Chuckles

 A little boy asked his father one day:
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"I don't know, son," the father replied. "I'm still paying."

Conversation in the immigration office at airport in the US:
- Your name, Sir.
- Bakshish Abdul
- Sex
- Three times a day...
- I mean male or female?
- Doesn't matter...

  

 Three friends were arguing which of them had the better memory.
The first man bragged, “I can remember the first day of first grade.”
“Oh yeah?” the second man countered. “Well, I can remember my first day of nursery school.”
“Hell, that’s nothing,” the third man said. “I can remember going to a party with my father and coming home with my mother.”

A man visited his friend who was banging nails into the wall. However, he threw half of the nails away.
"Why are you throwing half of them away?" asked the first man.
"The heads are on the wrong end," answered the second.
"Don't be stupid!" said the first. "Those are for the other side of the wall."

Two men were walking along the street when one stopped.
"My goodness! There's my wife and my lover talking to each other!"
"Good grief!" said the other. "I was going to say that!"

- Mummy, can I wear a bra now that I'm sixteen?
- No, David.

Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.- When I die,- said the old Scot, - I'd like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave."
- We'll do that for you,- said one of the younger men. - But do you mind if it passes
through our kidneys first?

An elderly man remembers the good old days: “when I was young, my mom could send me to a shop with a single $, and I would bring back 5 pounds of potatoes,  2 breads, a bottle of milk, a piece of cheese and 10 eggs. Nowadays that’s impossible – there are too many security cameras.

 While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.
Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.
A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back...?"

Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it.
While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks, 'Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?'
The father replies, 'I don't want them screwing your mother after I'm gone!'

A man went into the public toilets to relieve himself. The first cubicle was in use, so he went into the next one. As he took down his trousers, he heard a voice from the other cubicle.
"Hey, hows it going?"
Not wanting to be rude, he replied, "Not too bad thanks."
A few seconds later, he heard the voice again.
"What are you up to?"
Somewhat reluctantly, he replied, "Having a quick sh*t, what about you?"
He heard the voice again.
"Hold on, I'm going to have to call you back. There's some wise ass in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say!!