Thursday, November 01, 2012

Dear Maxy,
In the 20 years I've been with my partner, I've had suspicions that he's cheated . Whenever I confront him, he becomes angry and tries to turn it around on me . I finally decided I had to know, so I bought digital voice recorders and left them on in the house whenever I leave for work . Lo and behold, my suspicions were correct .
My problem now is how to confront him with the proof . I'm not proud that I've been spying on him for weeks . But he would never own up to his cheating unless it was indisputable .
He keeps telling me we need to work on us. How is that possible when he makes a phone call to his "girlfriend" every morning after I go to work ?
Had To Know

Dear Had to Know,
Your partner's behavior made you suspicious , so you took the step of finding proof . And you found it . Stop berating yourself for doing a private detective's work . Your partner is cheating . He will continue to make excuses and try to put the blame on you . Tell him what you discoverd, show him the proof, and tell him it's over with her or you are leaving . And mean it .

Dear Maxy ,
I was with my ex-husband for 18-years before I divorced him . We have three children, and he hasn't been the best father or husband . lately , however, he has been nice and comes around to visit the kids . I appreciate the fact that he is doing this, but he is now saying things to me that makes me uncomfortable
He slept on my couch a couple of nights because he stayed late with the kids when I was out . But now he is coming every day and staying over every night . We often end up sleeping together .
I told him to stop coming around with the expectation that we are getting back together, because we are not . But he refuses to listen, and now he he has asked me to marry him again . He won't take "no" for an answer . What should I do ?
Too Nice

Dear Too Nice ,
Stop sleeping with him . By allowing him to spend the night in your bed, you are encouraging him to believe there is hope . If you are serious about keeping him as an ex-husband, you must put an end to the couch sleepovers . When you return home, insist that he leave the premises . If you don't have the backbone for that, drop the kids at his place instead of letting him come to yours . Or hire a babysitter .

Dear Maxy ,
How do you stop handle someone who constantly interrupts ? She always knows more about a story and makes me feel inadequate . She's loud, abrasive and obnoxious . We had a good group of friends, and this person ingratiated herself into our clique. Only one of the other women likes her, but it's enough to keep her around . I'd love to put her in her place, but don't want to cause a rift with my friends .

Dear Annoyed ,
Does she do this wih everyone, or only you ? If it's just you, it could be that you take a long time to get to the point, or you monopolize conversations more than you realize . However, if she does it to everyone, you can say, "I'm sure you have something to add, but I'd appreciate it if you let me finish first ." Many people who interrupt don't realize they are doing it and need to be reminded when they overstep .

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