Thursday, August 01, 2013
Ask Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
Recently, one of my so-called best friends took a vacation with another of our mutual friends and didn't tell me . I was hanging out with her the day before she went on her vacation and all she said was that she would be out of town for a few days and would catch up with me when she get back .
Then I notice on her Facebook page that she was somewhere on the beach with our other friend . That really hurt my feelings . I can't understand why she wouldn't tell me . I get that friends don't always have to do things together, but why would she keep it a secret from me ? What can I say to her without sounding like a baby ?
Unfriended
Dear Unfriended ,
The next time you see your friend, be ready to bring up the subject of the vacation . Do your best to be even-tempered and calm . Start off by asking her how she enjoyed her vacation . Tell her you saw the pictures on Facebook, and it looked like she had a great time . Add that you were surprised to see that she had gone with your other friend and hadn't mentioned it to you . Ask her why she chose not to tell you . Listen carefully to what she says .Then be sure to tell her that it hurt your feelings to be excluded from the information . Let her know that you didn't necessarily expect to be invited but you think of her as one of your best friends and find it hurtful that she would choose not to tell you .
Depending upon her answer, you will gain insight into how she preceives your friendship, including, if she considers you to be as close to her as you thought you were . What is important is for you to figure out where you stand .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I recently attended my 10-year high schol reunion . When we started college, Facebook was just gaining traction . At the reunion, I was mingling with my classmates and catching up . One classmate had posted that she was going on a month-long trip to Europe . I told her that sounded fun . She responded by saying how awkward it was that I knew her personal business when we hadn't spoken in ten years . If someone doesn't want others to know about their vacation plans, they shouldn't post them on their Facebook page for all to see. Was it rude of me to discuss this ?
Awkward Turtle
Dear Turtle ,
No . When people post things openly on Facebook, they are courting comments from anyone who sees their page , whether or not that is the intent .There are ways to limit exposure, but you have to set controls to do so . Privacy is becoming a luxury of the past . It is ridiculous to publicize your life and then act offended when people notice . Still, the best method of handling such unpleasant encounters is to appologize for intruding and back away .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
My niece is transgender (she's a boy who wants to be a girl) . She needs to take a hormone blocker and it costs a fortune . Insurance won't pay for it, so the whole family is chipping in .
My brother-in-law doesn't make much money and he's lazy . My parents paid most of their bills when they were first married and now they are giving my niece so much money that we cannot have our annual vacation . My parents will be giving them more money in a few months .
Meanwhile my niece gets everything she wants . My mother recently brought her a $200 outfit for her birthday . I suggested she get something less expensive because she is already paying a fortune for the hormone blocker . My parents now can't send me to the university of my choice, so I have to opt for community college . I think my sister should sell her jewellry to pay for the drugs and she and my brother-in-law should downgrade to a smaller home if they need the money . My mother says I'm being selfish . Am I ?
Missing Out
Dear missing ,
This is your parents money . They can choose to give to your sister (and her child), rather than pay for an expensive university education for you . I realize this isn't fair, but it serves no purpose to build up resentment . You can get a perfectly good education at a community college for a fraction of the cost, and if you still want to attend a four-year university, you can look into transferring in two years and research scholarships, grants and loans that may be available then . Your parents obviously believe your sister needs this money more than you do, which also means they feel you are responsible and motivated and will do OK without their help . Please prove them right .
Maxy
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