Ask Maxy



Much to our delight, Maxy's Nana (89 years old) will be a guest advisor on 'Ask Maxy' for a few weeks; Providing us with her own unique view on the letters we receive.

Dear Maxy,
Some years ago , my wife and met a lovely couple while on a trip to Germany . We had such a good time together that we made arrangements for the four of us to take other trips . We kept in contact with cards, calls and emails . On the occasions where we travelled to their city, we had lunch with them .

We hadn't heard from them in a while, so I sent a card that came back "Deceased." We don't read the obituaries from their city, so we have no idea whether both of them died or one died and the other moved, or what happened .

The couple had several children who may have known of our friendship, although I never learned the children's names . It surely would be nice if their survivers would browse through the couple's address book and let the contacts know of their passing .
Missing Them

Dear Missing Them ,
This is a situation that comes up whenever someone dies . The survivors do not always think of going through the deceased's address book.... written or electronic ... and sending notes to those who are listed . I hope you find out what happened and have the opportunity to express your condolences.
Maxy
Nana says;
You could make inquiries yourself. Although, it could be costly to find them through a computer location service or a private detective, you may wonder for the rest of your life if you do nothing. I know this from experience. Perhaps you will visit Germany again one day and clear the mystery up in person.

Dear Maxy,
I am a 22-year-old adoptee . My grandparents raised me from 6 months old and officially adopted me when I was 10 . They have three sons, my biological father and his two brothers . This is where the problems lies .

My "uncles" have never accepted that their parents are my parents . They never refer to me as their sister and frequently refer my parents as my grandparents . Most of these things I ignore, but there is one thing I cannot . My parents are in their early 60s and the subject of their death comes up often . Their sons have decided that when our parents die, I have no say in anything .

Maxy , these are the only parents I've ever had, I am legally adopted, so I have a legal right as well as a given right . How do I calmly explain they are my parents too ?
Their Child

Dear Their Child ,
You are not going to make your uncles treat you like a sibling . They see you as their brother's child . And although your parents are not that old , it is never too soon to prepare a will and other necessary legal documents . Your parents' wishes and the distribution of their assets are things they get to decide and they should discuss it with a lawyer . They should also have a family meeting and make sure that ALL of their children are aware of how they want this to be handled .
Maxy
Nana says,
I understand both sides of this equation. With all the broken or extended families there are today, I am sure you are not alone in your unusual situation.
You are the legal child of your parents and their will is a legal and binding document stating their wishes. That will solve everything.
Your uncles find themselves in a strange situation with a sister/ niece. Their feelings may be a bit confused but remember they are older and were there first, so be patient. I am 89 and I am still here so you may all have a long wait.

Dear Maxy ,
I recently attended a cocktail party at the home of a former colleague from our deaf program . The speaker was a campaign worker for one of the Presidential candidates . The party hostess made arrangements in advance for a sign language interpreter .

When the speaker was done with his presentationn , I waited for my turn to talk to him . As I got clearance and began signing, I was interrupted by three hearing female guests who showed no respect for a deaf guest while the conversation took place . Their rudeness took me by surprise .

If I were to attend another such event and get the same treatment , what should I do ?
Deaf Professor

Dear Deaf Professor ,
This type of situation can occur whether a guest is deaf or not . People interrupt , block you from the conversation and behave rudely . An alert host would have interceded, and the speaker should have made every effort to be more inclusive . He allowed these women to hijack the conversation . You also could have enlisted the assistance of the interpreter . If you feel you were treated poorly because of your deafness , please discuss this in advance with your host at the next such event .
Maxy
Nana says,
I agree with Maxy on this one Professor. You could have signed to the interpreter that you were just a little offended by their bad manners and she would have relayed the message to the chatty females. You have no choice but to adapt to the hearing world. They, on the other hand have never been taught to adapt to your silent world.