A Dfferent Way of Looking at Things

Two guys were discussing current trends and ideas on sex,marriage and values.Stu said,"I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married.Did you?"
Larry replied,"I'm not sure.What was her maiden name?"

A little boy went to his father and asked,"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
His father replied,"Well son, you must have got it from your mother,because I still have mine?"

"Mr Clark,I have reviewed this case very carefully,"the divorce court judge said,"and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair your honor,"the husband said,"and every now and then I'll send her a few bucks myself."

A doctor examined a woman,took her husband aside and said,"I don't like the look of your wife at all."
"Neither do I doc,"said the husband,"but she's a really good cook and she's great with the kids."

Two Reasons Why It's so Hard to Solve a Redneck Murder:
1.All the DNA is the same.
2.There are no dental records.

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks,"Can you tell me how long it would take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?
"The agent replied,"Just a minute."
"Thankyou," the blonde says,and hangs up.

Moe:"My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe:"Really?"
Moe:"Yeah,until I married her I didn't believe in hell."

A woman recovering from surgery was asked by a nurse, how she was feeling.
"Not bad,"she answered,"but I didn't like the four letter word the surgeon used during my operation."
"What did he say?"asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"

An old man asked a powerful wizard to help him break a curse he had been living with for forty years.
"I'll try,"said the wizard,"but I have to know the exact words that were used to place the curse on you."
Without hesitation,the old man answered,"I now pronounce you man and wife."

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed some bathing suits.It had been ten years and twenty pounds since I had worn a bathing suit.I asked my husband's advice
"Should I get a bikini, or an all in one?"
"Better get a bikini,you'll never get it all in one."

He's still in intensive care.