My sister-in-law always makes comments about what I am eating . I keep myself trim and am careful about what I eat , but I don't deny myself . Last week , we went to lunch at a favorite place and I ordered a cheeseburger and fries . It is a lovely restaurant and the serving is large . I always take half of my meal home, as it is too much for me to eat at one time . My sister-in-law said , "If they put something like that in front of me, I would get sick to my stomach immediately ."
I have put up with her comments for many years , but that one upset me , especially since she said it while we were eating . Afterward , I wrote her a note stating that I am a widow and those lunches are my biggest meals of the day , she has a husband and , of course , fixes their largest meal in the evening . She no longer speaks to me . Was I wrong , or was she ?
I think you both are too sensitive about inconsequential matters . Perhaps your sister-in-law is jealous that you can eat whatever you like and she cannot do the same . Perhaps there are other things about her that annoy you , and this was simply the last straw ... or vice versa.
I think a good relationship with a sister-in-law should be preserved . Please apologize to her and say you are sorry things became so bitter and you'd like another chance . Then invite her to go someplace with you ... but perhaps not to a restaurant .
For the past 20 years , my husband and I have gotten together with several other couples for one weekend a year to relax , play golf and share stories about our grandkids . We rent a vacation house and the few of us who live close to one another plan a fun game for the group to play on one of the evenings . We recently held our retreat . On game night , we planned a gourmet dinner with cocktails , followed by the meal , followed by games . One member of our group noticed a couple from a house next door sitting on their porch , so he invited them to join us for drinks . As we was introducing ourselves , this same friend invited the couple to stay for dinner . After dessert , when we was ready to play games , this friend and his wife left us to go next door to have a drink . We waited more than an hour for them to return . Do you think this is appropriate ?
Dear Old School ,
No . If your friends knew that other activities had been planned for that evening , they should have postponed the trip to the neighbors' place for when they had unscheduled time . This weekend had been reserved for your group . However , it also indicates that this particular friend was not was not terribly interested in the group game (or even the group company) and wanted to go elsewhere . After 20 years , it is not a negative reflection on anyone that things might need a new coat of paint .
It's a new year , and I know it's probably sounds corny , but I really want to be a better person this year . I feel like I usually spend all of my time focused on my work . For the past few years , have hardly made a second to see or talk to friends . I have been trying to make sure that I was doing everything right for for my career . It has paid off , as I I have risen in my company . But I am lonely . I want to have meaningful friendships . I do have friends , but I have neglected them for so long that I'm not sure how to get close close to them again . What do you recommend ?
Chances are , the people you think are your true friends probably miss you as much as you miss them . Since it has not been your practice to make time for them , before you pick up the phone , take a look at your calendar . Pick one day a week that you can dedicate to personal matters and mark it . Then reach out to the people who matter in your life . Send emails or call . Do your best to schedule "dates" with them so that you can reintroduce your friendship as a priority . You may also want to add a fun activity so that you are not relying on other people to expand your repertoire of ways to expand your experiences .