Dear Maxy ,
I left my hometown when I was 19 and have lived in a nearby state for the past 27 years . Two of my children are grown and on their own and my youngest currently lives with my ex-husband overseas .
My mother is now in her 70s and has many medical problems, lives alone and rarely leaves the house . I am also in a long-distance relationship with a man that lives near my mother .
I am planning to move back to my home state to help my mother and also pursue this relationship . However, I am torn between moving back there and being able to see my children who live in various places . It breaks my heart for my mother to be all alone . I also feel this man is "the one," and I want to see him .
Maxy, I spent nearly 30 years caring for my kids , I plan to see them every few months and create a visitation schedule for my son to be with me . Am I being selfish to move away ?
Torn
Dear Torn,
Absolutely not .
You are not abandoning young children . Your kids no longer live with you, so you are free to go where you wish . As long as you can visit your children and work out a time for your youngest to be with you, you are under no obligation to remain in your current home .
You have spent 27 years taking care of your kids and now you are going to take care of your mother . You deserve to also take care of yourself .
Maxy
Dear Maxy,
I recently invited some friends to my home for an informal Suppey supper .
We've known each one another for 10 years and usually go out to restaurants . This is the first time we've had them over to our home .
Since then , I have not received any kind of invitation from them . Worse, one of them recently said they had such a good time that we should do it again . But no one volunteered to use their home .
I have done a lot of entertaining in the past, and going over my guest lists, I realize that very few people have returned the favor . Before my husband died last year, he said flat out he was tired of entertaining people who do nothing for us in return . One of our neighbors was invited twice to our home and I have yet to be inside her home . Is reciprocity some old social rule that no longer exists ?
Still Waiting
Dear Still ,
No, but many people no longer feel obligated to follow any social rules at all . We think your particular problem is home entertainment . Too many people are embarrassed by the condition of their houses or by their cooking skills . They don't realize that their friends aren't interested in comparing furniture and appetizers . They simple want to enjoy the company . The solution for you is to entertain in your home only those who will reciproate .
Maxy
Dear Maxy,
A young woman at my job has been wearing skirts and dresses recently that are see-through . In the regular office light you can't tell , but in the sunlight or any strong light you can see right through them to her underwear . I know I am kind of old fashioned ... I still wear slips when they are called for . I want to tell this young woman how sheer some of these garments are so that she can at least decide if a slip is worth considering . She doesn't seem like the kind of person who wants people looking at her privates, but men at work definitely do when she is not looking .
Peek-a-Boo
I left my hometown when I was 19 and have lived in a nearby state for the past 27 years . Two of my children are grown and on their own and my youngest currently lives with my ex-husband overseas .
My mother is now in her 70s and has many medical problems, lives alone and rarely leaves the house . I am also in a long-distance relationship with a man that lives near my mother .
I am planning to move back to my home state to help my mother and also pursue this relationship . However, I am torn between moving back there and being able to see my children who live in various places . It breaks my heart for my mother to be all alone . I also feel this man is "the one," and I want to see him .
Maxy, I spent nearly 30 years caring for my kids , I plan to see them every few months and create a visitation schedule for my son to be with me . Am I being selfish to move away ?
Torn
Dear Torn,
Absolutely not .
You are not abandoning young children . Your kids no longer live with you, so you are free to go where you wish . As long as you can visit your children and work out a time for your youngest to be with you, you are under no obligation to remain in your current home .
You have spent 27 years taking care of your kids and now you are going to take care of your mother . You deserve to also take care of yourself .
Maxy
Dear Maxy,
I recently invited some friends to my home for an informal Suppey supper .
We've known each one another for 10 years and usually go out to restaurants . This is the first time we've had them over to our home .
Since then , I have not received any kind of invitation from them . Worse, one of them recently said they had such a good time that we should do it again . But no one volunteered to use their home .
I have done a lot of entertaining in the past, and going over my guest lists, I realize that very few people have returned the favor . Before my husband died last year, he said flat out he was tired of entertaining people who do nothing for us in return . One of our neighbors was invited twice to our home and I have yet to be inside her home . Is reciprocity some old social rule that no longer exists ?
Still Waiting
Dear Still ,
No, but many people no longer feel obligated to follow any social rules at all . We think your particular problem is home entertainment . Too many people are embarrassed by the condition of their houses or by their cooking skills . They don't realize that their friends aren't interested in comparing furniture and appetizers . They simple want to enjoy the company . The solution for you is to entertain in your home only those who will reciproate .
Maxy
Dear Maxy,
A young woman at my job has been wearing skirts and dresses recently that are see-through . In the regular office light you can't tell , but in the sunlight or any strong light you can see right through them to her underwear . I know I am kind of old fashioned ... I still wear slips when they are called for . I want to tell this young woman how sheer some of these garments are so that she can at least decide if a slip is worth considering . She doesn't seem like the kind of person who wants people looking at her privates, but men at work definitely do when she is not looking .
Peek-a-Boo
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