"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet." (Woody Allen)
Interviewer: 'are the Beatles great musicians'
McCartney: 'No, we're just average'
Interviewer: 'then why are you so popular'
McCartney: 'Maybe people like average music'
"You can see what God thinks of money by the kind of people he gives it to."
Attributed to Abraham Lincoln in The Conservator
“Politics is show business for ugly people”
Texas political consultant Bill Miller
"They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian, well they're not laughing now."
"I have decided to be immortal. So far, so good."
"The other night I played poker with a pack of Tarot cards. I got a full house and nine people died."
"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography" - 1913