Geezer Day on Fun to be Bad

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly bloated and wasted, totally exhausted and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND......
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than North Americans.
2. The South Americans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than North Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than North Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than North Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than North Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink whatever you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.

"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded.
"Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up asked, " But does she still have the hiccups?"

I’m getting older now and can’t tolerate the cold like I used to, so last year my wife and I replaced all the windows in our house with those fancy expensive double-panel energy efficient kind. Gotta nice tax break also. Anyway, today I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and we still hadn't paid for them. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy Harold had told me last year when he installed them, and I quote, “In one year, these windows will pay for themselves!” It's been a year now I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. Don’t mess with us seniors.

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied. 'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.' I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came!"

Can you guess who they are??? It was the last known picture taken of them

A guy is 74 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say a gain, 'Pick me up.' He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, 'Are you talking to me?' The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'...ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!' The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket. The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.' He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

The guys at the barber shop asked me to name the actress I would like to be stuck with in an elevator. I told them the one who knows how to fix elevators. I'm old, I'm tired, and I have to pee a lot.

There was a bit of confusion at Ace Hardware this morning. When I was ready to pay for my purchases the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me!" Making a mental note to complain to the store owner, I reluctantly did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking had finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card. Ain't easy getting old


The Golden years are here at last.

I cannot see, I cannot pee.

I cannot chew, I cannot screw.

My memory shrinks, my hearing stinks.

No sense of smell, I look like hell....
The Golden years have come at last.
The Golden years can kiss my ass.