Dear Maxy,
I just found out my best friend's parents are getting a divorce . Our parents have been friends for years and they are like a second family to me . Her dad cheated on her mom and her mom has turned the kids against their dad . When my friend tries to talk to me about this situation , I feel very uncomfortable because I think that it is wrong that she does not communicate with her dad. She asks me for advice , but I don't want to go against what she believes is right . I know she is very upset about this situation and I really don't know what to say to her when she brings up the divorce .
Should I try to avoid this subject completely or try and comfort her without giving any opinion ?
Uncomfortable
Dear Uncomfortable ,
You are doing the right thing by not taking sides . There is no winning in this situation if you become too vocal about your opinions . Do your best to simply be there for your friend . Remind her that you love her and want to support her through everything . Suggest that she see a counselor to get professional support as she goes through this incredibly difficult period .
If she asks you to take sides or agree with something that makes you uncomfortable, tell her no . It is OK for you to say that you refuse to speak badly about either of her parents .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
Six years ago, I gave up my job to take care of my mother , while my siblings went off and had fun . After Mom passed , I still had the house to clean and laundry to do . I never asked for a dime But as my own health has declined , everyone continues to treat me like a servant .
My father and brother both say demeaning things to me . My sister-in-law is a know it all and makes it clear she thinks I am an idiot . My son-in-law makes me the butt of his jokes . They all behave as if I am nothing .
I am 60-years-old and tired of this . All I can think of is getting away from every single one of them . Should I ?
Kay
Dear Kay,
Is there a reason you should continue living in your mother's house? Your relatives treat you like a servant because you permit it . It's OK to say no to them . If you can find any type of job that pays, I highly recommend that you start putting money aside and make a life for yourself that you can enjoy . You don't have to cut off contact . You simply need them to see that you no longer will tolerate such treatment .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
Recently , I have been trying to eat healthier so I can lose weight . I join a gym and have been working out at least four times a week . Most of my friends have been understanding and supportive of this goal ; however , one of my best friends is treating me as if it's a joke . She has not taken me seriously at all , and all she does is talk about food ... whether it's a new dessert place we need to try or the mac and cheese she had for dinner the other night . I am insecure about this and she makes me feel uncomfortable because I feel all she does is judge . She is very manipulative and it seems as if she does not want me to reach my goal .
It stresses me out because she is always asking for plans, but I do not want to associate myself with someone so negative .
How can I confront her about this in a nice way .
Texas
Dear Texas ,
Drum up the courage to speak directly to her . Tell her it hurts your feelings knowing that she has been unsupportive of you in your efforts to get healthier and lose weight. Point out the things that she has said that have been hurtful . Remind her that you need her as your friend to be a cheerleader rather than a naysayer . Tell her that if she is not able to be supportive , you will not be able to spend as much time with her .
Do not feel bad about taking care of yourself . In order to make the huge step that you have embarked upon , you need to be completely focused . Surround yourself with supporters .
Maxy
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