Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
Since my husband discovered that his parents are first cousins, he's been having an emotional crisis . I was the one that uncovered the secret when I was doing research for a genealogy study to be presented as a gift .
I have given my in-laws many opportunities to absolve themselves of their deception , but I must have been too subtle to make myself clear . I don't expect an answer from you because I've tried to contact numerous others concerning this subject, and it appears to be taboo .
Need Help
Dear Need Help ,
Your in-laws may have done nothing that requires "absolving." Marriage beween first cousins is legal in 20 states and is permitted in 6 others depending on the circumstances . In biblical times, marriage between first cousins was commonplace.
Instead of sweeping this under the rug and watching your husband freak out, please talk to your in-laws directly . Say you found this information while researching the family tree . Let them discuss it frankly so their son can learn to accept what's already happened and put it behind him . There's no reason for this to become a major crisis . If you are planning to have children, you might consider genetic counseling now that you have a complete family history .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
My adult son has a large dark, textured birthmark on his right cheek . We believe it has caused him to lose out on job opportunities . He has been trying without success to get a job for four years . He is a hard worker, punctual and trustworthy .
He has pounded the pavement looking for work and gone online and applied for more than 200 jobs .
A friend of my son's said privately that he would hire him but looking at "that thing" on his face makes him sick . My question to you is ; Are there plastic surgeons out there who would help my son by removing this birthmark at a very low cost ? He has no income and we are not in a position right now to help him financially .
Grateful Mom
Dear Grateful Mom,
Your son may qualify for medicaid, in which case a plastic surgeon may be able to remove the skin growth at no cost if it's potentially malignant.
Check at medicaid.gov to see whether your son is covered in his state . He also should check his local hospitals and medical schools . Some surgeons and hospitals have been know to generously donate their skills and facilities for low-income patients.
In the meantime , I suggest he visit his local pharmacy or department store and ask about cosmetics that will cover the birthmark . Or he could try two products we have recommended in the past ; Dermablend (dermablend.com) and Covermark (covermark.com) .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
What do you do when you're in a relationship but you want to start dating again? I met this man on Facedbook , and I would like to take him out for his birthday.
He is handsome and he is someone whom I can see myself having a relationship .
We started to coorrespond via email for a few weeks until we exchange phone numbers . Talking on the phone is just easier . My male friend liked the idea of going out for his birthday .
During one of out numerous conversations . I told my male friend I was married and that my husband and I have been separated for 15 years . To my surprise , he was taken aback by the statement . He told me he didn't want a woman who is married . I really like this guy and I want to see what develops from our friendship . What is a woman to do ?
Till Death Do Us Part
Dear Till Death Do Us Part,
I think it is a good thing that a man does not want to date a woman who is married . That you are separated is different from married and you admit that you are not planning to get divorced anytime soon .
Why is that ? Are you benefiting in some way from being married to your husband even though you have not been together for years ?
You are living in that space of having your cake and eating it too . You are lonely and want companionship , but you are not legally available to receive it . You may want to thank this suiter for making your dilemma so obvious . Do yourself a favor . Take care of first things first . Clear the way to have a healthy new relationshil .
Maxy