Say What ???



Ever feel you are diagonally parked in a parallel universe ? I used to have a handle on life, but I think it broke.  And you can't fix that. I've always thought life would be much better if there was appropriate background music for everything. My husband said I was crazy. I replied, I'm not crazy; it's just that my reality is different  from everyone else's. I said he was jealous because the voices only talk to me. And they often have brilliant ideas.  The voices told me that Earth is the insane asylum for the universe and once they put you here, you never get out.  So remember,....It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.  In my own defense, I am not a complete nut job....some parts are missing.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle a happy tune. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. A positive attitude like that may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

I have made many observations about my fellow inmates in this planetary asylum. People are seldom too busy to stop and tell you how busy they are.  And people who have no faults are aggravating; there is no way of taking advantage of them.  I can promise you, that if you tell your enemies you love them, it will piss them off so much they will never bother you again. I have also observed that deep down people are shallow.



When you go to work on Monday morning, you  should work as hard as you can because millions of people on welfare are depending on you. So go and enjoy your weekend while you can and remember, sex on television can't  hurt you unless you fall off.

I have a few questions that have been keeping me awake at night. Maybe you can help me out...for example:

If all the nations in the world are in debt ( And I am not kidding. They are all in debt ), where did all the money go? (weird, HUH??).

When dog food has a new and improved taste, how do they know?  Think about it.

If the flight recorder (black box) is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? Why hasn't somebody thought of that by now?  I would think it was pretty obvious.

And further more, who copyrighted the copyright symbol?  Answer me that.

Why do people say, "they've been working like a dog" when dogs just lay around all day? My dog sleeps 20 hours out of 24. He wakes up to eat , go for a walk and take a dump.  When that expression was invented, somebody didn't hear it correctly. It was probably 'frog'.

Here is an interesting fact: Do you know where the expression "OK" came from and what it means? Well I'll tell you. It originated in WW I. It means zero kills. So when reporting to battalion  headquarters, if a soldier said everything was OK, he meant no one got killed. (I am here to educate you.)

A scientific question: If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?  I bet you've never thought about these things.

If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (I tried but couldn't get up to speed)

How about this one: If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?  I like to know my property rights.

Okay , I'm sure your mind is about to explode so we will move on.  I will answer an age old question for you, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg"? The egg would have to be fertilized, if 'egg' was the answer. So, the answer is neither. The question is rather, "which came first, the chicken or the rooster" ?  Oooor, If we go further back in time, dinosaur eggs were here long before chickens existed. I'm just saying.

Oh...I see I've confused you further.

Another Question:

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

More questions:

If tarter is the stuff on your teeth. What is tartar sauce made of ?

If a man with a multiple personality disorder is about to commit suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?

Enough Questions. I am going to bed....Weeell......just a couple more.....Do you think vegetarians should eat animal crackers? Would the ocean be deeper without sponges? Never mind....G'night.