Monday, October 12, 2009

Do's and Don'ts on a First Date

Woman Vs Man
Opinions of men and women who have been there and are sharing their experiences with us. Also some writers who have researched the subject.
*DON’T get ahead of yourself.
It’s OK to get excited before you go out with someone new, but stay realistic. As pessimistic as this sounds, if your expectations are low, then a good date will be a welcome surprise and a bad date will be no biggie.

*DO be open to unexpected date ideas.
A homemade meal, PBR and Guitar Hero might be a better way to get to know each other than the standard restaurant and a movie. Plus, are you really going to ask someone to take you out for filets, cocktails and the theater in this economy?

*DO wear flats.
Although heels can be super sexy, you never know where a first date will lead you. I’ve been on first dates that ended with a lovely walk around town (hello, blisters!) or a visit to a neighborhood playground (tripping all over myself!). Flats will let you feel open to anything the night may bring.

*DO wear sexy underwear.
Even if you don’t shed your clothes, your non-Hanes undies will give you confidence. Plus, if you do end up stripping down to your skivvies, you DON’T want to end up wearing granny panties a la Bridget Jones.

*DON’T let him take you to a second location if you don’t like him.
Too often, I politely follow the guy to another bar, and another, when really I just want to go home and read. It’s better for both of you if you just speak up.

*DO bring dental supplies with you.
I once ordered a shredded beef burrito and there was a string of meat stuck in my teeth. I would’ve excused myself to the bathroom to fix it, but I hadn’t brought my floss with me. So I sat there, not listening to him and going crazy. Now I bring mints, gum, spray, floss—everything. Seriously. Besides, you never know if you’ll want to make out

*DON’T wear anything too sexy over the underwear.
You are not going to a club on a first date—we hope! So don’t dress in a way that inspires him to grind against you to Rihanna’s newest song.

*DO Facebook him.
Try not to confuse what he tells you and what you read about him. If you run out of things to talk about, maybe mention a YouTube video that he has on his page.

*But DON’T let him know you’ve been Google-stalking him all week.
Look, we know that you’ve been investigating this guy online since you learned his last name. (We don’t blame you, and chances are he’s done the same to you.) But if you start in on his alma mater, favorite bands and how his hair looked in 2004 (that was found thanks to your mad skills at image searching), you are going to creep him out. Big-time.

*DON’T drink and date.
One glass of wine is fine. Two or more could lead to sudden, instant and otherwise immediate death of a potential relationship. My friend Katherine is a smart and beautiful girl, but whenever she has a few drinks, she starts swearing like a sailor. If she were not a little tipsy, she would never talk so trashy. Guys are instantly turned off by her behavior, and she often wonders why first dates never turn into seconds.

*DO have a positive attitude.
I tried to plan a really neat first date—something different. So I pick her up, and it’s cold out, and the restaurant I was going to take her to is closed. We’re in an abandoned area, and it’s cold; I’m not looking so good right now. Finally we find a place to eat, except the menu is all in Korean. We point to something and what comes out tastes like rubber chicken. Then, when we get to the bowling alley, it seems like we’re the only non-gang members there. But it was an amazing date because she was cool. Her positive attitude dictated how the date would go.


*DO order a big-girl meal.
Do you really think a puny salad will hold you over all night?


*DON’T question his height.
If he’s 5’10” on his driver’s license, and in his heart, suspend your disbelief. Feel free to store it for something to make fun of later.


*DO act interested in what he is saying.
No one wants to go on a first date with the human equivalent of a dead-fish handshake. If you don’t like where the date is headed, end it early. But if you are tired, hung over or depressed about the economic apocalypse, don’t let it affect your time together. Talk. Ask questions. Make eye contact.


*DON’T turn your dates into therapy sessions.
My friend Isabel just had the worst year of her life: She had foreclosed on her house and was in serious debt. Whenever she was out with a guy, she would unload all her frustrations right on his plate! No one wants to hear you ramble on about your sick cat, annoying boss or stalker ex-boyfriend. If she was hoping for a second date, Isabel should’ve asked more questions and done more listening than talking.


*On that note, DON’T psychoanalyze your date.
A guy once got all Freud on me and asked me if I had trouble getting close to men because of my relationship with my father. Totally inappropriate, considering we’d just met.

*But DON’T get too personal.
One woman on our message boards reminisced about a guy who asked her how many kids she wanted. “I’m hoping for at least one little girl,” he added. Sweet…yet a tad premature. Another woman wanted to know if it was normal that a guy asked her about her credit score and credit limit. Yeah, not normal.


*DON’T talk about your ex.
No good can come of this! You’ll seem either bitter, heartless or still hung-up—and any one of these is a huge turnoff.


*No, really, DON’T talk about your ex.
“Hypotheticals” that start with “would you” or “can you believe” are transparent and indicate that your head is somewhere else. So DON’T ask your date, “Would you ever, I mean ever, skip someone’s cousin’s wedding to go to some Final Four game?”

*DO discuss issues that are important to you.
Why wait to find out that the two of you don’t see eye to eye on something you feel passionately about?

*DON’T talk about sex.
Unless you’re planning on having sex on the first date, in which case you should definitely talk about your sexual history. But if not, it’s nice to leave a little something to the imagination—and to save something for the second date.

*DON’T let him take you to a second location if you don’t like him.
Too often, I politely follow the guy to another bar, and another, when really I just want to go home and read. It’s better for both of you if you just speak up.

*DON’T try to add him as a Facebook friend after the first date.
It will just freak him out and make him feel like you’re trying to snoop on him (which of course you are…but that’s what Google is for!).

*DO break the dating rules.
If you want to call him, call—he’ll appreciate it. If you want to make the first move, do it—why
not?

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