Dumb Criminals....Actual Cases

Check It Out
Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in
March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched
without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer
didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's
jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher,
who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in
court. He handed it over so the judge could see it.
The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket
and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to
compose himself.

Spelling Errors and Wrong Notes - San Francisco
A man walked into the downtown Bank of America and
on the back of a deposit slip wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your
muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his
note to the teller, the man began to worry that someone may
have seen him write the note and might call the police before he
could reach the teller. So, the criminal left the Bank of
America and walked across to the street to Wells Fargo. After
waiting in line for several minutes there, he handed his note
to a teller. After reading it, the teller determined that this
robber was perhaps a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
She told him that because his note was written on a Bank
of America deposit slip, she could not honor his demand.
He would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo withdrawal slip
or go back to the Bank of America. Feeling defeated, the man
said he understood and left. The Wells Fargo teller promptly
called the police, who arrested the man a few minutes
later--still waiting in line at the Bank of America.

May I Take Your Order? - Ypsilanti, Michigan
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 8:50am
flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk tuned him
down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast. The man cussed and frustrated, walked away.

The Perfect Scam ( Smart Criminals)- Australia
Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:
A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.
After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check.
However, due to the name of the company, few people will present
these checks to their banks. The name of the company:
"The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company."

A Man Who Defends Himself has a Fool For a Lawyer (Back to Dumb Criminals)- Oklahoma City
Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a
convenience store in a district court this week when he fired
his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton,
47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store
manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped
up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown
your [expletive] head off!"
The defendant paused, then quickly added, "- if I'd been the
one that was there."
The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommend
a 30-year sentence.

How Does That Work?
R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who
were showing their squad car computer equipment to
children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how
the system worked, the officers asked to use his I.D.
for an example. Gaitlin gave them his driver's license,
they entered it into the computer, and moments later they
arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed
that Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery
in St. Louis, Missouri.

Bumbling Bank Robber
MIAMI, Florida (Reuters) -- A man the FBI dubbed the "bumbling bank robber" was convicted after investigators matched his DNA to the gold teeth knocked out when a van hit the fleeing suspect.
Charles Edward Jones was convicted of bank robbery in U.S. District Court and faces up to life imprisonment, U.S. Attorney Marcos Jimenez said.
On September 30, 2002, Jones walked into a Wachovia Bank in Miami, pulled a gun from his pocket and robbed a teller of about $16,000, according to trial evidence.
As he ran out of the bank, he stuffed the gun into his waistband, accidentally firing it into his pants. The bullet missed him but when he stepped into the street he was hit by a van delivering school lunches in the area, investigators said.
Jones managed to stumble to a waiting car, leaving two gold teeth, his gun and hat lying in the street, prosecutors said. The FBI later matched DNA from the teeth with Jones' DNA, proving he had been in the bank.
Jones was arrested a few days after the robbery at a Miami hotel, where agents found a sock full of money from the robbery stuffed into his trousers. The serial numbers from the recovered money matched the bills taken from the bank, Jimenez said.

Change Please - New Jersey
A man walked into a 7-11, put a $20 bill on the counter and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from
the clerk and fled--leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total
amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

Cash Machine - Kentucky
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running
a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.
Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though,
they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene
and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine.
With their bumper still attached to the chain.
With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

Deposit Slip Up - North Dakota
A man from the town of Grand Forks, North Dakota,
decided to travel to Fargo so that he could rob the First
Community Bank. The criminal quickly scribbled a note
demanding money and gave it to the teller. Frightened,
she gave the man what he asked for and watched him run
out of the door. Police were called and searches of the
surrounding area turned up nothing. Upon reviewing
the ransom note, it was noted that the message had
been written on the perpetrator's bank deposit slip.
Police traveled to the man's house and arrested him
on his front porch.