Thursday, November 19, 2015
An old fliration recently resurfaced in my life, and we're enjoying getting reacquainted . There's even a possibility of a long-term relationship . We are both in our 60s, so a late-in-life romance is fun and comforting .
The problem is, I accidentally discovered his interest in videos of pubescent girls , around 11 or 12 years old . He told me to check a travel video on his computer and I was shocked to see his viewing history --- it also included adult fetish-type imagery . The kid videos had creepy comments from viewers about the young girls' feet . When I told him that anyone could stumble upon his viewing history , he was embarrassed but then said , "I don't see anything wrong with it ." Maxy , I'm not too concerned about the adult fetish content, but kids ?
We were at the beach once and when a little girl in her wet bathing suit walked into our beachside cafe, he was transfixed, staring at her . I asked him a carefully worded question, saying , "Does any part of your brain tell you that is a child ?' He thought for a second and then said, "No." He also ogles teenage girls , especially if they are wearing "sexy" shoes .
This is troubling me . Also, our sex life is peculiar . We make out furiously , but have never been able to consumate our relationship due to his erectile dysfunction . I have to wonder if he is capable of relating to an age-appropriate woman . He is divorced with two grown children and an 8-year-old granddaughter .
Sad and Worried
Dear Sad ,
Please, seriously reconsider this relationship . Your creepy boyfriend sounds like a pedophile with a foot fetish . If his sexual orientation is underage girls with sexy shoes, your bedroom relationship is doomed . The reason for his erectile dysfunction is that you are not an underage girl with sexy shoes.
He is not about to change his sexual predilections at his age. What he is doing on line, going to pedophile websites, may be against the law. And downloading pedophile material is pretty much illegal everywhere.
So you have a decision to make; either you want to buy into his lifestyle so you can enjoy his company, or you want to find a guy with a healthy sexual appetite for a mature woman. There are lots out there. Don't be swayed by your nostalgic sentiment of a past flirtation with him. Face the facts.
Be concerned about his eight year old granddaughter's safety. Her parents should be informed that Grandpa has some inappropriate ideas about young girls. If he acted on his impulses, you would have to live with that. The family will not appreciate your disclosure and they may deny it but you can be sure they will keep a closer eye on Grandpa.
Dear Maxy ,
I am a 17-year-old female . I have been battling with depression since I was young . I have had traumatic events in my life . Both of my parents died before I was 13 . My mother was abusive and my father had to be both mother and father to me . I also have a younger brother . I currently live in a foster care .
I have recently wanted to learn more about my past . I've been told I should move on and not dwell on what I can't change . But I have a lot of questions and some guilt about how I handled things when I was younger . Am I doing the right thing by pursuing this or am I just hurting myself ?
Battling with Wanting to Know More
Dear Battling ,
I think you deserve to know the truth . But knowing about your past involves the bad as well as the good . It may be more hurtful to you than helpful, at this time. It is very common for kids, who were adopted or fostered out, to feel rejected and abandoned by their parents, whether they are living or dead. These feelings are often accompanied by a damaged sense of self esteem and guilt. You are having a typical reaction to your situation.
First of all, a thirteen year old girl is not guilty of anything. You were an innocent child. Your behavior was a direct response to your mother's abuse. You were not responsible for the way she acted. No one has the right to hurt a child. She, obviously, had her own issues and there was no way you, a little girl, could fix her.
Before you delve further into this you should definitely speak to a counselor who specializes in helping teens to cope. Go to your case worker or school counselor to get advice or a referral.
When you are feeling more positive about yourself, it would be helpful to see if you can establish a relationship with your brother. It would be good for both of you to have a bond to family. As for examining your past, wait a couple of years until you have let go of your emotional burden and healed and can handle the negativity it might produce.
Take care of yourself and write to me anytime,
Dear Maxy ,
I needed a ride to the airport and did not want to pay $60 cab fee . So I went on social media and asked those in my area if anyone was willing to drive me for less . I got an anonymous response and I asked the sender for his Facebook account to see if I was being scammed . This person looked reliable , and I ended getting a safe and enjoyable ride to the airport for $5 . Upon hearing about this , my friends were amazed that I could be so "stupid" and "irresponible" and get a ride from a stranger . I feel like I did my research and was prepared to walk away if I got to the arranged meeting spot and my driver wasn't who he promised to be .
I was thinking adventurously. It's the key to life , and my friends should be more open to different experiences . When asked to explain myself , I said I did not want to pay the high cab rate and wanted to see if the Internet would help me out . I think my friends are being boring and sheltered , and definitely plan on doing this again . Should I not tell them before I go ? I told them before I went previously , just in case , but I want to avoid their judgement .
Bargain on the Road
Dear Bargain on The Road ,
Sorry , but I emphatically agree your friends . I think you were lucky you got away with it, this time. Any ride that costs five dollars is not on the up and up. Your friendly driver was looking for something else. What you did was tantamount to hitch hiking. Approximately 2700 women a year, in the USA, are assaulted, murdered and dumped by the side of the road, or simply disappear, as a result of hitch hiking. In other words...getting into a car with a stranger.
I understand the desire for adventure, but find a safer outlet . If you insist on doing this again, tell friends, family or co-workers and let them know where you are going.
Call and give them the licence plate number, make, and color of the car as soon as you see it. At least they will have a starting point from which to begin their search if you don't arrive. Here is my last word of advice....DON'T.
Dear Maxy ,
I was at a party when I looked over and saw a celebrity rubbing shoulders with me ! This was my first time being near a celebrity in a casual setting and I had no idea what to do . I totally froze and embarrassed myself . I recently relocated to this area and never thought I'd be in the same room as Hollywood stars . I couldn't even introduce myself , even though this person was basically right next to me . I totally made a fumble . How do I present myself properly to celebrities or high-profile people without freezing and making a fool of my self ? I've never even gotten my photo taken, let alone been globally known !Stargazing
You are shy. Most of us are, in the presence of famous people. Remember they are humans too. They put their pants on, one leg at a time, they bleed, they eat, burp and they go to the bathroom. Picturing that may help you to reduce them from super beings back to just people. They want to be treated like regular folks because under all the hype and publicity...that's all they are.
Just simply saying hello and introducing yourself works best or mentioning the reason for the event. But if you need more, commit to memory a few handy, pleasant greetings, ice-breakers and amusing comments and keep them in the back of your mind to fall back on when you get tongue-tied.