Ask Maxy

 

Dear Maxy ,
I have a wonderful husband and a problem that started when we married last year.
We had a destination wedding . My husband's stepfather paid for the immediate family to stay at a beautiful rental house . My brother's ex "Martha" surprised us by coming and she brought her daughter along with a friend and her 3-year-old . The next day Martha and her friend had to check out of their hotel hours before the wedding and simple assumed they would hang around the rental house until then . This was not OK.
Martha never asked permission . She and her friend left the toddler at the house while they went to get food and they came back with nothing for the child , so she went into the kitchen and made him a sandwich from our supplies . I can understand my mother-in-law being upset, but she overreacted and blew up at Martha . They argued and Martha left .
Although my mom understood how Martha can annoy people , she shut herself off from them from then on . She didn't help me into my dress, paid no attention during the wedding and spoke to no one . After the wedding we had a small reception at the house and she locked herself in our room .
My husband's mother apologized profusely to my mother after the incident, but Mom refuses to get over it . She won't come to family gatherings when my in-laws are present . I have tried to broker a truce, and I've told my mother I will no longer listen when she says negative things about my mother-in-law . The end result is that nothing is resolved .
Stressed
Dear Stressed ,
I think your mother is jealous of your in-laws and hopes her petulance will make you more attentive . It's working . You are expending a great deal of energy on this situation . Stop . Tell Mom the subject is closed and if she chooses to lose out on family time, that is her decision .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I need some advice on how to handle putdowns from my wife's friends . It started when our nosey neighbor saw my wife beat me in a wrestling match . Now the neighbor remarks about my getting beat up by a woman .
My wife refuses to come to my defense and says I have to deal with this woman myself . How do I deal with these gossipy bullies ?
Mad
Dear Mad ,
It maight help if you make yourself less of an easy target . You allow this neighbor to discombobulate you . Ignore her, or laugh it off .
Her opinions are unimportant . But tell your wife that you expect her to stick up for you when her friends insults you, because she would certainly want you to do the same for her .
Maxy