Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Dumb Blonde Jokes - Apologies to All My Blonde Friends (Most of them are really brunettes anyway.)

Library
A blonde walks into the library, goes up to the desk and says to the librarian,"Can I have a burger and fries please?"
The librarian says,"This is a library, Miss."
"Oh! I'm so sorry,"exclaims the blonde.
She leans in close to the librarian and whispers, "Can I have a burger and fries?"

Cheerio's
A blonde wakes up in the morning to a huge rumble in her tummy. She walks down stairs into the pantry. She has a choice of Trix, Lucky Charms, Raisin Bran, or Cheerio's. So she takes out the Cheerio's and pours out a bowl of them and says " OH Wow! doughnut seeds!"


Blonde with a headache
This blonde goes to the doctor complaining of headaches. Noticing she hasn't taken off her headphones at all during the exam, he suggests they may be the cause of her headaches. He tells her to take them off. "Oh, no. I just couldn't," she says, "without them, I'd surely die." "Oh, come now," the doctor says, "let me help you." And he pulls them off her head. Sure enough, moments later, she is dead on the floor. Curious, he picks up the headphones and hears, "Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out..."


Telephone Company
Two telephone company crews were putting up telephone poles. At the end of the day, the company foreman asked the first crew how many poles they had put in the ground. "Fifteen" was the answer. "Not bad, not bad at all," the foreman said. Turning to the blonde crew he asked how many they had put in. "Four" was the answer. "Four?" the foreman yelled. "The others did fifteen, and you only did four?" "Yes," replied the leader of the blonde group, "But go look at how much they left sticking out of the ground."


Golf Balls
A man boarded a bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to, of all people a beautiful blonde. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Wrecked Car
As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened. The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I Looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..." The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don’t know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."


Eye Doctor
A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his naked patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation. "Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."

Three Blondes
Three blondes are stuck on a desert island and one finds a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie pops out and gives them each a wish. The first blonde says, "I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off of this island." Then she turns into a redhead and swims off the island. The second sees what happens and says "I wish I was 25% smarter so that I can get off this island!" She then turns into a brunette, makes a raft from trees and sails off. Finally, the third blonde says "I wish I was 50% smarter so I can get off this island." She then suddenly turns into a man and walks across the bridge.


Blonde and thermos
A blonde goes to work and sees that one of her co-workers has a thermos. She asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, ''It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold'' The blonde was amazed and when she got home immediately went out and bought one. The next day she goes to work and is proud that she has this wonderful object. The same co-worker realizes she has a thermos and says, ''What do you have in it?'' she says, ''Soup, and ice cream!'

60 comments:

  1. Anonymous9:14:00 PM

    [giggles] now I know why my man wanted me to stop dying my brunette locks blonde.
    He says I can still get buck-ass-naked.hahaha

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  2. Anonymous9:19:00 PM

    Hi PIC
    How's everything there? We are watching an hurricane, his name is "BILL" the season is upon us.

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  3. Anonymous9:21:00 PM

    How is Brian/Nana? Did the faries leave Maxy any pellets.

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  4. HA! I found you .I have been hanging around the comet post.I guessed wrong

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  5. Maxy has been complaining that the pellets only come in one flavor.He's thinking of moving on to racoon poop.

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  6. Anonymous9:33:00 PM

    I was watching the comet post to see if you said something.

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  7. Anonymous9:35:00 PM

    I know what I will do ...I will always go to the top of the heap.

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  8. I shouldn't post so many things but I enjoy it and I found some interesting things today.I'll save the other things.

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  9. Anonymous9:36:00 PM

    Maxy learned well ,he gets tired of the same of stuff.hahahaha

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  10. Anonymous9:38:00 PM

    I think you should post as many as you want, I love them and so do our fans,

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  11. Brian is in a great mood got some plans for the weekend.We get a week's holiday starting Friday.looks like we timed it right weatherwise.It's gorgeous.

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  12. Anonymous9:42:00 PM

    You post a lot of good stuff,like you said we not not a one trick pony.

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  13. I guess we should change our heading to reflect the content of our blog.Just to let folks know we publish a real variety articles that we research and put our own spin on.

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  14. Anonymous9:47:00 PM

    I am glad your weather is good...it's the start of hurricane season for us, we just get a lot of rain/winds.
    Jeannie you always said you could talk about a lot of things, this is a good place and there are so many people enjoys it.
    I am learning from reading your post. If it was ot for you I would have quit by now, I was so disgusted last wek I felt like hanging it up.
    I love for you to post.

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  15. I like the last blonde joke about the thermos.

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  16. Anonymous9:52:00 PM

    [giggles] Thats a great idea,but plese don't ask me for a name.
    I would say name it "Choochie-Choochie--Yea-Yea" Girl you kill me.
    Really I think that will be a good idea.
    I see DODO's blog is still Dojodabbles. but her heading is "DC WORLD"

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  17. I know you were fed up last week.I'm glad you didn't quit.You're half the team.
    I don't have the distractions that you do.I mean little distractions that cry and poop their pants or want to play tea party.I get to steal an hour here and there

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  18. Anonymous9:54:00 PM

    You will let Mazy stay as the Dog on the Blog?

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  19. Hurricane Bill is headed up here but I don't know where it will hit.

    I'll look it up.

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  20. Anonymous9:57:00 PM

    I know you are right..I just didn't feel like I was pulling my part of the load. But come hell or high water I'm going to do tis shit.

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  21. I wasn't going to change the name,just thought I would add a little sentence explaining what we were about.

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  22. Anonymous10:01:00 PM

    Gil told me I have never been a quitter and he wasn't going to let me start now, he says the main person I would be letting down was myself. He says you was aware of my not being able to do this wha en you came on board and just to stop getting my panties in a bunch and learn it.

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  23. Do you have Yahoo Messenger?

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  24. LS is right .You are not a quitter.You told me yourself that you are a success at anything you WANT to do.You just have to decide if you WANT to do it.

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  25. Anonymous10:07:00 PM

    Well you do it however you want.
    When I learn to get pictures off the web..I may post so many you will say that's enough so stop it NEE.hahaha
    Really what you do I think is great, you have a good eye for colors.

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  26. Anonymous10:13:00 PM

    I don't think it's on this one, is it like goggle?
    I use PC's at work to put my dailt stuff in and keep up with the gaming stuff, I never started surfing the web until I quit work that was before I was preggie with Gilly about 6/7 months later I found Vix.

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  27. Thankyou.I'm looking forward to you learning to get pictures off the web.I bet you put a lot of naughty pictures up. Good thing I'm a bad girl and love naughty pictures.
    It's fun to be bad,as we know.
    We can get really good at this and maybe open another blog.Maybe one aimed at snarking celebs.There is one on Yahoo somewhere who calls herself the Nasty Bitch or something very similar and she really slags the celebs but she is good at it and funny.

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  28. Anonymous10:18:00 PM

    I see an IM at the top ,I will play with it tomorrow.

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  29. Yahoo Instant Messenger is a program.We can use it to have a direct conversation with each other.It's very fast.Jaye and I use it and I also use it with Brian's brother Bob in England.

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  30. I have to get in touch with Bob.He used to email me a lot of hilarious English jokes.But he hasn't doneit for months. He's gone back to phoning us.
    I loved the cartoons and jokes. They would be great for the blog.

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  31. Anonymous10:25:00 PM

    You know I was thinking the same thing..I didn't know they had blogs on Yahoo...I am going to go to "Best Buy" and talk with the "GEEK SQUARD" someone told me they would be glad to show me, my time is very limited right now, after things are settle maybe I can let my hair down.

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  32. IS the Eldorado in Reno bigger and fancier than the one in Shreveport?
    It looks that way in the photos.

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  33. Anonymous10:32:00 PM

    It's something like a talking e-mail.. wouldn't it be cheaper for him to use the istant messenger?

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  34. I tell you a lot of intimate family information.If we were on instant messenger it would be completely private like emailing only better and quicker and you don't have to keep sending.
    I guess some of our readers would miss following the story of our lives.

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  35. Anonymous10:37:00 PM

    Yes the one in Reno is much larger and more pretty/fancy. the one here is on the has a lot of Hollywood style..That was the name when they brought it.
    The one in Reno is like the hotels/ casinos in Vegas,

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  36. You're a smart woman .You're just a lot like me,you let technical stuff overwhelm you and confuse you.We can't let it beat us.So I kill a few mouses now and then,at least I go back and try again.

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  37. The more I learn the more I realize that Vix didn't know all that much about computers.I don't get mad at the computer so often now. I'm actually getting it now.

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  38. I wonder what she is up to at this moment.They are five hours ahead of us. It's almost five in the morning over there.That's probably when they make her get up.I wonder what goes through her mind these days.

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  39. Anonymous10:45:00 PM

    There is a chandelier that hangs from the 3rd floor ceiling to the first floor on the one here.
    The nicer one here is the "Horseshoe" it looks like the one in Vegas.They wanted to make this one look like the one in Reno Dad told his family he wasn't going to put another dime in it.So now he is just waiting to get his money out.

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  40. Dad is tired of the hotel business.It's time for him to focus on other things like family,grandkids and a cute little
    5'5" lady.

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  41. Anonymous10:51:00 PM

    Vix is wondering how to make them believe she's sane, so she can have another go at DC or someone else..
    No she wasn't that smart, she learned a lot from you, when I wanted to get rid of the pink shit she didn't have an eye for color.
    She also couldn't get pictures of the web..if you notice she did the same thing as I do, post and past, her pictures never looked glossy are shiney.

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  42. Dad sounds like a pretty happy guy to me.I think he likes retirement.He can enjoy his grandkids and now he has the time.

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  43. Anonymous10:57:00 PM

    She couldn't get her videos to act right, She wanted a side bar like ours, but she couldn't do it. I paid attention to her, when you put up something good she would post all sorts of crap to knock it down, she had almost stopped posting on DCR.She was jealous you could put beautiful women in the side-bar.. shit as I think about things now my i really don't know how I feel about her.

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  44. She will convince them she is well.You're spot on about that.She is not finished with DC.It would take a lot more therapy than 7 months.

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  45. Anonymous11:05:00 PM

    Dad really is enjoying himself, I wonder where he is going to stay. Sis says he will have to carry his musty butt home. He says her house my house ..anywhere he hangs his hat is home because he know she likes what he got.hahaha

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  46. Anonymous11:08:00 PM

    Things I don't know I don't mind asking, hell I know I am not the smartest pup in the litter,thats why I don't mind asking how to do things.

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  47. I have been meaning to ask you where he will stay.You know,if he was honest he would admit that he would be happier staying with Sis.Everyone wants a loving companion.Sis would enjoy taking care of him too.He'll still be so close to you and Gil,practically shouting distance.

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  48. Anonymous11:14:00 PM

    She may move on , like she did before and find someone else, but she truly loved DC, Dodo still have her picture up and I looked at it closely and it seems she had dyed it red and it had worned off halfway. No she is not finished with him. I will have no part of it, knowing how sick she is , I will stay far away, I am looking for her out by the end of the year.

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  49. Anonymous11:16:00 PM

    If she comment here I will be nice and say hello and thats about it.I don't care enough to fight with her.

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  50. Anonymous11:21:00 PM

    Dad is going to stay with Sis.
    Either one wants to marry , they do enjoy each other.
    Now what in the hell am I suppose to call her and him..Her Mama..Him brother-in-law. all shit what a fucked up family I have and I am loving this crap.

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  51. I'm not sure how I feel about her.I hope with all my heart that she comes out of there healthy and whole.I would welcome her and talk to her.But deep down I don't believe they will cure her and she will go back to her old ways.

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  52. Anonymous11:28:00 PM

    I am almost a city block away.There is nothing between us.Sis takes good care of him , but I still have to make his GUMBO.

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  53. They must be relieved that their relationship is out in the open.They can relax now and enjoy each other's company,openly.They can be a couple and he can live with her.

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  54. I made friends with Vix and chatted with her for months before I even found out there was a stalker.Then I didn't know how to handle it. I became aware that the stalker was her.It didn't take a lot of thought.I decided that we were already friends and I wouldn't just drop her when I had always felt so sorry for her.She seemed so alone.

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  55. Anonymous11:36:00 PM

    They will not cure her, DC is as far as we know is the second man she stalked. I don't understand how she fell so in love with him.I lusted after my man , but I didn't offer him a "BJ" I just stayed out of his way, that didn't last long,
    Hefound out Nan was my neice and it was on. With her big mouth she told him wher Sis and Daddy stayed and when he could find me there/

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  56. I am going to sign off now love.I have a busy day tomorrow.I enjoyed the chat.I hope the transition to the new house is going smoothly.
    I don't envy you all that unpacking.Been there.
    So, have a great night and a bright tomorrow.I hope Bill stays far away from you.....luv...PIC

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  57. Anonymous11:40:00 PM

    Jeannie
    Gil was running around looking like a love sick puppy I told Nee to give him some get him out of his misery.
    Nan

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  58. P.S. Now you are glad Nan had a big mouth.You and Choochie are as happy as clams.Nan was your guide to love.

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  59. Anonymous11:46:00 PM

    Bill won't get this far inland, I hope he don't get close to you.
    enjoyed the chat as always.. have a good night sweet dream ...LUV...PIC...NEE

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  60. Anonymous11:48:00 PM

    Nan< go to bed with you big mouth, Yes I am glad Nan nas a big mouth.
    Nite..PIC...Nan..love you both..NEE

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