ONE LINERS

Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it??

If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

Ham and eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.

Lord if I can't be skinny, please make all my friends fat.

Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.

It's hard to make a comeback if you haven't been anywhere.

If at first you don't succed, redefine success.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat??

Always remember, you are unique, just like everyone else.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too??

A seminar on 'Time Travel' will be held two weeks ago.

Is reading on the john considered multi tasking??

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid??

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

Borrow money from pessimists...They don't expect you to pay it back.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried.

Laughing stock...Cattle with a sense of humor??

For Sale:- Parachute - Only used once - never opened - slight stain.

Clairvoyants' meeting cancelled...due to unforeseen events.

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected??

If you try to fail and you succeed, which have you done??

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

Hypochrondia is the only disease I haven't got.

I couldn't care less about apathy.

I've tried to daydream, but my mind keeps wandering.

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice??

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is definitely not for you.

If you have no sense of humor, then you are reading the wrong post....HA!