Dear Maxy,

Throughout my life, whenever I've been in a mixed group of men and women , the men frequently talk over the women or interrupt them before they are finished . Now that we are over 60 , the problem is worse , as many of our male friends are hard of hearing . Do you have any suggestions about how to get a word in edgewise ?

Ella

DearElla ,

I hate to say it , but some men are simplly dismissive of women's conversation.
If you are close friends , you should mention it asking them to be more considerate and reminding them when they forget . Otherwise , there's not much you can do other than talk over them, ignore them or direct your conversation to a more amenable listener .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I am a recent widower after being married for 57 years . I have met a wonderful warm , affectionate widow whom I have fallen in love with . However , she thinks I am just lonely for a stand-in for my wife . I cannot seem to convince her that we have entered a new chapter in our lives , and that memories should not stand in the way of our future happiness . Any thoughts ?
Sal

Dear Sal ,
You may be rushing it a bit . If you are a "recent widower," your female friend may be right that you are lonely and confusing love with companionship . Stop trying to convince her . Instead , please allow this relationship to develop more slowly , and let her see for herself how genuine it is .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I am the boss of a small company that employs five people . Since it is such a small business , each person's role is vital to make the company run efficiently . While one would think that this environment would motivate my staff to work hard , I think that our close relationships have caused them to become lazy .
I was walking through the office , and I noticed that a majority of the employees were on Facebook , Twitter or online shopping sites . A lot of the tasks I have assigned are handed in late or not up to the standard I expect .
This not how I expect my employees to spend their time , but I don't know how to tell them this .
I am afraid that they are taking advantage of me , and they think they can get away with anything . How do I tell them this is not the case ?
Cool Boss

Dear Cool Boss ,
You have to re-establish your authority in yourcompany and motivate your staff to work hard . Call a staff meeting and talk about the state of your business . Do your best to paint a picture of good news , whatever is working in the company . If you can highlight projects that staff members have completed successfully , do so .
If possible , select something about each person so that they all shine .Then , point out that you have noticed something about their behavior, that they are accessing social media and shopping online when they should be doing their jobs .
Productivity is essential for a healthy workplace . Let them know that you need them to focus on their responibilities while they are at work .
If necessary , bring in a tech person who can block acess to social media sites . Before taking that measure , ask for their compliance , and keep watching closely how they respond .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I would like to ask some questions of married women . What makes you think that your family is more impoertant than your husband's ? Why do you want him to ignore his family and "cleave" unto yours ? How did you convince him that his mother isn't hurt by this ?

My son has been married for 30 years , and in all that time , he's ignored me and spent time with his in-laws . I hold my tongue because it would make thing worse if I did not . Everyone thinks my son and his family are the greatest . She and her family is shrewd , and my son is spineless and blind . Worse , the grandchildren think I do not deserve to be treated any better .

My son has siblings , nieces , nephews , aunts , uncle and cousins who are all ignored . Of course they know where we are when they want a gift . But there is never a thank you note or even so much as a photo of the children .

Venting

Dear Venting ,

The best way to make sure you stay close to your children is to ingratiate yourself with their spounces . I am so sorry you've had such a bitter experience , and I hope your words will mean something to our married readers .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

My guy friend recently confessed his love for me , I thought he was gay our entire friendship , so naturally this came as a huge shock . I don't feel the same way and don't think I ever will . I responded very awkwardly to his confession .

Is there any nice way to say "sorry" and I don't love you back ?

Weirded Out

Dear Weirded Out ,

Isn't it interesting the way our beliefs can color the way we interact with others ? You felt safe being close friends with this man because you never thought of him as being a potential suitor . Now the tables have turned .

You owe it to your friend to be honest. Tell him how much you value your friendship . Acknowledge that he expressed his love for you . It's very important for you to let him know that you heard him and received  what he had to say . Tell him that you like or love him , too , but not in that way . Explain that you have always considered him as a dear friend but your affection for him has been and is now platonic .

I also would tell him that you had assumed he was gay . If you have any specific reasons for thinking that , you may need to be ready to tell him that , if needed .

Ultimately , you need to get your sentiment across ... that you appreciate his friendship tremendously and that you are not interested in being his girlfriend .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

My friends are really unsupportive of my relationship with my girlfriend . We've been dating for more than a year , and they still get mad at me if I hang out with her instead of them or sometimes even if I hang out with her after them . It's completely irrational , and it's like I have a bunch of girlfriends now , all demanding my time . They also aren't very nice to her if we hang out in a group . How can I fixed this ?

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated ,

Sit your friends down and talk to them . Tell them that you care deeply for them AND your girlfriend . Lay it out for them that they have been behaving in a childish and unnecessary way . You do not want to have choose between your friends and girlfriend . You would appreciate them giving her the basic respect they would desire for their partners .

Ask them directly why they have been acting so unkindly . If they have a beef with your girlfriend , urge them to tell you exactly what it is . Of course , when you are dating , you divide your time . But id they continue to be rude , you may have to choose to step away from them .

Maxy