Thursday, December 31, 2015

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I got the most baffling birthday party invitation . My friend , in an effort to reclaim her youth , has decided to throw herself a 45th birthday --- at a strip club ! I had no idea this was an option , let alone an appealing one for a birthday party , I am conflicted about whether to attend . I didn't expect the invitation to have the entire printed schedule , but just noting that we are celebrating youth at a strip club brought up some questions for me . Will we be dancing to reclaim our youth ? Is the entire club rented out for this party , or will there be gentlemen at this gentlemen's club as well ? Part of me wants to go to see the spectacle , but part of me worries this will be harmful to my reputation . Am I over reacting ? Is it rude of me to ask questions to the host about the activities ? I have never been invited to a party of this sort before , or been aware they exsist .
Not Dancing , Jackson Mississippi
Dear Not Dancing ,
Your friend is getting sassy, eh? Good for her . Having fun and celebrating your birthday is a healthy outlet. And it's perfectly  fine for you  to feel  apprehensive about it if you are un-used to this kind of entertainment. Of course you should  ask her about the details of going to this club . You can probably look it up online, too . Some strip clubs are set up  to have large group parties and are largely harmless  events  with a bit of  sexy dancing by the employees and tossing of dollar bills by the patrons . It's only at seedier  locations  that more lewd behavior occurs .
Ultimately, you  have to decide  your own level of comfort . If you choose not to attend, try not to pass judgement on those who do, when you decline  the invitation. Simply tell your friend  that you feel uneasy  about  a strip club .

Dear Maxy ,
My co-worker received a bouquet of flowers at work from her fiance a month ago . These flowers are long gone rotten , and I don't think she realizes the difference between "rotten" and "dried." The flowers are turning black and the stems are shriveling up and causing an eyesore for the company and our clients . I have considered getting her a new arrangement of flowers myself , but this won't be cherished like the flowers from her fiance . Usually , people are allowed to decorate their desks as they please and no one comments , but you can tell from puzzled glances that these rotting flowers are drawing negative attention . I love to garden , so I was thinking of suggesting I use them as fertilizer or offer to teach her how to dry flowers so future flowers do not rot . Am I sticking my nose where it dosen't belong ? 
Rotten Flowers 
Dear Rotten Flowers ,
Go to your co-worker  privately, and tell her   that her  bouquet  has gone bad  and is now an eyesore . Suggest  that she throw it away, but  hold onto the memory . If  she balks, tell you believe the rotten flowers are bad for business  and you know she wouldn't want that .

Dear Maxy ,
After my dad died , my mom went to live out of state with my brother and his wife . My brother took control of everything . He convinced her that she was incapable of making her own decisions and had her open joint bank accounts that he had full access to .
Recently , Mom confided that she has no idea why she can never get over a certain amount of saving in her account . She knows she should have more money put away , but fully trusts my brother and will not confront him about it . My brother has also pushed me out of Mom's life . He will not let me visit her or allow her to come to my home . I am lucky if I get to speak to her once a day on the phone .
My children miss their grandmother and don't understand why there is such a drastic change in her behavior . Family is just not family anymore and the holidays seem sad . I don't know what to do . My brother and his wife want nothing to do with their niece and nephew . 
Please Help --- Missing Mom 
Dear Please Help ,
While it's possible  that your mother  simply  doesn't remember  what money is being put into her account , it is more likely  that your  brother  is taking advantage of her  account --- especially  if he  will not  permit  you to visit or communicate with her . This is very worrisome . If you  believe your brother  is being abusive toward your mother, either  by stealing  her money  or preventing  others from   from checking on her well being , please contact Adult Protective  Services  in the city  where she lives or get  information  on local state  resources  through the National Center on Elder Abuse  at  (
This is putting a heavy responsibility on you but who else will protect her?

Dear Maxy ,
I read the letter from "lonely Not Lust," the 67-year-old woman who went on a date with a man who seemeed nice , but who grabbed her breast after saying goodnight . It reminded me of the comments that my doctors always made after my exams .
I am in my 60s and single . Both doctors always ask if I'm sexually active . Then they warn me to make sure that my partner has been to his doctor and tested for STDs . This is the age of viagra and a large percentage of their practice is devoted to men with STDs , especially those living in asisted living and senior residences where the women outnumber the men . The men I have been with lately think the women are all waiting for them to ravish us . How stupid can they be ? Please consider educating people on this subject .
Dear N .
According  to the CDC, the incidence of syphilis  among seniors  is up by 52 percent , and the number of chlamydia  cases has risen  32 percent  since 2007, many of these  cases  in retirement  communities  . The increase  is attributed  to living  longer, healthier  lives, along with  the accessibility of erectile  dysfunction  drugs . Many seniors  seem to believe  that if pregnancy  is not an issue, condom  use is unimportant  . But as we get older, our immune systems weaken, making seniors  much more  susceptible  to becoming infected  by STDs.
I commend  your  doctors  for discussing STDs with you . Medicare offers free STDs screening for seniors  and low cost  treatment  for those who need it .

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