Friday, November 01, 2013

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I have been married for six months  and am crazy for my hubby . He has back problems  and some sexual issues that keep us from being intimate . At least, those are the excuses  he uses  for the fact  that we don't touch like we used to .
I recently came across some love notes  to an ex-girlfriend  saying how  they are going to be happy growing old together  and how much he loves her. I pay his child support  and love his kids  like my own . He says he loves me but I have doubts  that he is being honest . He is constantly  texting  and emailing  and never puts his phone down . He acts like he's afraid  I will look at it .
I've been hurt  before  by lies  and don't want  to go through it  again . What do I do ?
Scared and Lonely
Dear Scared ,
Were these recent love letters  or old  ones  that you happened  to find ? If they are old  try to ignore  them . He married you, not his ex-girlfriend . If they are recent, however, it could be serious, especially  when combined with constant and secretive  texting, calling  and emailing . Married partners  owe it to each other  to be open  and honest . Talk  to your husband. If his answers  don't reassure  you the next  step is counseling .
Dear Maxy ,
I recieved  a last-minute  phone call  on New Years Eve from a female  friend, saying she wanted  to be my date  to celebrate the new year. I was slow to answer  her request  because she just broke up with her boyfriend  of three years .
I finally  answered her  by saying I was invited  to a friend's house for a private  New Year's party . I felt kind of bad because I could have, easily, asked my friend  if I could bring a date  for the evening but I didn't . Do you think  I was wrong  for saying no ?
Dear Happy ,
In a word, no. It would be one thing  if your friend's call  had not come at the last minute . The fact that she reached  out to you so late for such a major  occasion means that she knew  there was a good chance  you wouldn't be able to do it . She took a chance in asking you. It's good  you responded to her,  if only  to say that it wouldn't work out .
If you would like to support  her during  this sensitive time after  her breakup, reach out  to her now  and invite her for coffee  or something similar. But  there is no need  to rehash New Year's Eve . That is in the past .
Dear Maxy ,
How do you deal with an absentee father? I cannot believe this man forgot his son's third birthday. There was no phone call, no text  and no email from this man . I was fortunate enough to have my family around  and we had a good time .
My son's father  finally called me  to say he forgot  the birthday . This is the second year in a row  that he was not around . How do I express my displeasure .
Mama Drama
Dear Mama Drama ,
Especially since your son's father is not  in your son's life everyday, it's important  for you to support  and nuture  their relationship .
You can call and let him know  that you were terribly disappointed  that he forgot .But don't beat him up about it . Instead, tell him that you  will help him remember next year . In this way, he won't feel that you're constantly testing him . Also do your best  to make him feel included . Tell him what you will be doing  for the birthday and invite  him to participate . This should help him choose to pay closer attention .

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