Ask Maxy

 Dear Maxy ,
I have been married to "Bruno" for 40 years . During this time , I have found his various porn magazines hidden in multiple places . My reaction has always been to throw them away and not mention it . 
A few months ago , I again found his stash , but this time I left them where he had them hidden . I have discovered he takes the magazines out to look at the women every time I leave the house . Every single time I feel like he is cheating on me . It's very distrubing .
Bruno is otherwise a great guy , but that doesn't make his actions acceptable to me . Evidently , he is never going to stop this behavior and I don't think I can live with it . Now what ? 
Not Good Enough 
Dear Enough ,
For 40 years  , you've put  up with this . Now that you know Bruno is looking at these pictures  more frequently  than you subjected  , you  are  ready to call  it a day . What did  you think he was doing  with those magazines  ? 
Reading the articles ?
Please  understand  that , distasteful  as it is , Bruno porn  fascination  has  nothing to do with you . And frankly  , there is  so much  Internet porn  these  days , including  live  video , that checking  out  girlie magazines  seems  fairly  benign .  I'm not  condoning  Bruno's porn habit , but it  doesn't  seem to be the type serious  addiction  that makes some men  spend enormous  amounts  of time  and money looking  for increasingly  active methods  of stimulation .
Please  ask yourself  whether  Bruno been a  good husband . Does he pay  attention to you ? Does  he support  you financially ? Is he a  good  companion ? The magazine  porn is only  one part  of  your  life  and  it  doesn't  have to be  the most important part . Please talk to Bruno  about  this . Tell him how much  it bothers you . Ask whether  he would  make a sincere effort  to stop .  Try S-Anon  (san.org ) for spouses  of porn addicts . Get counseling  you need it . I don't  think this  is worth throwing  away  40 years of  an otherwise  good marriage .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I could have wrote the same letter as "Hopeless and Confused," who said she's been married for 24 years who doesn't show any affection and responds to her requests for deep , meaningful talks with text messages .
Tell her to run , don't walk to a counselor knowledge in diagnosing Asperger's syndrome .
Our counselor helped me move past my 30 years of pain and resentment , helped my husband to understand the ramifications and frustrations of his condition , and best of all , taught us how to lower expectations and move forward in our marriage . We are joyfully celebrating anniversary 37 years in December !
RA in Fla.
Dear RA ,
I remember  the  letter  you speak of  very well . Thank you for suggesting  this possibility  . Asperger's syndrome  is an  autism spectrum disorder , and  common symptoms  include  difficulty  with social skills  and communication . You could  be right  about this man , and "Hopeless should look into it  . More information  is available  through  ( aspergersyndrone. org )     (Autismspeaks.org )  and  ( autism-society.org ) 
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I am very proud of my nails . I take good care of them , and they have grown to be long and strong . I also make sure to cut and file them if they are getting too long and crossing over into unkempt territory . I enjoy getting complimented on my nails , but some people have decided it's their duty to try and rip off my nails as though they are fake . It seems like a backhanded compliment to me , but I do not like hearing , "they're so long , they can't be real !" As someone tries to bend my nails . I have awkwardly laughed this comment off and withdrawn my hand , but I find it incredibly strange . Both men and women have done this , and I try to explain that these are my real nails and I take good care of them , but the comments don't stop . Should I peg this as jealousy or assume this is a hint to make my nails shorter ?
Not Nailing It
Dear Not Nailing It ,
Whether  you have  artificial  nails  or  natural  nails , it is  incredibly  rude  for someone  to try  to pull  your  nail off . Given how  much you tend  to your  nails  , I'm wondering  if  you ever brag  about the  health  of  your  nails . Whether  you do so  consciously  or  not , if you do  , you may  want  to  tone that down . Drawing attention  to your  beautiful nails  may be  backfiring  on you right  now . 
That said , the people who are grabbing  at you  do not need an explanation . If someone  reaches  out to  pull your nails  , immediately  and sharply ask not  to touch them .
Maxy 

 Dear Maxy ,
It's the time of the year when people come in sick to work . I take many measures to not get sick , but some ill co-workers do not seem to get the hint . I keep hand sanitizer at my desk , along with disinfecting wipes and vitamins . I eat as many fruits and vegetables as possible , drink water and make sure I sleep enough each night . There are some sick people who do not seem to understand that my disinfectants and vitamins are meant for them to stay away , not invite them to my desk to use them ! People come by for hand sanitizer or to get a wipe to clean their keyboards , but they have the germs I am trying to keep away !
I don't want to seem rude and deny anyone , but I do not want to get sick . How do I keep the sicklings away from my desk ?
No days Off 
Dear No Days  Off ,
Speak  to  your  human resources  department  and suggest  that they  provide  some of the cleaning  products  that you currently  have on your desk  for the whole  company .
Argue  that you are attempting  to keep yourself well  as sick people  continue  to come  to work , but you  do not want  to be  the supplier  of  cleaning  supplies  to the office . 
You may also  want  to pit  your  cleaning  items  under  lock and  key  . When people  come to borrow  that proverbial  cup of  sugar  --- in this case  , hand sanitizer --- suggest that they get their  own .
Maxy