Thursday, July 16, 2015

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
A friend of mind has informed me she has stage four cancer . She shared some details about her situation , and we discussed the possibility of alternative treatments because she is not interested in chemotherapy treatments . (she believes she will die). I told my friend that I would help her in any way possible to find an alternative treatment . However , I would like to gather a few friends together and try persuading her to do chemo treatments . The cancer is spreading and I am afraid we may lose her if she does not treat her condition as soon as possible .
Being A Friend, Shreveport
Dear Being a Friend ,
Stage 4 means that the cancer has already metastasized in your friend's body . Without aggressive treatment , she very well may die . I'm sure the doctors have told her this , but it may be very difficult  to accept or even understand . I have experienced several friends who faced stage-4 cancer and really could not wrap their heads around it . In some cases my friends survived with treatment but they ultimately died .
What you can do is support your friend by being a good listener, showing up to help with whatever she needs and understanding her choices . Ask her what her doctors are recommending . As far as alternative treatments, she still needs medical care to support that . Find out if her doctor can make some suggestions . 
Look for a homeopathic doctor in your area . Ask friends to help and support your friend . Rather than pressuring her to take chemo, ask her to talk about what she wants and what she hopes for her future . She has to decide .

Dear Maxy ,
I saw an old friend recently , and it was so nice to reconnect with her . It was also a little uncomfortable . I'm pretty sure we stopped being friends because of me . We were trying to do business together, and I didn't like the way she was going about our project . Rather than being direct about it , I retreated. Eventually , we talked about it a little, but I left the situation with messy loose ends . How can I mend the fence ? Do I let it go since it happened a long time ago ?
Making Amends
Dear Making Amends ,
Chances are that since you have  such strong feeling about what happened between you and your old friend, she has some of her own . Even if you are the only one feeling remorse, it is definitely worth it for you to say something to clear the air . This might encourage your friend to open up about her feelings also.You can write a note, invite her to tea to talk or pick up the phone . It is always better to start with a clean slate so that there is no lingering cloud over your friendship.

Dear Maxy ,
I've seen all those commercials about erectile dysfunctionn, but , I didn't understand what it meant until the other day when my husband couldn't perform . He and I hadn't been intimate in a really long time . When we tried this time , it didn't quite work . I felt so bad , but I didn't say anything .Should I bring it up ? If so, how ?
Unknown Territory
Dear Unknown Territory ,
Given you say that you and your husband have not engaged intimately for a long time, it is not unusual that he did not respond  as expected. There is an old saying which states, 'if you don't use it, you lose it'. Perhaps you just need to get back into the routine. I would not mention it to him at the present time.
If you are ready to pursue intimacy with your husband again, take it slowly, no pressure. Start by holding hands more frequently . Offer to give him a back rub, and  give him more physical contact and affection. Ease into intimacy over time . Perhaps he will be able to perform in the future . If not, after a suitable length of time ( according to your judgement ) you should talk to him about seeing your physician . If the problem is physical, there are many ways a doctor can help .

Dear Maxy ,
I visited a good friend this weekend . She looked beautiful , but she had serious pits . Her underarms reeked ! I was shocked , given how meticulous I know her to be . She is married and I can't believe her husband didn't say anything . When I mentioned it to my husband , he suggested that they both may have a compromised sense of smell . I want to tell my friend , but not sure how . What do you suggest ?
Hygiene Challenged , Shreveport ,Louisiana
Dear Hygiene Challenge ,
I surely would want to know if I had body odor . This can happen sometimes if people do not like to use deodorant or take a chemical reaction to it. Or, more seriously, if they have one of several  medical conditions which affect the body's chemistry .  What you eat can also alter your body's chemistry and odor. Since you consider your friend to be particularly careful about her hygiene, there is a good chance that her body odor is an indication of a bigger issue.
By all means, speak to her, if you are a close, intimate friend. Make sure you two are together in private . You can start by saying you have something very sensitive you want to share with her . Ask her permission to bring it up and be sure to say it is because you care and are concerned about her. Tell her that sometimes she has an odor which could indicate a health problem. Putting it that way will help to ease an awkward situation. Tell her you felt it was important to mention it for her own well being and also so she can avoid social embarrassment.

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