My husband is ill and a distant family member from out of state decided to pay us a visit . It was nice to see my husband's cousin because he was able to lift my husband spirits in this time of need . A few months after our guest visited our home , we discovered we had bedbugs . I call the exterminator : He went to the guest room and confirmed how long we had them . I am thinking there is a strong possibility that we got them from our houseguest . (we rarely have houseguests these days and he was the only sleepover guest in a few years.)
It has been a nightmare around here for close to a year trying to get rid of them and I think we have seen the last of them . Now my cousin wants to visit us in the next two months . What can we say or do to prevent this from happening again without offending anybody ?
Bedbugs do Bite
Dear Bedbugs Do Bite ,
What an awkward situation ! Bedbugs can indeed hitch a ride in luggage. They can hide in a crevice no thicker than a credit card. They can even arrive in the binding of a book. It is so difficult to eradicate an infestation, you don't want to risk it happening again.
Bedbugs do not bite everyone. Some people can live with them and never be bothered by them so it is possible your relative is not even aware that he is a carrier. Perhaps you can approach it that way....be sensitive, direct, but assume he does not know.
Tell him how much you and your husband enjoyed his visit and would like to see him again. But before that happens, he should have his premises checked for his own well-being in case, on his travels, he picked up bedbugs from some hotel, restaurant or luggage compartment on a plane. Tell him you found some in the room he occupied and to be on the safe side, you would like to be assured that he is free of infestation before he visits again.
Apologize if he seems offended but be firm. After that, the invitations have to be at your discretion.
Maxy
My fiancé and I are in a long -distance military relationship . We have discussed eloping to Las Vegas so I can move to be with him . My father is not enthusiastic about it He would like to be there for my wedding , but my fiancé comes from a large family . Eloping would be our way of not excluding anyone . I feel guilty for wanting this to be just the two of us . Should i plan a small wedding for my father's sake or have a reception when we get back ?
Lets Get Married Today
Dear Let's Get Married Today .
You and your fiance have to make a plan that works best for you. After all it is your wedding and you and your fiancé come first. If you wish to elope then that's what you should do. After that, to the best of your ability, try to accommodate both families .
Is there a way that you can arrange a small wedding with just both sets of parents present? If not, then when you get back, you can give a reception for everyone . Explain to your father your decision for eloping and ask him to host the reception so that he will be central in the unveiling of the newly married couple . Congratulations!
Maxy
I am so afraid for my sons . I have two teenage boys and everyday they go outside I worry because there are just two many black boys being killed . Sometimes the killers are police. Other times they are neighbors , gang members or seemingly random people .
It's so crazy that I don't even know what to tell them anymore . I don't want them to be afraid , nor do I want to be . But I can't bare the news out there .
Two many boys that look like my sons have been slaughtered meaninglessly and their killers not brought to justice . What can I do ?
Protect My Boys
Dear Protect My Boys ,
Teach them the lessons that have been resonating throughout our nation . When approached by police , do not run , do not raise your voice , do not reach into your pockets . Speak as little as possible, be polite, calm and follow instructions .
As it relates to others , do your best to avoid bad company .
Do not put yourself in a situation or place that could be questionable from a legal perspective or a safety point of view. Do not travel at night, or if you have to, do not go out alone. Pay attention to your surroundings and leave immediately if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe . Always check in with your parents at regular intervals when you are away. Walk with confidence but not attitude.
As a parent, you can speak with other parents in your neighborhood and set up a 'neighborhood watch', where any of the kids in your area can run to a safe house when they feel in danger. All safe houses would display a 'safe symbol' on their door or window. Looking out for each others' kids is one of the best things you can do.
Maxy
I had the idea of surprising my dad with a visit . I live across country and was schedule to be in his town for work .
He and my mom is divorced , so I don't see him to often , even though I think of us as close . We talk every week like clockwork .
So I showed up at his door and rang the bell and wouldn't you know it , a woman answered the door , I was shocked .
He hasn't said a thing about a girlfriend , not that he has to , but this woman looked like she was pretty comfortable in his house .
He wasn't home and I opted not to stay . I left town the next day . Like I said , it was a business trip .
Now it's weird . I am not sure how to address this with my dad .
Having the Conversation
Dear Having The Conversation ,
First of all, you should have left your dad a message at his house, just to let him know you stopped by, so he would know that you are aware of his domestic arrangements.
Be an adult and be direct . Call your father . Tell him you came to visit him as a surprise, and you were the one who ended up surprised . Ask him who the lady is who answered the door . Ask him if he would be uncomfortable if you visited when you were in town.
While it's really not your concern if he is dating or has someone staying with him , I'm sure if you talk to your father respectfully, he will explain ... and tell you why he has kept the information to himself . Go for it .
Maxy
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