Dear Maxy,
I have an etiquette question. My non-profit organization is partnering with another non-profit to present a community workshop . We want to present the guest speaker with a gift . The two options are a $25 American Express card or flowers .
Which is more acceptable or appropriate ? My board members think the gift card is impersonal .
Do The Right Thing

Dear Do The Right Thing,
I would think a hybris of your ideas . How about the gift card with a single rose , so that when you present it , folks in the audience see something and the speaker gets something he or she can actually use ?
Be sure to include a note of gratitude with the card that is signed by the key members of your group .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I'm a 26-year-old gay male . I started seeing a guy when I was 19, and we dated for 5 years . This June , I found out I had contracted HIV from him and it totally devastated me .
I had resigned myself to remaining single and "bearing the burden alone."
I have told only one of my family members and am TERRIFIED to tell the rest . To make things worse , I've met an amazing guy who , despite my best efforts, I've fallen in love with .
How can I tell him about this ? Help !
Desperately confused

Dear Desperately Confused ,
I'm so sorry you contracted HIV . I understand being wary of telling your family . You don't have to tell them . But you do have an obligation to tell the man you have fallen in love with . Do you run the risk that he'll run away ? Yes , but not necessarily .
I recommend that you get counseling that will support you in dealing with your health condition and navigating your relationship . One source is the Gay Men's Health Crisis (www.gmhc.org) .
You also should know that many couples have weathered this storm . As an example , I have a friend who has been HIV-positive for many years . He didn't talk about it at first, but he didn't hide it , either . He has worked in New York City , and his friends have long known his status .
He has been in a relationship with someone who is not HIV-positive for many years . The great news is that this year his partner asked him to get married . Because of the laws here in this state, they were able to do just that .
You can have a full life . Take care of your health first . Get support, and tell the man you hope to make your partner .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My friend's niece just got arrested for shoplifting . He is so upset about it , and I don't know how to help him .
She has been misbehaving for a long time . She is 15 years old and is always doing crazy things, like staying out all night , smoking drugs and not going to school . She was always kind of bad , but after her grandmother died, she got a lot worse .
What can I do to help him ? He keeps asking me for advice .
Worried

Dear Worried ,
The best thing this family can do for their troubled teen is to get her mental health support . She should visit a counselor with whom she can talk about her life, the loss of her grandmother and her choices  . She needs to have a safe space to be able to talk about what's happening in her life and learn that it's possible for her to decide her fate .
Some parents also choose to send their children to schools for so-called delinquent teens where they are immersed in learning discipline . Other families have used the military as a tool to help teach their teens right from wrong . Sometimes the structure is helpful for young people who have behaved recklessly over time .
Most important is for your friend's niece to be able to grieve and heal . She needs to know that she is loved, even though her behavior is unacceptable . Your friend also needs to know that the adults in his family probably cannot handle her challenges on their own . They , too , should seek professional help .
Maxy