Thursday, January 15, 2015

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My daughter  and her husband  are  using  a surrogate  to have  a baby  . What do I do about  a shower ? 
It is  my daughter's first child  and she and  her husband  are in their late  40s . Should  I make  the shower for them  as a couple  ? Does  she  not  get a shower  because   someone  else  is  actually  pregnant   with the child ?
Dear Grandma-To-Be,
It doesn't matter who who is carrying the child . Any new  mother is entitled  to a baby shower  if someone wants  to host one . Of course  , it is better  if  the shower  is  given by friends  and not immediate  family ,  but  these days  few people  pay attention  to those rules . Couple  showers  have  become  more  popular  since  both Mom and Dad (presumable) are raising  the child . Whether  you do that  or  not is entirely  your  choice .  Congratulations .

Dear Maxy,
I am married  to one of  four  siblings who dutifully  took care  of their  aged  parents  until their  mother  died  a few  years  ago . Daddy , in his  mid-80s  , met a bevy  of women at his upscale  care  facility  and proposed  marriage to one of them  within two weeks  . She  turned  him down  , but  a mutual friend  accepted   and she secretly  married  Daddy  shortly thereafter . 
The woman  has  two  children  , both in professional  jobs , one of  whom is  an attorney .At first we like the stepmother  , laughed  a bit  and everyone got  along  well . But  18 months  later  later  , Daddy died  and we discovered  that he  had  drafted  a document  leaving  his estate  to her worth almost a million dollars  to her  . Now  the stepmother  will not  answer  any of  our  calls  and  hangs  up if  we managed  to  get through . We certainly  feel slighted , but this woman  is our legal stepmother   and we would  , with civility , like to make our case  to her  to use  some  of that money  to help with our  children's tuition . How do we addressed her ?
Dear Bombed ,
Oh my . I'm certain  the readers  will come  up with many names  you  can call her , none  of  which is  printable . Your  80-something  father-in-law  signed  over  his estate  to a woman  he  barely  knew  , they married  in secret   and it  lasted  a short  time . This entire  situation  sounds  fishy .  You need  a lawyer . Now .

Dear Maxy ,
One of  my male friends  has asked me  on numerous occasions  to hook him up  with one  of  my female friends . I told  him I don't  think any of  my  girlfriends  would  like him . Nevertheless, he insists . Mind  you , one of my girlfriends has  already meet  him at a party , and  has  confirmed  her  disinterest. What  more  can I say to him ?
Cannot  Take No  For  An Answer 
Dear Cannot Take  No  For  An   Answer,
Rejection is hard to accept , no matter  who you are . This friend of  yours  probably thinks  that because  you are the go between , that he stands  a greater chance  of  getting  a date through you . You need to squash that .Tell him  that you asked  your girlfriends  if they would  like to go  out with him  and they declined . That is very  specific  and definitive.
Further  , as a  friend , talk to him  about the way  he approaches  women . If you already  have a sense  of why he turns off all your  friends  and you think  you can share that with him , do so . He  may not realize  that he  has offensive  behaviors . The  greatest gift  you may be able  to give  him is a clear  sense of how  he is perceived .

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