Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I have worked for many years at a small family-owned company . I believe my boss has been the victim of a scam, but I can't tell her .
For several years, my boss has been communicating  with a gentleman  who claims  to be nigerian . He keeps telling her he is supposed to come to America in the near future  and will bring her a check for $40 million . I don't see it happening  . There are three people sending this man money  . By now they have probably given him more than $100,000.
When I am at work , my boss asks whether  the man has sent any emails , and if not , she wants me to write to him . Every frw weeks he says the trip has to be postponed and then he needs more money .
How do I tell her  I don't want to be involved  with this any longer ?
Seeing a Scam
Dear Seeing a Scam,
The "Nigerian" scam has been around a very long time  and I am surprised people still fall for it . This man will never come  to this country  with $40 million , but he's certainly doing  a good job of collecting money from naive people  like your boss . Not only should you stop  contacting  this man , but you should protect your boss  by informing  her that this is a scam  and she should report it to the FBI office  or register a complaint  with the Federal Trade Commission . Of course  , if she chooses  to ignore you  and contact him on her own , there is nothing you can do . Some people have to learn the hard way .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I was overweight throughout most of my childhood and became morbidly obese after high school . When I was in college , I had terrible self-esteem and a horrible body image . I never dated .
Three years ago , I had gastric bybass  and have since lost more than 200 pounds . I've been trying to start  dating  , but the individuals  I have approached are either  seeing someone  or  are not interested . I tried online dating sites , but the men that responded all live far away , some in other countries  and I'm leery  of proceeding . I am not sure about  the bar scene and unaware  of any single groups in my area .
So , I guess I would like some advice on how and where to start relationships .
Out of My Shell
Dear Out of My Shell,
There are better online dating sites  that will match you up with men in your area (or at least in the same state) . Try again . You should also ask  your friends and relatives  to introduce  you to available men they know . Local churches  and synagogues often have  single groups  and you should be able to attend some functions  without having to be a member . Most importantly , project a confident , positive exterior . Smile > Guys like women who are fun to talk to . And while you are searching for a date , participate in activities that interest you . This will have the added benefit  of making  you more interesting  to be around . Good luck .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
Five years ago (after 20 years of marriage), my wife and I separated because she found out  that I had been regularly indulging in phone sex and that I had slept with another woman . In addition , I'd made constant demands of her for sex .
When she asked me  to leave , I was determined  to completely change my life . I sought help  and was clicically diagnosed  as a sex addict . I entered a 12-step program  and had intensive therapy , read  voraciously  and with the help of God , turned my life around . When I briefly lost my job  some years ago , my wife let me move back into our home , but not into our bedroom .
Since then we have slowly rebuilt trust  to the point  where we date, cuddle and even sleep in the same bed . We share our life and regularly see a couples therapist . She tells me she how I've changed and that she admires  the work I've done .
Despite all of this , however , she has repeatedly said that she does not believe she will be willing to have sex  with me again .She refuses to discuss the matter , even in therapy . She sees a therapist on her own , but says  that working on becoming intimate with me is not a priority .
I would like to keep our family together  but I don't know how I can continue  in a relationship  where sex isn't even allowed  to be  discussed .
Can people have a healthy relationship  without sex ? It feels like our relationship  is incomplete . What can I do ?
Loveless
Dear Loveless ,
Married couples  can have a good relationship  without sex , but only if  both partners  agree to it . I commend  you for doing  the necessary work to salvage your marriage .
Unfortunately , your wife  still may not trust you entirely , or she may simply uninterested in intimacy . She may also feel that she put up with your philandering  for 20 years , so you should give her however much time  she needs . There  has, in fact , been progress , albeit more slowly than you'd like .
Intimacy  and communication are things you should be working on in couple therapy . Please bring both of these issues  up at your next session .
Maxy