Mark Twain has been quoted as saying:"It is interesting to note that criminals have multiplied of late,and lawyers have also;but I repeat myself."
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Q:What do you throw a drowning lawyer?
A:His partner.
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If a lawyer and an IRS agent were drowning,and you could only save one of them,would you go to lunch,or read the paper?
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Q:How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
A:"Tell them to say feeees!!"
DO I HEAR A RIM SHOT?PA-DUM-PUM!!
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A minister and a lawyer arrived at the pearly gates.St Peter greeted them both and gave them their room assignments.
"Pastor,here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency suites.And for you,sir,the keys to our finest penthouse suite."
"That's hardly fair,"said the minister.
"Listen,"St Peter said,"Ministers are a dime a dozen up here,but this is the first lawyer we've ever seen."
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A man phones a lawyer and asks,"How much would you charge for answering three simple questions?"
The lawyer replies,"A thousand dollars."
"A thousand dollars!"exclaims the man."Don't you think that's kind of expensive?"
"Hmmm,well,I guess it is,"replied the lawyer.
"What's your third question?"
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One day,a teacher,a garbage collector and a lawyer entered the pearly gates together.
St Peter seemed very stressed.Apparently heaven was over crowded and he had to cut back on the number of applicants he allowed to enter.
He informed them,there was a test.They had to answer one question.
He asked the teacher,"What was the name of the ship that struck an iceburg and sank?"
The teacher was quick,"The Titanic,right?"
"That's correct.You may enter."
St Peter turned to the garbage man,and decided to ask a more difficult question,so he could turn him away from the gates.
"How many people died on that ship?"he asked.
"I believe it was 1,228,"said the garbage man.
St Peter was surprised."Correct,you may enter,"he said.
He turned to the lawyer and said"What were their names?"
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HA!!!!
Gil,I kid,I kid.
