Thursday, December 05, 2013

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My husband and I frequently go out to dinner  with several other couples . One of the wives is a vegetarian . She sometimes  makes a scene with the server. She argues about the way things are prepared  and accuses the wait-staff of lying .
It's become quite embarrassing  and some of our other friends refuse  to go out  with her anymore . It recently  happened again . My husband and I  were mortified  when she sent  her meal back  and accused  the waiter  of giving her the wrong dish . It ruined our night .
I think we should  say something, but my husband  thinks it will ruin our friendship . Any suggestions ?
Dear Carnivore,
It is not unheard  of for restaurants  to prepare meals with chicken broth  or beef stock without declaring it . However it is rude  to accuse  the wait-staff of lying  and cause a scene . I recommend you do a search in your area for vegetarian restaurants   when socializing  with this couple . Otherwise , let them know  you won't be going out to eat  with them because  it is too stressful .

Dear Maxy ,
I have been dating someone for a month and we have  a great connection . He seems  to be very comfortable  sharing and  being vulnerable with me; however, he seems  to have sudden mood swings, get snappy  and distant and withdraws  suddenly . I know he's having  (un) employment  issues and often talks  about his difficult upbringing, which he is trying to forget, but I don't know  how much of this behavior  to deal with before  I am putting  myself  in too much emotional  danger . How do  you know  when to continue  being patient  and when enough is enough ?
Nowhere to Turn

Dear Nowhere ,
One month is not long enough  to truly  know a person . You are still  in the early stages  of learning  about each other . What you have described  sounds like depression, sometimes  caused by circumstances, sometime based on neurological  challenges  . If possible, recommend  to your boyfriend  that he go  to the doctor  and get a physical . Point out  that you  have noticed that he has been  going through major  moods swings  and you are  concerned  about it . Remind  him of  how much you care for him  and you want him to be healthy .
Encourage  him to  get that help . If he refuses   and continues  to be  emotionally  volatile, you may have to distance  yourself  from him for a period of time .

Dear Maxy,
My male friend is gay, but I think he is interested  in having a relationship with me . I am female . He seems jealous  when I mention other guys . What's the best way to initiate  a conversation  about this without  embarrassing him or myself  ?

Dear Off-Kilter ,
This would not be the first time two  friends ...heterosexual  and homosexual ... could fall for each other . While I am not  an expert on this, I have witnessed a number  of friends  who have found  themselves  in a place of intimacy  that grew out of their  genuine  love for each other . Unfortunately, the  instances  that I have witnessed  did not turn out well  because it was  almost a suspension  of reality  for them to be intimately  engaged  for the long haul .
You can't know  unless you talk about it . Be brave and ask your friend  what's up . Point out  that you are getting  the sense that he  is interested  in you romantically . Ask him  to define  what is happening . Talk about  where you both  are and what  you want for your friendship . Do know ,  that it is  unlikely  that love  no matter how real, can trump nature .

Dear Readers ,
Sunday , December 8 , is The Compassionate  Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting  in memory of all the children  who have died . Please light a candle  in the evening  at 7p.m. local time  and remember  them  with love . For more information , log on to compassionatefriends .org, thank you .

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