Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
Recently, one of my so-called best friends  took a vacation with another of our mutual friends  and didn't tell me . I was hanging out with her the day before  she went on her vacation  and all she said was that she would be out of town  for a few days  and would catch up with me when she get back .
Then I notice on her Facebook page  that she was somewhere on the beach with our other friend . That really hurt my feelings . I can't understand  why she wouldn't tell me . I get that friends don't always have to do things together, but why would she keep it a secret  from me ? What can I say to her without sounding like a baby ?
Unfriended

Dear Unfriended ,
The next time you see your friend, be ready  to bring up the subject  of the vacation . Do your best  to be even-tempered and calm . Start off by asking her  how she enjoyed  her vacation . Tell her you saw the pictures on Facebook, and it looked like she had a great time . Add that you were surprised to see that she had gone with your other friend  and hadn't mentioned  it to you . Ask her why she chose not to tell you . Listen carefully  to what she says .Then be sure to tell her that it hurt  your feelings to be excluded  from the information . Let her know that you didn't necessarily expect to be invited  but you think of her as one of your best friends  and find it hurtful  that she would choose not to tell you .
Depending upon her answer, you will gain insight  into how she preceives  your friendship, including, if she considers  you to be as close  to her  as you thought you were . What is important is for you to figure out where you stand .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I recently attended my 10-year high schol reunion . When we started college, Facebook was just gaining traction . At the reunion, I was mingling with my classmates  and catching up . One classmate had posted  that she was going on a month-long trip to Europe . I told her that sounded fun . She responded by saying how awkward it was that I knew her personal business  when we hadn't spoken in ten years . If someone doesn't want others to know about their vacation plans, they shouldn't post them on their Facebook page  for all to see. Was it rude of me  to discuss this ?
Awkward Turtle
 
Dear Turtle ,
No . When people post things  openly on Facebook, they are courting comments  from anyone  who sees their page , whether or not that is the intent .There are ways to limit exposure, but you have to set controls to do so . Privacy is becoming  a luxury of the past . It is ridiculous to publicize your life and then act offended  when people notice . Still, the best method of handling  such unpleasant encounters is to appologize  for intruding  and back away .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My niece is transgender (she's a boy who wants to be a girl) . She needs to take a hormone  blocker  and it costs  a fortune . Insurance won't pay for it, so the whole family is chipping in .
My brother-in-law  doesn't make much money and he's lazy . My parents paid  most of their bills  when they were first married  and now they are giving my niece so much  money that we cannot have our annual vacation . My parents will be giving them more money in a few months .
Meanwhile my niece gets everything she wants . My mother recently brought her a $200 outfit  for her birthday . I suggested she get  something less expensive  because she is already paying a fortune for the hormone blocker . My parents now can't send me to  the university of my choice, so I have to opt for community college . I think my sister  should sell her jewellry to pay  for the drugs  and she and my brother-in-law  should downgrade  to a smaller home  if they need the money . My mother says I'm being selfish .  Am I ?
Missing Out

Dear missing ,
This is your parents money . They can choose to give to your sister (and her child), rather than pay for an expensive university education for you . I realize this isn't fair, but it serves no purpose to build up resentment . You can get a perfectly good education  at a community college  for a fraction of the cost, and if you still want to attend a four-year university, you can look into transferring  in two years  and research  scholarships, grants and loans that may be available  then . Your parents obviously  believe your  sister needs this money  more than you do, which also means  they feel you are responsible  and motivated  and will do OK without their help . Please prove them right .
Maxy