Thursday, January 30, 2014

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I'm so tired  of being  the only one  in my family  who takes  responsibility  for anything. I am the  youngest  child  who makes the most money . I have been helping out my  siblings  for years . I pay for one niece's college tuition . I pay for my brother's  mortgage several months out of the year, whenever he  does not have  steady employment . I feel like the family ATM, but whenever I stop helping they, they all accuse  me of being selfish.
I actually  enjoy helping my family  in some ways, but I do not appreciate  them thinking  that it is my responsibility  to take them for a free ride . How can I create a better balance ?
Feeling Used

Dear Feeling Used ,
You are in a predicament that is common  in many families . The one  or ones  with means often help  those that is less fortunate . And as  you already know, the fine line can be difficult  to navigate  between being of help and enabling . What  you may want  to do is invest  in a financial planner  who works  with you  and with your family  members . You can determine  what you will do  for yourself  for now  and your future  including  a finite  amount of money that you will give  to your loved ones . For them , the planner can help  them figure out how to be more stable  in their financial dealing  so that they  can learn to live  within their means  and establish independence .

Dear Maxy ,
"We are here ! We are here !"  This is a gentle suggestion  to consider  reminding your readers  that they can  contact their local YWCA for help  with many of the issues  you address in your column .
The YWCA has been in existence  since 1858 . Each branch  embraces  the following mission : "YWCA is dedicated  to eliminating  racism , empowering women  and promoting peace, freedom , and dignity for all ."
As an example  , our local YWCA provides  shelter  for  victims  of domestic  violence  and sexual assault . Please let  your readers  know they can  contact  their local YWCA when they need help .
Jennifer Graf and Heather  Farwell ,  co-chairs  YWCA  Clinton Iowa

Dear Jennifer Graf and Heather Farwell ,
I am happy to recommend  that  my readers  contact  the YWCA , as well as other service and counseling agencies  I often mention  . Your organization  does give a wonderful  service to the community, I  appreciate  the reminder .

Dear Maxy ,
I was married  for 20 years  when my husband left me for another woman .
At first I was upset , but in the intervening  years I have changed my mind .
"Please print this for her ."
Dear Other Woman.
I bet you thought you were a winner  when my husband left me for you .
You have dealt with his drinking, pot smoking, heart disease, emphysema, baldness , toothless smile, erectile  dysfunction  and bad moods .
You had to support  him because  he was chronically unemployed  and now you are his nursemaid 24/7 .
Because  of you, I have had the freedom  to love, live and travel . I also drive a new car  and have paid off a home  he didn't want . I have enjoyed  children and grandchildren . I thank you . You may have saved my life .
Women if you think  that man you want who belongs  to someone else is a real prize, you haven't  seen the whole picture  .
Grateful Granny

Dear  Granny ,
I appreciate  your voice  of experience . More importantly, you have  underscored  that having a man  in your life  does not  determine  your level  of happiness .
Too many women  believe otherwise .

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