Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My daughter-in-law tends to go to her family . She says she is uncomfortable with my son's side . She has been rude to us since she married my son and she controls him  if he does not do what she wants .
My daughter had a fight with my daughter-in-law four years ago  and I just woke up to the fact that my daughter-in-law blames us for my daughter's actions . My husband and I tried therapy with my son  and daughter-in-law  but it made things worse . I left, saying that I am not happy with either of them and I just want to see my grandchildren . My son said that if I don't continue  with therapy,  I won't see the kids again . They are using the children as weapons to control us .
My new granddaughter  had a baptism and my daughter-in-law  told us it was only an occasion for her family. We were insulted  and hurt . I'm thinking of going to court and suing for grandparents rights.
Trustworthy

Dear Trustworthy ,
Your son and daughter-in-law may not be behaving in a loving way, but there is room for improvement  on both sides  . They are willing to go for counseling to resolve  this , which is a good sign . But walking out on a counseling session  because you don't like  what you hear  is not productive . The point of counseling  is to work through  the issues  that get in the way of a better relationship . Please stop trying  to get your son  to favor  you over his wife . If you want to see those grandkids, I urge you to agree  to go back for counseling .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I recently married a man  who is quite wonderful, but he won't help out round the house . We have a child together  and I am the breadwinner . When I am not working , I am cleaning the house  and picking up after him .
We've had many talks about this  and he always agrees to do things when I ask . But I still  come home  from work  and find nothing done  and he always has plenty of excuses . He will be 30 soon . He was not raised this way  and his mother has tried to help, but we can't seem to make any progress . What can I do ?
Maid in Demand

Dear Maid ,
Can you afford periodic cleaning help ? Would you  be willing  to relax  your standards ? Could you save the house-cleaning  for weekends  and make it a joint effort ? Sometimes this is simple a matter of disorganization, in which  case a list might  work . You cannot  force your husband  to grow up, but you can help him understand  that this type of issue  will erode  a marriage, making one partner  resentful  and turning the other  into a recalcitrant  child . He needs to step up .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
How do I get my child to practice good hygiene ? My 11-year-old son is going  to middle school in the fall . He has a tendency to not take regular showers . I told him multiple times  that if he doesn't bathe a reasonable amount of times, he might be punished  or there will be consequencws . I am afraid he will keep up these habits  when he gets older .
Dealing with Dirt

Dear Dealing with Dirt ,
Talk to your son  about the importance  of regularly bathing  his body  and how it leads  to good health . Also, talk to him  about his changing body . He will soon enter puberty, which means  he will be developing body hair  and will likely devolop body odor if he does not regularly clean himself .
Educate  him on the young man he is becoming . Empower  him with information  about himself . This may inspire  him to bathe a bit more frequently . You can absolutely also put your foot down about how often he bathes . If he refuses, take away privileges  that he values, such as video games, TV, Play dates, etc . Figure out what would motivate him to clean up and make cleanliness a regular part of his daily life.
Maxy