Dear Maxy ,
I have a friend who I always thought was gay . I was Ok with that. It's his business , and I really do believe people should be able to do whatever makes them happy . So the other day he came to tell me he was getting married to a woman and she was pregnant . I was so shocked I didn't know what to say . Over the years I have seen him with lots of men, but never once with a woman . I've been married for five years and I know how much commitment marriage is . I wonder if he gets that and also, if he is gay , how is he going to do this ? Given that he is a good friend of mine , I want to talk to him about it , just to see where his head is . Is that going too far on my part ?
Crossing the Line
Dear Crossing the line,
Since you are a good friend and you are sincerely concerned for his future happiness, it is not going too far to talk to him about it. But only if he is willing to discuss it and I think you should make sure of your facts first. You're not sure if he is gay. And if so, has he told his future wife about his sexual orientation ?
FACT: Over 4 million women are currently married to gay men or have been married to gay men in the United States.
FACT: Over 63% of Gay Husbands Will NEVER tell their wives the truth.
Current research shows that most of these couples break up immediately or within the first two years. There is so much to consider in a mixed orientation marriage: children, social considerations, belief systems and personalities, as well as levels of sexual openness between the two of them. They have to decide whether they will be monogamous or have an open marriage. And how much they will tell their families ?
Some men are more attracted to their own gender and attempt to fight their feelings by marrying women, in the belief the relationship will change the way they feel about their own gender.
If your friend is gay, he is making a huge commitment and he would benefit from talking to a councilor or psychotherapist recommended to him by his family doctor.
Dear Maxy ,
I fell down at work , kind of randomly . I was walking down the steps headed to a meeting for work and tripped . I broke my ankle and I am on crutches for a few weeks . I feel horrible , literally because my ankle hurts but also because I never meant to cause any trouble . I had to file a worker's compensation claim , and now my boss is mad at me . How can I let him know that I don't mean to be a burden ? I am at work doing my job after having to take a few days off .
In a Hard Place
Dear in a Hard Place,
Your boss knows that injury on the job is something the company is responsible for covering . Yes, it may be frustrating for him , but it doesn't come as a surprise. These things happen from time to time . Naturally you wish you hadn't fallen . You can express your regret that this accident happened when you talk to your boss, but don't belabor the point . The best way to show your commitment is to do your job well . Even with this temporary disability , let your boss see you are serious about your work and that you do not intend to allow your injury to cripple your work out-put .
Dear Maxy ,
Every year, a co-worker helps his daughter sell Girl Scout cookies and it's hard to say no because the day forces everyone to make a purchase . The cookies are amazing , but I would prefer to purchase them from a place of happiness as apposed to being forced to make a purchase .
How can I make the experience more enjoyable the next time around because I believe in helping the organization ?
Dear Cookie Peddler,
Your co-worker is wrong to put you all in that position. He is presuming upon his office relationships and friendships to strong-arm you into buying the cookies. He also knows you would be reluctant to disappoint a little girl. It's not a competition...it's a charity and the responsibility for selling the cookies should lay with the girl scout. Parents often accompany the girls for safety reasons but it doesn't apply in this situation.
It is understandable that he would want to help his daughter but you will have to speak up about it if his method offends you. Refuse politely and firmly to make the purchase and tell the co-worker you have made a commitment to the girl scouts in your own neighborhood. If the guy really ticks you off, speak to him privately and tell him you would appreciate it if he excluded you in future.