Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I've  been seeing  a guy  for little over  a year  and he's  joined the  Air Force . He will be starting  basic  training in the  months  to  come . I've tried  to do  some  research  on what military  life is  like  so I can know  what to expect  when the time comes . I am so nervous . I really like  him  and believe we have something, but I am afraid .
With all the wars  going on, I don't want him to get killed . I don't  really  know  how  to be supportive  of him  when I would rather  he not  go . How can I be  a good  girlfriend ?
Baby Don't  Go
Dear Baby Don't Go,
Your boyfriend has made a commitment to the Air Force and taken an oath of enlistment. This is something that every service member must adhere to for his/her entire military career; there is no backing out. So, now you have to take a hard look at yourself and figure out how committed you are to him. If you feel the stress and anxiety of being a military girlfriend or wife is too much for you, you should withdraw now. It will be much more painful later, for both of you.
Statistically, the chances of being killed in combat are slim, even for army infantry, which is involved in active combat with the enemy, on the ground. The Air Force has the lowest death rate of any branch of the service.
You can be supportive by writing or emailing every day, sending care packages and keeping that connection strong. Live every moment you have together to the fullest, like there is no tomorrow. Do not dwell on the concept that you might lose one another. Remember, you're going to be the first thing he wants to see when he gets back from boot camp or any kind of deployment. Be there with arms opened wide. If you feel you are ready to invest emotionally in this man, with a view to marriage, there are a lot of things you can do to help yourself adapt to military life:
*Visit your base's Airman and Family Readiness Center. They will have information about local events, support groups and other help available to you.
*Strengthen your personal support network with the people already involved in your life like family, friends, neighbors and co-workers...also your church or synagogue.
*Get involved with your boyfriend's squadron. There will be wives in charge of planning family gatherings. Attend the events, get to know people and get involved in helping out.
*Check online. The Internet is swimming with forums and support groups for Air Force wives. See what you can find. Also try social networking to talk to other women in your situation... like Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Military-Wives-Support-Group/165447216870037
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My friends  lost  a child to sudden infant death syndrome  several years  ago . Every year I remember the anniversary, but I feel weird  saying  anything to them, so I have not . This  year  marks  the  fifth anniversary   and something tells me  that I should acknowledge it in some way . They have other children now, but I know that they miss their  little  girl . Should I send them  a card or call them or  anything ?
Tender Memories
Dear Tender Memories,
You are a good and compassionate friend. There is no time limit on grief. Be it one year,  five or a lifetime, the wound will open a little on every anniversary of the little girl's passing. Family often feels that no one remembers their loved one but themselves, so a note or card from you will be greatly appreciated and is most appropriate.
Just speak from the heart and tell them you were thinking of their little one on that day and feeling their sorrow.
You might also explain that you have been a bit nervous about contacting them in previous years for fear of upsetting them. It is a very loving and sweet gesture...go ahead.
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
About  a year ago, my very bright 16-year-old granddaughter  was diagnosed  with schizencephaly, a very rare disease  and she has had seizures . She was put on medications and then was free of  seizures  for  eight months . But recently  she had another seizure  and her medication  is being  reconsidered .
How can I find  out how to  be helpful  and supportive? She  lives 2 hours away  and I no longer drive . Is there  an organization  for this ?
Deeply Concerned Old  Grandma
 Dear Grandma,
Schizencephaly  is a birth defect  that is extremely rare  and can cause  delays  in speech  and language  skills , some paralysis  and seizures .
Doctors  believe  the  causes  include  exposure  to toxins  or medications  during  pregnancy . I found one support  group  at  ( schizkidzbuddies.com ) and  you can also get  information  through ( wearerare.org/support/support ) for those with rare  diseases. Don't forget to call her frequently and let her know you love her and are thinking of her. Love is good medicine for whatever ails you.
Maxy