"Octo-mom Say's It Was A Mistake "

Crying spells, loneliness--and staggering $30,000 in monthly expenses, Octo-mom Nadya Suleman gives a harrowing look at life as a single mom of 14 kids. Seconds thoughts , a mere 11 days after giving birth , Suleman --who was implanted with 6 embryos {two split]--appeared on the NBC's "Today". Sporting a flawless French manicure,she seem oblivious to the nationwide firestorm of criticism she had sparked. But Suleman now wonders if she's providing enough individual care to each of her 14 kids. She also admits to bouts of loneliness and guilt. Knowing what I know now , I would've done something different. Maybe I'd implant two or three embryos, not six. I have that tendency to live in the past. Coulda. woulda, shoulda. I think it was a mistake --in terms of the well-being of the octuplets and my other kids, I can't give myself to them 100% percent. I wish I could ! But I am one body and can't physically be there as much as they need. If I'd known that , I never would have fathomed having 8 more. The ultimate challenge is felling drawn to the babies, that felling that I need to be with them as much as possible--yet I'm being pulled away. Implanting [embryos] is like Russian roulette, you have no idea what you'll get: all of them may take or none of them , I had all these reproductive problems , and I'd had a miscarriage with my former husband [produce manager Marcos Gutierrez] Who would've imagined all six would take.If I could go back, I wouldn't have destroyed the embryos, but I would have tranferred fewer. Maye two or three.

All of a sudden I woke up in the hosiptal, and our lives are discombobulated , and I'm in a fish bowl and can't get out, it was just an absolute nightmare. I wanted to hide and be with my kids. But I was practically forsed into this "Today" interview, I felt I was being attacked nonstop, and I wanted to show them I wasn;t this person, I'm a human. I wish I hadn't done it that soon, I slept maybe two hours in the last 30 hours, I was on Vicodin for pain, I could hardly walk, I didn't know what I was saying , I was blind sided. Everyone keeps asking me who's Octo-dad! I met him 15 years ago. We became friendly acquaintances , though we did go on one date,on my 19th birthday, about the time I realize it wasn't working out with my husband is when I knew he would be a good donor. I secured him to be my donor before he was in any relationship, it was a friendly arrangement. I was not intimate with him, and I did not pay him. He gave me six separate sperm donations, and he even went with me to the doctors. I haven't physically seen him in a year and a half. The last time I talked to him was a week or two before I gave birth [to the octuplets] he was so shocked , he didn't know I had used the embyros and got pregnant. Still I held on to the hope he'd be in their lives. We used to get together once a year and he'd see pictures of the kids. then this happened and --oh boy, we're not talking at all. What happen was awful, I can't talk about that. Everything will come out in my book--everything but his name. The money issue--Nadya Suleman was asked exactly how , with $30,000 in monthly expenses and no job,does she get by. Octo-mom [who paid for for her IVF treatments with disability checks stemming from a 1999 work injury] capitalizes on her infamy by selling photos, videos and interwiews. In addition she's writing a memoir [at night when the kids are asleep] and inked a reality-TV deal that will earn her kids $250,000 over the next three years. [filming starts September 1st] a court-appointed independent guardian will supervise her kids earning to ensure the money is set aside for them, and not Nadya Suleman. Nadya admits there is sibling rivalry: they all wants to be like other children, her day is very hectic...at her "US" shoot ,it took her two hours to make a simple salad for lunch, due to constant disruptions, she also says there is no one way to discipline them.Nadya's daily routine starts before dawn and end past midnight,as for R&R? Forget it.

My take on this: It didn't turn out as Octo-mom hoped , at one time the sperm donor would come to se the kids once a year, [nice] then there was eight[8] the poor man took to the hills never to be seen again. [can you blame him] I would like to know just what in hell did he think she was doing with the sperm donations. DUH !! Both are crazies...but it is a same to have 14 babies and not enjoy the fun of making them. But hey, that's just me...Stay tuned: the saga continues.

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