Friday, January 09, 2015

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
My sister-in-law  always  makes  comments  about  what I am eating . I keep myself  trim and am  careful  about  what I eat , but  I don't deny myself . Last week , we went  to lunch at a favorite place  and  I ordered  a cheeseburger  and fries . It is  a lovely restaurant   and  the  serving  is large . I always  take  half  of  my meal  home, as it is  too much  for  me  to eat at one  time . My sister-in-law  said , "If  they put   something  like  that in front of  me, I would  get sick  to my stomach immediately ."
I have put  up with her comments  for  many years , but  that one upset me , especially  since  she said it while  we were eating  . Afterward , I wrote  her a note  stating  that I am a widow  and  those  lunches  are  my biggest  meals  of the day , she  has  a husband  and , of  course , fixes  their  largest meal in the evening . She  no longer  speaks  to me . Was  I wrong , or was she ? 
Dear Sister-in-Law,
I  think you both are too sensitive  about  inconsequential matters . Perhaps  your  sister-in-law  is  jealous  that you can eat whatever  you like  and she cannot  do the same . Perhaps  there  are other things  about her that annoy  you , and this was simply the last straw  ... or  vice  versa. 
I  think  a good relationship  with a sister-in-law  should  be  preserved . Please apologize to her  and say you are sorry  things  became  so bitter  and  you'd like  another  chance . Then invite  her  to  go someplace  with you ... but perhaps  not  to a restaurant .

Dear Maxy,
For the past  20 years , my husband  and I  have  gotten together  with several other  couples  for one weekend a year  to relax , play golf  and share stories  about  our  grandkids . We rent  a vacation  house  and the  few of  us  who live  close  to one another plan a fun game  for the group  to play on one of the  evenings . We recently  held  our  retreat . On game  night , we planned  a  gourmet  dinner  with cocktails , followed  by the  meal ,  followed  by games  . One  member of  our group  noticed  a couple  from a house  next door   sitting  on their  porch , so he invited  them to  join us  for  drinks  . As we was introducing  ourselves , this same friend invited  the  couple  to stay for  dinner . After  dessert , when we was ready to play  games , this friend  and  his wife  left us  to go next door  to have  a drink . We waited  more than  an hour  for them to return . Do you think this  is  appropriate  ?
Old  School 
Dear Old  School ,
No . If  your  friends  knew  that other  activities  had  been planned  for that evening , they should  have postponed  the trip to the  neighbors' place  for  when they had  unscheduled  time . This weekend  had  been reserved  for  your  group . However ,  it also  indicates  that this  particular  friend  was not was not  terribly interested  in the  group  game (or even  the group company) and wanted  to go elsewhere  . After  20 years , it is  not  a negative  reflection  on anyone  that things  might  need  a  new  coat of  paint .

Dear  Maxy,
It's  a new year , and I know it's probably  sounds  corny , but  I really want to be  a better person  this  year . I feel like  I usually  spend all  of  my time  focused  on my  work . For the  past few  years ,  have hardly made a second  to see or  talk to friends . I have been trying to make sure  that I was  doing  everything  right  for for  my career . It has  paid  off , as I  I  have risen in my  company . But  I am lonely . I want  to have  meaningful  friendships .  I do have  friends , but  I have  neglected  them for  so long that I'm not  sure  how  to get close close  to them again .  What do you  recommend ?
Dear Friendless,
Chances  are , the  people  you think are  your  true friends  probably  miss  you as  much as  you miss them . Since it  has  not  been  your  practice to make  time  for them , before  you  pick up the  phone , take  a look at  your  calendar . Pick one day a week that you  can dedicate  to personal matters  and  mark it . Then reach out  to the  people  who matter in  your  life . Send  emails  or  call .  Do  your  best  to schedule "dates"  with them  so that you can reintroduce  your  friendship   as  a priority . You may also want to add a fun activity  so that  you are  not  relying on  other  people  to expand  your  repertoire  of  ways   to  expand   your  experiences .

1 comment:

  1. Hey PIC ,
    Go to wag left you another note
    Love PIC


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