Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
In the past year, my mom has lost many of  her childhood  friends .
One lady died  of  cancer  and then her husband  died  a few  months  later . He had  been sick for  years . A woman  from my mom's  church had a heart attack . Then one of her  high school friends had a  car accident . The list goes on . I know  we should  expect  to hear of  deaths, given their  ages  ... my mom is  86, for heaven's sake  ... but it  doesn't make it  any easier  to know that they  are old . How  can I cheer  up  my mom ? She is healthy  and I'm worried  she  will get depressed .
Mom Booster
Dear Booster Mom ,
One tremendous  difficulty in growing  old  is seeing  your  loved ones  pass . Though  inevitable, it is  still hard  to experience . To help your  mother, keep her  active . If  you have children, make sure  she spends  lots of time  with them . Get her involved  in a senior  center  that includes  exercise  and activity . Help her  design  her days so that  she is  busy with  fun experiences. And make sure you spend more time with her to fill the lonely hours. You only get one mom and you won't have her forever.
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I've  been in an abusive  marriage  for nearly 15 years  and I can't take another  day  My husband  has  never  hit me . It's all mental  and emotional abuse . He  calls  me  horrible  names in front  of  our  children . He  has constant  tantrums  where  he screams, throws  things  and threatens me , saying if  I leave, he'll kill me, destroy my life and take our  children  away . I have no access to money  and he has driven all my  friends away .
I have nowhere to go . There are no shelters  in my rural area  and I'm scared of what he  may do  when I leave . However, I'm determined . I've written  him a long  letter  explaining  why and promising  that I don't  want any money  from him  so he doesn't have to worry  about that . And I plan to give this letter to him  . I don't want to be sneaky  and leave the letter  and walk out the door . But I am  afraid .  I don't  have anyone to discuss these things with . My mother said  she doesn't want to hear it  and it is my problem .  Please  help .
Too Scared to Leave
Dear  Too Scared ,
Please  do not do anything  rash . Before you leave, you need to have  your  next step planned  and ready,  whether  it is  finding  a shelter, staying  with friends  or  relatives, or  leaving town . It would be unwise  to hand  your  abusive husband  a letter  and walk out the  door . I know  you want  to do the  honorable thing, but  your safety and that of your children is more important  right now .
I urge you  to call the National  Domestc Violence  Hotline  ( thehotline.org )  at 1-800-799-SAFE . Someone there  will  guide  you through the  process. Please take care,
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My husband and I are retired  and live in upstate  New York  with our  son  and his  family . Our  son broke  his back and neck in an accident . He has  recovered , but now is addicted  to pain medication .
He has  no insurance . Is there any way  to get him  the help he  needs  to be a functioning adult  again ? He would give anything  to be better, but  can't afford treatment .
Desperately Concerned  Mom
Dear Mom ,
This must be a terribly difficult situation  for everyone, but the fact  that your your  son wants  to get better is encouraging . Please  look into state-funded  drug  and alcohol rehab centers  through the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services  Administration at (  findtreatment.samhsa.gov ) or  call their  treatment  referral line  at 1-800-662-HELP . I'll be thinking of  you .
Maxy