Dear Maxy ,
I have been married for six months and am crazy for my hubby . He has back problems and some sexual issues that keep us from being intimate . At least, those are the excuses he uses for the fact that we don't touch like we used to .
I recently came across some love notes to an ex-girlfriend saying how they are going to be happy growing old together and how much he loves her. I pay his child support and love his kids like my own . He says he loves me but I have doubts that he is being honest . He is constantly texting and emailing and never puts his phone down . He acts like he's afraid I will look at it .
I've been hurt before by lies and don't want to go through it again . What do I do ?
Scared and Lonely
Dear Scared ,
Were these recent love letters or old ones that you happened to find ? If they are old try to ignore them . He married you, not his ex-girlfriend . If they are recent, however, it could be serious, especially when combined with constant and secretive texting, calling and emailing . Married partners owe it to each other to be open and honest . Talk to your husband. If his answers don't reassure you the next step is counseling .
Dear Maxy ,
I recieved a last-minute phone call on New Years Eve from a female friend, saying she wanted to be my date to celebrate the new year. I was slow to answer her request because she just broke up with her boyfriend of three years .
I finally answered her by saying I was invited to a friend's house for a private New Year's party . I felt kind of bad because I could have, easily, asked my friend if I could bring a date for the evening but I didn't . Do you think I was wrong for saying no ?
Dear Happy ,
In a word, no. It would be one thing if your friend's call had not come at the last minute . The fact that she reached out to you so late for such a major occasion means that she knew there was a good chance you wouldn't be able to do it . She took a chance in asking you. It's good you responded to her, if only to say that it wouldn't work out .
If you would like to support her during this sensitive time after her breakup, reach out to her now and invite her for coffee or something similar. But there is no need to rehash New Year's Eve . That is in the past .
Dear Maxy ,
How do you deal with an absentee father? I cannot believe this man forgot his son's third birthday. There was no phone call, no text and no email from this man . I was fortunate enough to have my family around and we had a good time .
My son's father finally called me to say he forgot the birthday . This is the second year in a row that he was not around . How do I express my displeasure .
Dear Mama Drama ,
Especially since your son's father is not in your son's life everyday, it's important for you to support and nuture their relationship .
You can call and let him know that you were terribly disappointed that he forgot .But don't beat him up about it . Instead, tell him that you will help him remember next year . In this way, he won't feel that you're constantly testing him . Also do your best to make him feel included . Tell him what you will be doing for the birthday and invite him to participate . This should help him choose to pay closer attention .