Thursday, February 26, 2015

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
Please help me bring awareness and education about organ donation . There are thousands of people waiting for a transplant and hundreds of others awaiting a replacement of a previously transplanted organ . Many organ recipients outlive the longevity of their transplant .
Please tell your readers that living organ donors offer better longevity than organs from a cadaver donor . Finding donors promptly is also less expensive and much better health-wise .
In recent years, a great deal has changed with transplants for both the recipient and the living donors; i.e. kidney transplants are now being done Laparoscopically and recuperation for the donor now averages two weeks .
Potential recipients use every resource available, but don't always find a match . Please ask your readers to help those in need . Sadly our family knows the importance of this from personal experience .
Ardis Brother 
 Dear friend,  Ardis' brother,
Your letter speaks, eloquently, for itself. My family also has had personal experience in waiting for a kidney donor.
Many people are on waiting lists for organs for years. Many do not live to receive one. As a living donor you can donate  one of  your kidneys, or even one of two lobes of your liver . You, also, can donate part of the lung, the pancreas or the intestines because the remaining portions stay fully functional . And finally, living donors can donate skin, bone, blood, marrow, blood stem cells and umbilical cord blood after childbirth . Organ donors  are 'NOT' charged, although sometimes there are  other  costs, such as  travel expenses . You can also easily arrange to donate organs after your death.  Please do some research for yourself and give it serious consideration.
For  more  information on organ donation , check out :  ( ). For finanical assistance, contact ( )

Dear Maxy ,
It has been said that love doesn't cost a thing, though it's possible that's just a good movie title . Whether it is money, time or energy, love does indeed cost . 
I have recently gotten engaged to my fiancee and I can't wait to marry her . We are now in the planning mode for the wedding and I realize that money is beginning to spread thin . 
Being a young working professional, I have decided to keep the wedding small but still invite my close friends from college . I am beginning to feel pressured to spend what I don't have because many of my friends continue asking if I will have an open bar at the reception . I won't ; an open bar is simply too much money for my budget . But I want my friends to have fun . Is it really worth spending the extra money for an open bar reception ?
Groom on a Budget 
Dear Groom on a Budget ,
Weddings are about love, hope — and toasts! They're also about priorities and how to balance them. Naturally, you want  to host a wedding that will be classy, memorable and enjoyable for all your guests .
Wedding etiquette suggests that your guests should not have to pay for their drinks. That does not mean that you should go into unnecessary debt . You may want to consider providing a couple ( or more) of complimentary bottles of wine and one bottle of champagne ( for a wedding toast ) for each table. You could also have a very large and potent bowl of  punch displayed prominently.
You can also have a 'soft bar' which limits the open bar to beer, wine and vodka cocktails ( or other specific popular mixed drinks). These options are commonly used these days when couples are on a budget . Another  budget friendly idea is to have a disposable camera on each table so the guests can snap pictures for you and leave the cameras on the tables after the reception. This can save a bundle on a photographer and you can put the extra cash toward the alcohol.
 Most important is for you to manage your friends expectations and above all, make it a beautiful day for you and your bride.

Dear Maxy ,
I've recently been invited to a company party as a new friend's plus one. I want to go, but I found out the company is an employer of an old flame, who I dated during high school and throughout college . We did not end on good terms . I don't really know how things would go having a face-to-face interaction . The new guy that I am dating doesn't know about the previous guy and I don't want him to ditch me because of my former relationship . This is the first time we are going out as a couple . Should I tell him about the previous guy and attend the party , or should I avoid the situation altogether ?
 Dear Betwixt,
You definitely should let  your new guy know  that  your  ex works at his  company. Without going into  excessive detail, let him know that  you two dated for some time when you were younger and it didn't end well . Honesty is always the best policy. Express your trepidation  about  going  to the party . Talk it through together and make a decision that allows you both to feel comfortable . If you decide to go, don't spend the evening trying to avoid your ex and spoiling the fun for you and your date. If you come face to face with him, smile, greet him politely and move on. It wouldn't be wise to engage him in conversation if there are still hard feelings.

Dear Maxy ,
Our daughter and her husband have two young children . Over the years we have been very close to our grandsons . We recently found out that our daughter has started a relationship with my son from a first marriage . Forty years ago, I gave up this son for adoption when he was 4 years old . This son contacted me when he was 28 . I told him I felt he should have contacted me earlier and that I did not want to start a relationship at that time . I never heard from him again . He is now 44 years old .
We phoned our daughter as soon as we heard about this new relationship and told her we weren't to crazy about it . She became angry . They are adults and can have whatever relationship they want . We didn't forbid it . But they phoned us later and left a message on our answering machine saying we are "dead" to them and will "never see our grandsons again." We could hear the kids crying in the background .
My daughter will not speak to us at all . It has broken our hearts . How do we get our grandsons back into our lives ?
Brokenhearted in Florida
Dear Brokenhearted,
I agree your daughter is being harsh but I am having a hard time sympathizing entirely with you. It would be helpful to know why you waited until your son was four to give him up. I assume you had a good reason, but he must have felt abandoned and frightened.
And why was there a time limit on his being able to contact you?  It must have taken time to trace you and longer to work up the courage to approach you. Your rather cool dismissal of him must have felt much the same as the rejection he felt at four years of age.
I can't say for certain, but it seems he made it his business to become acquainted with your daughter. Perhaps when she learned his version of the events in his life, she felt righteous indignation on his behalf and saw you in a very different light, which lowered you in her estimation. This, conceivably, could be the reason she denied you access to your grandsons; plus the fact that you disapproved of her having a relationship with her own brother.
It's possible you won't be able restore good relations with your daughter until you reconcile with your older son. Or she may, in time, realize she is hurting her own children by denying them their grandparents' love.
There is also another option, if you don't wish to wait for a  change of heart. As grandparents, in the state of Florida, you do have legal rights to see your grandsons and can be awarded court mandated visitation. You would have to see a lawyer who specializes in family law.
Helpful website:-
In cases where the whole family is in such distress, it is always advisable to seek counseling as a family group.

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