Friday, September 27, 2013

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My wife invited her 56-year-old-sister  to stay at our house  for a couple of days  and we gave her total access to the house . I needed to check my emails  and I went to the reading room where  the family computer  is located  . When I opened the door, I was shocked to see what was on the computer . My sister-in-law was watching  an adult movie . I wanted to yell at her, but my mouth shut beccause of the shock . After I got my composure, I told my sister-in-law  that she cannot use our family  computer  without supervision . I do not have the time  to supervise  an adult  while she  surfs the Internet . I like my sister-in-law  and I want her  to continue  to feel comfortable in our home . How can I prevent anyone  from visiting  inapropriate  adult content  on my family's computer ? My wife and I do not appreciate  porn  and do not ever have it in out home .
Computer blue

Dear Computer Blue ,
You can put parental controls  on your computer  to ensure that no one can access adult content  or any other content  that you deem inappropriate for your  home . Go to  for instructions . if you regularly have houseguests , you may want to tell them to bring their own computer. Or, you can put  a label on the home computer  saying  "Please limit your Internet usage  to X,Y, and Z."
These measures could be extreme though . It could be that your sister-in-law is an anomaly . You may simple need  to deal with her directly  and make it clear  to her that she crossed the line  and you do not appreciate it . Chances  are she is embarrassed  by being caught  watching pornography , so you do not need  to beat her over  the head with he transgression .

Dear Maxy ,
My threee-year-old son is starting pre-school in a few weeks  and he is excited  about going  to school . He can use the bathroom  on his own, but I am wondering  if I should pack a few diapers  in his book bag  to prevent  any potential accidents .
Momma's Boy

Dear Momma's Boy
Contact the preschool  and ask what the policy is . They may suggest that you not send diapers  and talk to your son  about being  a big boy  and remembering  to ask to  go to the bathroom . Or they may suggest  that you pack  diapers  and give them to the teacher  without your son seeing them, so that extras  are on hand  in case  of an accident  but your child  doesn't know that crutch is there . Most important  is for you  to make sure your son is comfortable  as he takes  this big step .

Dear Maxy,
I witnessed a huge argument  between my brother and his wife when we last visited. What was weird is that the next day  they acted like nothing had happened . I am single, in part, because this kind of stuff runs me crazy . How can you love someone  one minute  and hate her guts the next minute . I don't understand it . I want to ask my brother  but I know that their marital issues are none of my business . Do you understand this ?
Single and Perplexed

Dear Singlr and Perplexed.
Married people  argue  just like friends argue . For those  who have been married long enough, it is likely that they have weathered any number of storms  where they did not agree . What happens afterwards  is what truly counts  after an argument . How people address the issue  that brought on the flare, how they talk to each other  in the heat of the moment  and how they mend fences  are the key . You argue without being mean which is ideal . It is possible to apologize  and make up . Further, you can love someone forever  but not like the person from time to time . As you look for a healthy  bond, pay attention  to how you disagree  and come back to a loving place . If you cannot do that, you will not be successful in the long term .

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