Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My daughter received an invitation to attend her high school's junior prom and I as a mother, have a few reservations about this . My daughter has performed poorly in school, and I don't think it would be a good idea for her to go . I told her the bad news and she was disappointed . I explained why she can't attend her junior prom and she accepted the lecture . Do you think I was too hard on my daughter ?
Momma Knows Best
Dear Momma Knows Best ,
I understand wanting to take away privileges when your child is not performing well in school, though I am not sure that this is an effective choice at this moment . One option could have been for you to use the prom as an enticement for her to attempt to perform better . You could have negotiated terms with her for attendance based on behavioral and / or academic improvements .
Additionally, you may want to investigate her poor performance more thoroughly to find out the root of her problems . Meet with her guidance counselor and teachers to figure out why she is not doing well . She may need a tutor or a psychologist . Solving challenges at school is rarely simple . Taking away a desireable activity may seem to be a solution, but it may be touching only the surface of her issues .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
The other day , we invited a couple out to lunch as our guests . However, my wife and I were upset when they ordered appetizers without asking us . We never order appetizers, because we watch our diets and feel the dinner provides plenty of food . Also, since we were paying for it, why should they order something we ourselves didn't order .
We Kept our thoughts to ourselves but would like to know whether this was proper .
Feeling Exploited
Dear Exploited ,
Guests should always take their cues from the hosts . If you did not suggest appertizers, they should not have ordered them on their own . However, as hosts, you cannot insist that your guests share your food preferences in a restaurant . It would have been gracious of you to ask whether they would like to order appetizers .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I'm a 23-year-old woman graduating with my MBA this May . I've paid my way through college and grad school with no assistance . As a graduation present to myself, I'm having a party . I'm financing this party all by myself . Since this is a major accomplishment, I wish my family would ask or offer to help me plan, buy decorations or if there's anything I need .
I feel they don't care. When I speak to my grandmother about the party, her response is "I don't care what you do, just don't make it here !" Not to have family support makes me upset, and I'd think they'd want to do all they can to help me celebrate. Maxy , how do I let my family know my feelings ?
Needs my Family
Dear Needs Family ,
You need to lower your expectations . You may also want to take a different approach . There is a chance that your family feels like you do not need them since you have done it all on your own . If they are not as highly educated as you, that could also be a source of strain on some . Yes, you would hope that they would be proud of your accomplishments ... and they may be . They just may not know how to engage you about it . Instead of looking for enthusiasm, plant some enthusiastic seeds . Ask your mother if she would like to help you decorate . Ask your grandmother if she would like to invite any of her friends . Ask things in bite size nuggets, small enough that they can feel comfortable responding without feeling overwhelmed . Coax them into being a part of your celebration . Some of them may come around . Be sure to keep your good friends close, though , so that you will have emotional support .
Maxy.