Thursday, March 05, 2015

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
One of my classmates has Asperger's syndrome . He often says and does things that are obnoxious and sometime down right threatening . I understand that his behavior is a result of his Asperger's, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with . When I ask my friends what to do, they say it's not his fault and I should just leave it alone . 
But Maxy, he frequently talks loudly over instructions no one else can hear, and last week he fell on the floor screaming in front of visiting professionals . I want to be able to help him change his behavior without making it seem as though I'm blaming him for it . How do I respectfully tell him what is and isn't appropriate ?
Worn out .
Dear Worn Out,
First of all, kudos to you for caring enough to want to help your classmate. The fellow with Asperger's is no doubt being treated by professionals, but he can definitely be helped by classmates if you are patient with him.
Asperger's syndrome comes under the umbrella term ‘autistic spectrum’ because it is similar to a mild form of autism. These kids are mainstreamed into public schools because they are not learning impaired, in fact they usually have better than average intelligence and they do not have problems with language. They do have poor communication and socialization skills. An Asperger's teen has problems interpreting the subtle nuances of language and reading between the lines of conversation so they have difficulty chatting. They often don't get jokes.
*They don't understand the feelings of others.They find it hard to understand the emotions behind a facial expression. They may not understand why you are smiling.
*People with Asperger's don't understand they have to listen as well as talk. They may interrupt conversations. 
*Some may do very inappropriate things to try and make friends,
which are misinterpreted. They feel lonely, but they don't know how to be a friend.
*They can be obsessive about something they are interested in, and don't understand if you are not. 
*People with Asperger's can be targeted by bullies because they can easily be upset.
*They are upset by any changes in routine.
• Be friendly, Speak slowly and clearly to him. Be precise.
• Help him to understand the rules by being firm and saying things like, "It's my turn now, then it will be yours".
• Help him if you see he has trouble comprehending a subject or conversation. Simplify it for him.
• Let him know that you like him.
• Praise him when he does well.
• Stand up for him if others are being unkind.
• Understand that unfamiliar things or sounds can upset him.
If you wish to learn more please contact:

Dear Maxy ,
I work for an international organization and we regularly have conference calls to discuss projects that we are working on . I'm amazed at how effective these calls can be , even though the timing for them is a challenge . Because we hail from so many time zones , the calls are always going to be at an off-time for somebody . The problem come when people join in late . One of my colleagues is late almost every time . A guy fails to put his phone on mute and we have heard everything in the background . Can you explain the protocol of how to handle conference , please ? 
Conferences Call Etiquette 
Dear Conference Call Etiquette ,
Just because  you can't  see people  doesn't mean you should  be less professional or polite. That's  the  first rule. A conference call should be treated in the same way you would treat an in-person meeting . Show  up  early if  you can . Call the given number a few  minutes  before the  appointed  time . Often, the system will put  you  in a virtual  holding area. Have all of  your notes and materials  handy and in order so that you aren't shuffling papers around . Write down pertinent questions in advance.
Eliminate  distractions by turning off such things as TVs or emails . Ask not to be disturbed. Put  your  phone on mute except  when  you are speaking . Pay attention to the conversation . When you speak, say  your  name  before talking  to help others on the  phone be sure  who  is contributing  at the time . Don't hog the  conversation . Keep your  comments  succinct . Speak clearly  and  directly  into the phone  to make  it  easy for others to hear  you .  At all times be courteous and be sure to say goodbye. 

Dear Maxy ,
My husband told me that one of his co-workers has been making passes at him on a regular basis . When he told me, he was almost proud about it, that this young woman was paying attention to him . He and I have been at odds over little things for a long time . We often argue and rarely go on dates or do anything to stimulate our bond . I'm a little worried that given how we are not doing so well right now, this co-worker may become too tempting . How can I make sure that doesn't happen ?
Dear  Reader ,
Consider this a wakeup  call . Rather than focusing on the co-worker, take  a fresh look at  your marriage . Your husband was trying to get your attention by telling you about the woman. Why? Perhaps he thinks you no longer find him attractive. 
Most of the answers were in your own letter. You are at odds over little things. Don't be...let trivial things pass. Life is short and time's a'wasting. 
You often argue. It's not necessary. Agree to disagree on things.
Arguments divide and isolate people from each other. 
You don't go on dates or stimulate your bond. What can you do to make  it  more  interesting ? Why not  plan  a weekly date when you two choose to spend time together and stick to the plan? Stop taking your relationship for  granted. Do something spontaneous. Tell your husband he is still a hunk in your eyes.
Ask  your  husband  to  join you in a concerted effort to rekindle tenderness  and  respect  in your  marriage. Tell him you miss the joy that you once shared . Ask him if he feels the same . Instead of widening the chasm between will be  building  a bridge .

Dear Maxy ,
I am an artist, and I have been working on a collection of paintings for several years now, I have another artist friend who I visit with my family every year . I have shown him my work as it has been evolving and he often has great input . Well, fast forward to last week . My friend had an art show, my wife and I attended . I have to tell you I was a little bit taken aback when I saw his work . While it was not a direct copy of mine, it definitely was majorly derivative . I'm not sure how I should deal with this . I really feel like he kind of copied me without saying anything . 
I don't want to sue him or anything , but I feel violated . What should I do about this ? Should I say something ? 
Dear Duped,
You can call it plagiarism or you can call it the highest form of flattery. Your friend may have felt he contributed considerably to the evolution of  your work and his own and simply thought he was in harmony with your creativity. He, perhaps, did not feel that he was copying you. Also, someone can be unconsciously influenced by your work. It can happen without mal intent.
Since he is a friend and you don't want to sue him, you should have a heart to heart talk with him and explain how you feel, or you will never lose that feeling of violation and it will poison your friendship. Congratulate him on his show and  tell him that you were very surprised to see a collection highly reminiscent of the work you have been creating and sharing with him. The most you can hope for is an apology. 
One of the best ways to deter visual plagiarism is to address it preemptively. Under the law, an automatic copyright is established when an 'original' work is created, composed or written and fixed to a tangible medium such as paper, canvas, recording, a hard drive, on film, etc. So you are establishing a copyright as soon as brush hits canvas. You do not need  to get a copyright registration certificate unless you want to sue someone for copyright infringement.
In future, if you wish to give your work a little extra protection, keep dated, signed and even witnessed, preliminary drafts or sketches. Take dated photos of your work.  The  lesson here is that it's best to create your work and present it when it's ready, as opposed to revealing it to others while the work is in progress.

1 comment:

  1. PIC ,
    My answers in draft on maxy , play with them or write more
    Love PIC


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