she be live in?
ReplyDeleteOld Mrs. Matret ran the family home in jersey for forty years.When their mom died young old 'Missus' as they called her became a mother figure for them too,especially my dad.
In her youth she had been a French chef and she still liked to cook now and then.She made the lightest cakes and pastries.They would melt in your mouth.I would sit under the big harvest table in the kitchen and she would hand me spoons and bowls to lick.I loved her.
Sad how you lose everyone you love at some point.My dad loved her.As a little boy he would sit on her lap and snap her garters.
My dad was a little devil.At six years old he would sneak into his father's study and drink his brandy and smoke his cigars.
She will be here to clean,I will run my house,I will do my cooking.I will have to get use to it,I am use to doing things my way..
ReplyDeleteMatter of fack ,I going to use the recipe in the post tomorrow,just sent for some chickens.Sounds good.
Men are easy to please when you stroke it and rub it gently.hahaha
ReplyDeleteActually you are right.They are not too complicated at all.
ReplyDeleteHi PIC
ReplyDeleteSo this is where you're hiding.How hot is it there?Does it cool down at night?Good time to get naked and swim in the pool.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you doing tomorrow? do you celebrate the 4th?How long is Brian on holiday?
ReplyDeleteI am not getting my fat arse out there running in that heat and have a heat stroke,Jill would roll me in the sand.Hhahaha
No pool yet? I get out early or late afternoon,I can't take the heat.Yes it cools down a bit,I keep the house 75/78 degrees.You have to have air here.We do fan drives for the elderly so they won't get to hot.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I didn't get that tatoo of a rose on my breast now.In a few years it would be a long stemmed droopy rose.So far I'm still pretty perky, but I still wouldn't skinny dip any more.
ReplyDeleteWe celebrate on the first of July.'Canada Day',fireworks,flags and all that bullshit.The kids went to the racetrack to see fireworks with the biological.They loved it.
ReplyDeletePersonally,I have always loved your cyber identity'CUPCAKE'.That's why I drew the picture.You sound so yummy and yet naughty.
ReplyDeleteI use JEANNIE because I came from the lamp my mother found in an old junk shop.
ReplyDeleteHow do the kids like their sandbox?
ReplyDeleteI like Jeannie...Chris named me cupcake. When Sis baked cakes I always wanted a bigger piece,so to make them equal she made cupcakes,I would take their's if a they had a larger slice. NEE don't look or sound right for an icon.
ReplyDeleteSo you always have a big barbecue on the fourth of July?Do you have fireworks on the property?
ReplyDeleteI wondered how you got that nickname.
ReplyDeleteThey love the sandbox,It's under a large oak tree.Kids don't mind the heat,I make sure they drink a plenty liquids and not run.
ReplyDeleteI love those pictures of the 6-pk.
ReplyDeleteDid you know Jack was married once.
I would like to change my icon to a lamp if I can draw a decent one.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I could draw another cupcake with green icing and a big arse.
If you keep the sand moist,it keeps them cool.You just have to hose them down before they go in the house.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I knew Jack was married.I guess he learned his lesson after one.
ReplyDeleteWe will have a few fireworks for the kids,yes we always have a big barbeque on the 4th and Labor day,I told you the fools will party if you say 'boo". I told them they better wear name tags,cause Dad will call everyone Charlie..
ReplyDeleteYou know what's wonderful?Your family enjoys each other's company and likes to get together.So many families would envy you.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could use the picture of Nana lamp,you can try,the rose I had was a large picture,But it fitted,you can always put the Genie back.
ReplyDeleteI never thought to use the real lamp.Thanks PIC.
ReplyDeleteI know I am blessed to have them,but I get so mad sometime,they all still treat me like I am a kid.But I do love it.Gilly loves to be hosed down.
ReplyDeleteWe could change our mascot too .I could put the Rock's face on a rock.He could be our pet rock...HA!
ReplyDelete{giggles] My arse is not fat,it just jiggles a little.
ReplyDeleteJaye took a few more photos of Maxy for me so I have some more ,finally, to put on the blog.
ReplyDeleteNan told Gilit was fat, and he said no it's not.He asked her what was she trying to do,get him put outside in the doghouse.
ReplyDeleteMaxy has a little blue captain's hat.It always slips sideways or over one eye before we get the picture.
ReplyDeleteI like whatever you do,new banners or whatever,but I want to keep Maxy,I don't care if you use the same ones over,he tells me good morning everyday.
ReplyDeleteGood thing Gil made the right answer.I think you might have made him pay for it if he had agreed with Nan.
ReplyDeleteDon't you have one of Maxy with a red cap?Seems like it was one of the first..You have a good eye for the banners and sidebar and the colors. Anytime you want to do something different,just do it.
ReplyDeleteI'm doing a post about trust and why women are slower to trust than men.I learned a lot about myself.I'll try to finish it to night.
ReplyDeleteWhen I get through all the Maxy pictures ,I'll start from the beginning and rotate them again.
ReplyDeleteAny pictures,jokes ,whatever you would like in the sidebar,just put them in drafts and I can work with them from there.
ReplyDeleteI have a lot of things about Jack,everyone loves him.He wasn't married long,about 4/5 years,He's 70 years old. But you will see it when you edit it.
ReplyDeleteI will be coming up with some of my far out saying,until I get Jack in draft.I am writing it all down and you will see how you want to do it..I don't know if it will be a 2 part ,you will know how you want to do it.
ReplyDeleteI bet the "Rock" will poke you good if you put his face on a rock.hahaha
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading the profile.If we make this a regular feature we should have a title for it,like'PROFILING'or some shit that sounds better than that.
ReplyDeleteThe jugs is back in shape,I always wore a good bra to help whole their shape..Gilly wants nothing to do with them.Shit I was scared Jill would never stop.
ReplyDeleteYeah,but he'll poke me in the eye...with a stick.He would not like me to use his face on a rock.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'll do it anyway.Whenever he tells the family not to do something,we always do it...just because.
Are you still expressing the milk or are you taking pills to dry it up?If that's too personal ,I appologize.You don't have to answer.
ReplyDeleteSomething will come up..I really like bad boys..I don't know why I think he is so sexy, he attended his 50th class reunion.
ReplyDeleteKids who are nursed for six months or more are healthier,more contented and have fewer health problems later.
ReplyDeleteI am expressing the milk for now,in August I will start the pill.
ReplyDeleteI put it in bottles for him.He is much faster than Jill,I guess he is trying to keep up with the girls,they drags him everywhere.He's a toygh little bugger. I can't wait to get my stuff.
ReplyDeleteIt's about time they got back with my chickens,Sis is going to fix them up and I will put them on tomrrow,boy that chicken looks good.I love highly season foods.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see them.I bet they are beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThe people of your state are widely known to like highly seasoned food.I like it too.
ReplyDeleteJaye is a writer,maybe she can give us sone ideas on what the heading should be.
ReplyDeleteCanadians are descended from mostly French and English and some aboriginal,so our tastes are pretty bland.Now we have a lot of East Indian people here and we are starting to go to East Indian restaurants.The curries are so good.WE also like the Vietnamese restaurants.Their food is so fresh and full of vegetables and not too much spice.
ReplyDeleteThey don't look like me or my family.They say my babies look like their daddy and act like me.
ReplyDeleteI'll ask Jaye.She is always coming up with ads for her dad's company.
ReplyDeleteI love good food,I don't think Dad and Gil had to many home cooked meals after his Mom died.He was surprise that i cooked,his lady friends always wanted to go out to eat.
ReplyDeleteYou must get a lot of fun out of watching them and seeing who they take after.I told Sis you were our wild child.If they are like you ,they will have a great sense of humor and a great sense of adventure and they won't be scared of any fucker.
ReplyDeleteThat's why Gil wanted you.Not just because you could cook but because you were different.He must have been so bored with the humdrum women he had been seeing.You woke him up and you still keep him on his toes.He doesn't know what to expect of you.One thing he does know is how to make you purr.
ReplyDeleteI bet he loves the twins.How is P's back coming along?
ReplyDeleteOh yes he can do that real nicely.I met one and I seen a couple of them,they are around his are 49/53 .
ReplyDeleteP insisted on going up to the lake tonight.I don't think the bed up there is quite as comfotable as home but jaye is pampering him and he is starting to enjoy being an invalid.
ReplyDeleteCraig Fergusen is saying that it is extremely hot in LOs Angeles.
ReplyDeleteI had to stand my ground ,all my siblings were older that me and wanted to spank Nan and my ass when Sis wasn't around,I would pull my panties down and pat my ass at them and we would run like hell.hahaha
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness,men are all alike,such babies,it's o.k. Jaye can pamper him.Ii is hot there Aunt Mae says she was glad to get out for awhile,
ReplyDeleteYou two must have driven them crazy.They're still trying to spank your musty butt.
ReplyDeleteMathew McConoughy (spelling?)was just on Craig's.He's quite a babe.
I am going to say goodnight until tomorrow, I hope you have a great night snuggle up next to the "ROCK".
ReplyDeleteI will put profile of Jack and that way you will know it's him,he also has a grandson.
Goodnite ...PIC...LUV...NEE
Good night Nee...luv J
ReplyDeleteHe sure is,I like him,you can't find bad things to say about the bad boys.
ReplyDeleteWe were some bad asses.