Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I have been married  for more than 20 years  and have never been  sexually attracted to my husband . He is a good provider , but there is no passion . I have tried  everything  I can think of to make sex better, but he acts as if its part of my wifely duties, which makes me sick .
I don't want to break up our home, but I'm in love  with a passionate man  who just rocks  my world . He kisses me, and I forget my name . Our affair  has lasted four years . Why can't I keep them both ?
Torn

Dear Torn,
It seems you've  been doing exactly  that for four years, but it's not enough . Please figure out what you want . If there are young children, you owe it to them  to work on your marriage . Get into a joint counseling  so your husband  can work on his Neanderthal attitude  toward women  and so you can  see whether  passion can be  ignited . If you believe  sex is  the most
important  aspect  of a marriage, divorce  your husband so you can be with Rocks Your World . But having  it both  ways isn't  working  and you'll feel better  when you deal  with this more honestly.
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My assistant has dropped the ball  so many times  of late  that I don't  know what to do . Every time  she makes a mistake, I tell her, because I taught her that you shouldn't let things build up . I tell her what she did  that didn't work, and I tell her how to do it right . She says she understands  and then does it the wrong way all over again . I have offered  to get her training  support, which she didn't  take me up on . This past week, her mistakes cost my company  money . I would hate to let  a young person go, but I don't  know what else to do .
Wit's End
 
Dear Wit's End ,
Schedule  a review meeting with your assistant . Have a list of concerns  written  out that you need to address with her . Give  her a timeline  for when  you  need her  to have mastered  the various points  on the list . Essentially, you will be giving  her a probationary  period  to get her job performance  together .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I left my purse  on the table  in my house  the other day  and when I went to pick it up, I noticed that my money was missing  from my wallet . I am 100% sure  that I had money in there . I even know how much it was . What I  don't know is who would have  taken it . I have two teenage children, a younger child, a nanny  and my husband .
I hate the idea  of accusing  the wrong person of theft . I am also very concerned, because  if one  of my family  members  would steal from me, what does that mean ? Or even the  nanny ? What should I do ?
Violated

Dear Violated,
A note to you is that  you should no longer  leave your purse  and wallet in full view . Reducing temptation  is smart .
Rather  than accuse  anyone  of theft call a family meeting  --- including the nanny--- and explain  what happened . Say that you had X amount of money in your purse, and it  disappeared . Point out  where your purse was sitting  when you believe someone  took the  money out . Ask the assembled group if any of them  took or  borrowed  the money . Do your best  not to use  an accusatory tone . It's harder  for you  to get someone  to speak up if it seems  that a punishment  is imminent .
If you can, use humor . You could ask if someone  took a loan out of your purse  . If so, now would be a great time  to repay that loan ! Think of ways  to lighten the conversation . If  you are able  to get someone  to admit  to taking the money, you can privately explore  the situation  more to find  out why  the person  thought that  was a good idea . It can become a teachable moment .
Maxy