Thursday, August 20, 2015

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,I met a woman at a conference I attended and learned that she had years of experience in the business I just got involved in . Once I learned that , I basically stalked her . Every time we saw each other , I asked her as many questions as I could so that I could learn from her . I feel like I may have turned her off but I didn't want her to leave without gaining wisdom from her . I really do hope that we can stay in touch . How can I reach out to her to keep the conversation going ?
Wannabe , Miami
Dear Wannabe ,
Send this woman a thank-you-note , telling her how grateful you are to have met her . Apologize  for seeming a bit pushy ... admit that you were just excited to meet someone in your field . Ask her if she would be willing  to mentor you . Be specific in your request . Ask if she would be willing to talk to you about business and answer questions at arranged times during the year . Ask if she would be willing to give you advice if you come upon a professional stumbling block . Thank her in advance for considering your request . Then back off until you hear from her .

Dear Maxy , 
I went to a business conference that was focused around women . I had a great time and made a lot of good connections . I also noticed that several of the women attendees brought their husbands . The men didn't participate in the day-time activities , but I often saw them at night in the hotel restaurant or walking around on the property . I didn't know that was an option . I bet my husband would have enjoyed being at a resort location if we could just hang out together at night . How can I make this happen at my next conference ? Don't get me wrong ---I don't feel like I missed out on anything . There were activites for attendees every night, so I was busy , but my husband and I haven't had a vacation in a long time . Sneaking in a mini-vacay .
Splitting the Difference
Dear Splitting the Difference,
It is not unusual for families to tag along during professional conferences in the summer . Sometimes it can be just a spouse . Other times , spouses and children come to these events and hang out with the conference attendee parent during off-hours . Depending on the nature of the conference, sometimes there are family activities built into the agenda so the family members are not peripheral to the event .
In the future , check with the conference organizers to get their view on bringing spouses .

Dear Maxy ,
I chose to go to a university in another state . The tuition is very expensive and recently my family has hit a rough financial patch . My parents originally gave me their blessing to leave the state and my mom has planned to pretend we live in Florida to give me in-state tuition .
My older sister is calling me selfish for allowing my mom to go through with this plan because it is illegal . I reminded my sister that our mother told me I could got to the school , so our parents will figure out the financial aspect . I feel bad being the reason my mother is breaking the law , but she told me I could go . What should I do ? 
Small-Town Budget Biloxi , Mississippi
Dear Small-Town Budget ,
As you might imagine , I cannot and definitely will not  suggest that you or your mother  break the law . I can tell you what some people have done  that is effective and not illegal . If your mother knows someone in the neighboring state  who would let her stay there, at least part-time , so that she legitimately has an address  in that state , do that . Perhaps your mom can spend weekends there or visit once a week or so . I know a family who actually moved to a different state and lived with their friends for four years  so their child could go to school for a dramatic discount . You can figure this out without breaking the law . And you'll feel much better about it.

Dear Maxy ,
Over the years , I have often visited a beach community and had a great time with the people there . I haven't been there in awhile , though, because of work and health issues . I have been invited to come to come for the weekend soon , and I am a little nervous . I have gained a lot of weight and really don't feel attractive . I am afraid that people will look at me on the beach in a swimsuit and make comments under their breath . I am not sure how I will be able to handle that if it happens . I already feel uncomfortable about where I am . Should I stay home ?
Beached Whale
Dear Beached Whale,
While you are especially self-conscious about your changing body, there is a high probability that there will be every size, shape and configuration of bodies on the beach when you visit  this summer. Most women wish their bodies were different (honestly ). But you will notice they are out there swimming and sun-bathing, regardless.
Instead of  bemoaning your state, consider yourself part of a community of people who want to share the sunshine and the fun, rather than scrutinize bodies . 
Resist the temptation to judge others or worry about being judged. Focus instead on the good time you are having .

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