Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
My father , my brothers and I all served during Operation Iraqi Freedom .Only my father and I deployed to combat areas .
Dad retired five years ago and is now showing drastic symptoms of PTSD . He is stockpiling food and medical supplies and keeps trying to get my wife and me to "prepare" for when "it hits the fan." He spends hours a day obsessively watching the news . Our children used to spend time unsupervised with my parents , but that stopped when I found a loaded handgun in his bathroom cabinet .
My mother broached the topic of therapy , and I've offered to go with him , as I've been wrestling with some mild PTSD issues myself . But my brothers intercede every time and convince him not to go . I've been unable to find any home counselling services and even our pastor says this is out of his realm of expertise . What other options are out there ?
Concerned Son
Dear Concerned Son ,
You may have better luck getting your father to accept help if you approach this as a possible medical problem , rather than a psychiatric issue . I also suggest you ask him to join you for exercise at a yoga class , which can be useful for some PTSD . Contact (ptsd.va.gov) or Military One Source (militaryonesource.mil) at 1-800-342-9647 , and ask to speak to a councellor or get a referral to local military treatment facilities .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
My maternal grandparents passed within months of each other . My mother hated her parents and kept them away from us . I never knew them well. I'm in my late 20s and have never been an emotional person .
I went to my grandparents funerals out of respect , but my sister went overboard , sobbing and moaning during the service , even though she knew them less than I did . For weeks after , she emailed and texted me saying she couldn't sleep and that she'd never "fill the hole" the loss represented .
My sister and my parents say I'm heartless because I didn't respond this way . My mother actually upbraided me for not weeping sufficiently . People grieve in different ways . How do I nicely ask them to please stop crying on me because it's making me uncomfortable ?
Not Grieving That Much
Dear Grieving ,
Unless someone is crying on you day after day, please try to tolerate what you can , and then gently extricate yourself . Pat them on the shoulder . Get them a seat . Ask if they need a tissue . Then walk away .
You don't have to demonstrate such obvious mourning yourself . You are right that everyone grieves differently , and you are not obligated to put on a show . But it would be useful to learn how to convey sympathy to others , whether or not you believe they deserve it .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I used to be super-close to one of my cousins . We talked all the time and really seemed more like sisters . Even after she moved clear across the country, we stayed in touch and shared stories about our lives . Several years ago she moved a few continents away and we lost touch with each other .
She called me out of the blue recently for my birthday and it was so sweet . In a way , it felt like no time had passed between us . It was so great .
When we got off the phone , I realize she hadn't given me her contact information . I do not want five more years to go by . What can I do ?
Cuz
Dear Cuz ,
It is wonderful that you reconnected with your cousin . I doubt that she intended to withhold her phone number . But do not despair . The Internet is an incredibly useful tool for finding people . Look at all the traditional social media sites and search for your cousin's name . Also , think about which family members might have her contact information , check with them to see if they know how to reach her .
I'm sure she told you where she lives . Find out if the local telephone company there might have a listing for her .
You are likely to find her ... if she doesn't reach out to you again first . Don't give up !
Maxy