So, You Think You've got Problems?

So, you have the 'swine flu', you've lost your job and your retirement investments are down the crapper. Is that what you're whining about friend?
Things could be a lot worse. You could be hogtied, duct taped, lying in the back of a grey van with a Ted Bundy clone at the wheel. You could be hopelessly lost in the desert at midday, with nothing to drink but your own pee. You could be on a burning boat in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by sharks, and no life raft. You could come home and find your spouse in bed with a midget, a goat and a penguin. You might even get sucked up into a tornado, have your clothes blown off and get dropped in the middle of the three legged race at your church picnic. So, you see....Things could be much worse.

You might even be one of the dumb fucks below.

"Clear for landing...no wait! OOPS!"

" I told you not to put your rock collection in the trailer."

"Hey, could one of you guys drop a rope down here?"

"Idiot!"I said," it wouldn't clear."
"not"
"It looks fine from here."


Totally,wrong place,wrong time.

"All aboard!"

The elevator would have been easier.

"It's a foot bridge, not a Ford bridge."

"Mom's muffins were always a little heavy."

Never flirt with a horny elephant.

"Well,we always wanted a bridge across that river."

"Well, I couldn't read the friggin sign from back there."

"I've told you and told you, it's not a two car garage."