Ask Maxy

 

Dear Maxy ,
I am married to a wonderful guy who has a daughter by his ex-girlfriend . I have not met my stepdaughter . Her mother has full custody and won't allow my husband access.
I am older than my husband by three years . I want to have a child . Before we married, my husband and I talked about having kids . We talked about it last December and we agreed that it was time to start a family .
Here's the problem : He has now decided he's not ready . I work in the maternity ward of a local hosiptal, and I see complications older women can have with pregnancy and delivery . I am getting close to that age . I want to have a healthy pregnancy and child, but the longer we wait the harder it will be . My feeling is that one is never "really" for kids, but you make the sacrifices to have something so amazing in your life .
I have asked my husband why the sudden change in attitude , his only response is "I don't know." I'm getting tired of that but when I say so, he replies,"I feel ya ." I don't want to force him to have a baby but I want a family and am getting tired of his excuses . I love my husband but this is driving me crazy . How can I find out what is really bothering him and get him on the same page again ?
Marcia
Dear Marcia,
Whether or not to have children is one of those non-negotiable issues that can break up a marriage . Your husband is being evasive and seems uninterested in the idea of children . I wonder why he hasn't fought harder to be a part of his daughter's life . If having a child is crucial to you, your husband needs to know that you are willing to leave the marriage in order to find a more cooperative partner . Frankly , I'm not sure he will make an effort to stop you .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I have worked in the restaurant industry all of my life . Our place is near a clinic . It is one thing to leave gum under tables , but I'm amazed at the number of people who leave their used bandages , cotton and surgical tape . They just put it on their plate and expect us to dispose of it . YUCK.
I understand that these people are coming to eat after having procedures done and I am grateful for their business . But would it be to much to ask that they dispose of these medical bandages in the bathroom garbage ? It's pretty disgusting to have these things on the table .
A Waitress
Dear Waitress ,
We agree . Since you get a lot of clinic customers you can ask the management about posting a sign asking people to dispose of post-procedure bandages in a specially designated "hazardous waste" container in the bathroom . But some people will leave them on the table regardless . It might be wise to talk to management about having a box of disposable gloves that can be worn when clearing the tables .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
A superior sent me a rude email this week . Her request was reasonable but the way she phrased the email was unnecessarily rude and harsh . I'm not sure if I should bring it up with other superiors or if it would put them in an uncomfortable position . What should I do ?
Offended
Dear Offended
If you can drum up the courage, speak directly to the woman who wrote the email . Request a meeting . Acknowledge the tasks that she requested . If you have completed them state that fact . Otherwise, tell her when you expect to be finished . Then add that the note was a bit disconcerting for you because it was so harshly delivered . State that you want to do a good job and fulfill her expectations and that it will be easier to do if she was not so harsh .
Your superior may not respond favorably to your request but I think it would be best to go to her first before reporting her to others . If you do not feel that you have been heard or acknowledged after talking with her, go to Human Resources for support .
Maxy