My supervisor rarely states his desires clearly . But if I take the initiative or ask him to clarify , he makes me feel like an idiot . He is condescending and highly critical of most people . He also is a non-stop gossip. He has portrayed me to others as racist, womanizing and incompetent .
He has control over my payable time and my vacation requests . He has the ear of management . I fear that bring any of this up for discussion will create a level of retaliation far worse than the existing reality.
Any Suggestions ?
Dear Any Suggestions ,
First, examine your own behavior to see whether there is cause for such rumors to take hold and if so, correct it . Still, it is no excuse for your supervisor to spread gossip . He also seems ineffectual as a leader, because he does not make his wishes clear and stifles attempts by employees to clarify .Normally , these would be issues to document and then discuss with human resources or the supervisors boss. However, if you worry that doing so will create more problems, you have two choices . Either conduct yourself in a way that is beyond reproach and do your best to put up with it, or start looking for another job .
Dear Maxy ,
I love your column and I hope you can clear up something for me . What is the correct thing to do when sending a sympathy card ? It seems that most death notices these days suggest donating to a favorite charity "in lieu of flowers." But is it OK just to send a card ? Should money always be enclosed ? My friend says yes , but I had never heard of this . Is this a religious custom or popular in certain parts of our country ? I get a different answer every time I ask someone .
Dear Chicago ,
A sympathy card is always appropriate and no , you do not have to enclose money . If the bereaved is struggling financially, it is a kindness to send something to help defray funeral costs but it is not mandatory . A donation to a charitable organization is a suggestion and also not required . The point is to express your condolences .
Dear Maxy ,
My sister's high school boyfriend just contacted me via Facebook and asked me about my sister . He said he wants to get in touch with her after something like 40 years . My sister is single now , but I don't know if I should connect them . This dude is seriously a blast from the past . My sister is kind of weird about inviting people into her life ... just bringing it up may start an argument . She is pretty reclusive these days . That's part of why I thought I might connect them . Do you think I should set up a blind date kind of thing for them ?
Should I tell her and see if she's interested ? Or should I leave it alone ?
Do not surprise your sister with a blind date . That would be awkward and could easily backfire . Be respectful to her and let her know that her high school beau wants to be in touch . Tell her how he reached out and suggest that you share her phone number and address with him.
Being in touch does not necessarily mean dating or even seeing each other . It can mean an email or phone call . She may be open to something that simple .
If she says yes, great . Make the connection . Because she may decline, do not promise anything to the ex-beau . If she does decline, tell him you will deliver the message and if she wants to, she will reach out .