Thursday, May 21, 2015

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My husband is ill and a distant family member from out of state decided to pay us a visit . It was nice to see my husband's cousin because he was able to lift my husband spirits in this time of need . A few months after our guest visited our home , we discovered we had bedbugs . I call the exterminator : He went to the guest room and confirmed how long we had them . I am thinking there is a strong possibility that we got them from our houseguest . (we rarely have houseguests these days and he was the only sleepover guest in a few years.)
It has been a nightmare around here for close to a year trying to get rid of them and I think we have seen the last of them . Now my cousin wants to visit us in the next two months . What can we say or do to prevent this from happening again without offending anybody ? 
Bedbugs do Bite 
Dear  Bedbugs  Do Bite ,
What an awkward  situation ! Bedbugs can indeed hitch a ride in luggage. They can hide in a crevice no thicker than a credit card. They can even arrive in the binding of a book. It is so difficult to eradicate an infestation, you don't want to risk it happening again.
 Bedbugs do not bite everyone. Some people can live with them and never be bothered by them so it is possible your relative is not even aware that he is a carrier. Perhaps you can approach it that sensitive, direct, but assume he does not know.
 Tell him how much you and your husband enjoyed his visit and would like to see him again. But before that happens, he should have his premises checked for his own well-being in case, on his travels, he picked up bedbugs from some hotel, restaurant or luggage compartment on a plane. Tell him you found some in the room he occupied and to be on the safe side, you would like to be assured that he is free of infestation before he visits again. 
Apologize if he seems offended but be firm. After that, the invitations have to be at your discretion.

Dear Maxy ,
My fiancé and I are in a long -distance military relationship . We have discussed eloping to Las Vegas so I can move to be with him . My father is not enthusiastic about it He would like to be there for my wedding , but my fiancé comes from a large family . Eloping would be our way of not excluding anyone . I feel guilty for wanting this to be just the two of us . Should i plan a small wedding for my father's sake or have a reception when we get back ? 
Lets Get Married Today 
Dear Let's  Get Married  Today .
You and  your  fiance  have  to  make a plan  that works best for  you. After all it is your wedding and you and your fiancé come first. If  you wish to elope then that's what you should do. After that, to the  best of  your  ability,  try to accommodate both families .
 Is  there  a way  that  you can arrange a small wedding with just both sets  of  parents present? If not, then when you get back, you can give a reception for  everyone . Explain to  your  father  your  decision  for  eloping  and  ask  him to host the reception  so that he  will be  central  in the  unveiling of the newly married couple . Congratulations!

Dear Maxy ,
I am so afraid for my sons . I have two teenage boys and everyday they go outside I worry because there are just two many black boys being killed . Sometimes the killers are police. Other times they are neighbors , gang members or seemingly random people .
It's so crazy that I don't even know what to tell them anymore . I don't want them to be afraid , nor do I want to be . But I can't bare the news out there . 
Two many boys that look like my sons have been slaughtered meaninglessly and their killers not brought to justice . What can I do ?
Protect My Boys 
Dear Protect  My Boys ,
Teach them the  lessons that have  been resonating  throughout  our  nation . When approached  by  police , do not  run , do not  raise  your  voice , do not  reach into  your  pockets . Speak as  little  as  possible, be polite, calm  and  follow  instructions .
As it  relates  to others ,  do your  best  to avoid bad company .
Do not  put  yourself  in a situation or place that  could  be questionable from a legal perspective or a safety point of view. Do not travel at night, or if you have to, do not go out alone. Pay attention  to  your  surroundings  and leave  immediately if  you  feel uncomfortable or unsafe . Always check in with your parents at regular intervals when you are away.   Walk with confidence but not attitude.
As a parent, you can speak with other parents in  your neighborhood and set up a 'neighborhood watch', where any of the kids in your area can run to a safe house when they feel in danger. All safe houses would display a 'safe symbol' on their door or window. Looking out for each others' kids is one of the best things you can do. 

Dear Maxy ,
I had the idea of surprising my dad with a visit . I live across country and was schedule to be in his town for work . 
He and my mom is divorced , so I don't see him to often , even though I think of us as close . We talk every week like clockwork .
So I showed up at his door and rang the bell and wouldn't you know it , a woman answered the door , I was shocked .
He hasn't said a thing about a girlfriend , not that he has to , but this woman looked like she was pretty comfortable in his house .
He wasn't home and I opted not to stay . I left town the next day . Like I said , it was a business trip .
Now it's weird . I am not sure how to address this with my dad .
Having the Conversation 
Dear Having  The  Conversation ,
First of all, you should have left your dad a message at his house, just to let him know you stopped by, so he would know that you are aware of his domestic arrangements.
Be  an adult  and  be  direct . Call your  father . Tell him you came  to visit  him as a surprise, and  you were  the one who ended up surprised . Ask him who the lady is who answered  the door . Ask him if he would be uncomfortable if you visited when you were in town.
While it's  really  not  your  concern if he is dating or has someone staying with him , I'm sure if  you talk to  your  father  respectfully, he will explain ... and  tell you why  he has kept the information to himself .  Go for  it .

1 comment:

  1. Howdy PIC ... Jenny's speech is on Wag
    love PIC


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