Thursday, November 21, 2013

Medical Chuckles

funny nurse photo: NURSE FUNNY bendovernurse.gif

A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84-year-old father. While there he notices the nurse give his father hot chocolate and Viagra.
The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?"
The nurse explains, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."
The man asks, "And the Viagra?"
"Keeps him from falling out of bed."

A guy goes into a doctor's office with a frog growing out of his head.
"Tell me how it started," says the doctor.
"It started out as a bump on my ass," says the frog.

Senior citizens are riddled with AIDS! ...hearing aids, Band-Aids, Rolaids, walking aids, government aid. Golden years?? My Ass!!

An old man and his daughter go to the doctor for his monthly checkup. During examination, the doctor asks how his nightly incontinence is.
  "It's fine," says the old man. "I just get up and go to the bathroom, and God turns on the light for me."
The doctor finishes up the examination, and then calls in the daughter to tell her about the God-light thing.
"Oh, damn!" says the daughter. "He's been peeing in the fridge again!"

New Male Performance Drugs
With the success of Viagra, many new performance drugs for men  are now in development:

--PROJECTRA: Men given this experimental new drug actually finish a household repair project.

--COMPLIMENTRA: In clinical trials, 82% of middle-aged men noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Double the dose and they will admire a new dress and ask if  their wives have lost weight.

--BUYAGRA: Married men report a sudden urge to buy their wives gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Double the dose and they encourage their wives to spend as much as they want on themselves.

--ANTI-AGRA: Promises the exact opposite effect of Viagra and gives the wife a good night's sleep. Currently undergoing clinical trials on U.S. Senators.

--NOSPORTAGRA: This drug makes men want to turn off televised sports and actually  have a conversation.

--FLATULAGRA: This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases into air freshener.

--FLYAGRA: This drug shows great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder).

--LIAGRA: This pill stops men lying about staying late at the office and compels them to confess if they are boffing their secretaries. Soon to be available in industrial strength .


An old man goes to the doctor's.
"Help, Doc. I just got married to this 21 year old woman. She is hot and all she wants to do is have sex all day long."
 "So what's the problem?"
"I can't remember where I live."

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
 Edna promptly jumped in to save him and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news."
" The good news is you're being discharged; since you saved another patient's life we feel you can respond well to any problems you may encounter in life."
" The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom."
" I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

An old man goes to the pharmacy for cough syrup. The clerk can't find any so he recommends a strong laxative.
The old man asks, "How will a laxative help my congestion?"
"It won't," replies the clerk, "but you'll be too scared to cough."


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